Like "Pirates of the Caribbean," D.J. steals second place and Blaine walks plank

Despite her eyes being glued to heartthrob Johnny Depp in her favorite movie, D.J. somehow found time to pull herself away from the "Pirates of the Caribbean" DVD and make incredible picks on the final Sunday of 2003.  She saved her best for last by going 11-2 to overtake Ali at the buzzer and capture second place behind Mark.

D.J.'s power surge three days after Christmas was aided by an improbable Arizona comeback that was nearly as exciting as her new Sony headphones, makeup kits and tri-colored necklace.  The victory-challenged Cardinals (4-12) beat Ali's Vikings (9-7) in the final two minutes by scoring a touchdown on fourth down, recovering an onside kick thanks to former Wilmington star Damien Anderson, and throwing a 28-yard touchdown pass to a leaping receiver in the corner of the end zone as time expired.  Arizona's shocking 18-17 victory kept Minnesota out of the playoffs.  The Vikings joined the 1978 Washington Redskins as the only teams to start a season 6-0 and not make the playoffs.

Ali might have been bumped to third place, but the blow was cushioned by her slew of talking presents that are keeping Chicago's Twin FM on the cutting edge.  Her indoor/outdoor thermometer, caller ID, digital recorder and Liz Phair CD give radio listeners an improved broadcast as they continue to enjoy all of DuPage County's favorites.  Rest assured that every other song is still sung by teen queen Hilary Duff.

Blaine is ready to make full use of his new Craftsman workbench as he rebuilds his confidence during the off-season.  His 133-98 performance ranks 76th out of 92, and it put the veteran in last place for the first time.  Ouch!  Hopefully his new colognes from the Little Bird can cover up that terrible stench.  Blaine needs to revisit his glory days of the 1980s, so he's starting right now with hours of old Intellivision games provided by his new PlayStation disc from QT.  There's just nothing like Night Stalker, baby!

Lil Girl wrapped up fourth place this season after unwrapping Dick Van Dyke Season One on DVD.  She hopes to fly high in 2004 like her new helicopter, but not get stuck in a tree like that so quickly.  Will Nicki win her first Picks championship next year?  Her Magic 8 Ball told her Monday afternoon: "As I see it, yes."  That declaration could Boggle the minds of her competitors.

Fifth-place QT isn't happy about finishing behind all her daughters this year.  In fact, she just wrapped them a good one.  Of course we're talking about the three lovely fleece blankets she made.  They're quite cozy.  QT will soothe her Picks headache with a new head massager, and relax in a hot bath sponsored by Bath & Body Works.  Anyone disturbing her gets strangled with her beautiful gold necklace!

After coasting to the 2003 title with the fourth-best record in Picks history (158-73), Mark knows that everyone else needs to get a Clue, so maybe he'll invite the family over to play the Simpsons version of his latest gift.  One can only hope his 13-game margin of victory doesn't expand his ego larger than the massive cargo space found in his new remote-control Hummer.  Surely he'll put a lid on it, maybe using the flaming Dodge cap hanging in The Beast.

Several Picks records were set this season, including Mark's amazing four-week stretch of 43-12.  Mark also racked up the most wins (158), the most 10-victory weeks (9), the most consecutive 10-victory weeks (5), and the biggest single-week edge over favored teams (5 games).  He even showed the most improvement from one year to the next (21.5 games over 2002).  Deej entered the record book by amassing six 11-victory weeks.  Wow!