Standing atop Cubs Mountain, Blaine free falls into dark Picks canyon

Sports couldn't get any better for Blaine on Saturday when his beloved Cubbies clinched their first division title in 14 years.  They dramatically swept a doubleheader at frenzied Wrigley Field on the second-to-last day of baseball's regular season.  The Cubs seek their first World Series crown in 95 years!

But sports couldn't get any worse for Blaine on Sunday, when his beloved Picks crushed him like a frail bug in Week 4.  He experienced the worst single day in all 24 years of the Sunday Football Picks, losing every disagreement with every person, which has never occurred on such a massive scale.  Blaine was 0-27 in head-to-head match-ups, and suddenly finds himself buried in last place.

The extreme weekend of emotion ranks as the most astonishing two-day twist known to mankind, or at least dating back to the unshaven cave men.  Blaine was whooping it up and purchasing new Cubs apparel at Target just minutes before leaping off the beautiful summit of Cubs Mountain.  He fell for hours like a skydiver without a parachute before suffering an unsightly landing deep inside Picks canyon.  It was his Saints getting thumped 55-21 by the Colts on Sunday night, finally ending his horror and embarrassment at 10:38 p.m. Chicago time.  Well, the horror ended, but the embarrassment probably continues.

Blaine's career-tying low record of 4-9 was blasted by the 11-2 records of QT and D.J., and the 10-3 week by Mark.  Even Ali and Nicki piled on their poor father with records of 8-5 and 7-6, respectively.  Blaine's miserable head-to-head results were 0-7 vs. QT, 0-7 vs. D.J., 0-6 vs. Mark, 0-4 vs. Ali and 0-3 vs. Nicki.  It just doesn't get any uglier than that.

"What the [censored] are the [censored] Texans and Bengals doing winning [censored] games to help ruin my [censored] record?!?!" demanded the slightly perturbed Picks veteran, who hasn't won a title since 1999.  "It's still early in this [censored] season, so all of you [censored] people better be ready to [censored] pay for this!"