North Pole denies that Santa delivered Picks title early to Alicia

Controversy has engulfed Picks Central headquarters this week as Santa Claus stands accused of guaranteeing Alicia the 2007 Sunday Football Picks championship with one week still remaining in the football season. According to witnesses, the unethical gift was sitting with other wrapped presents under the family’s sagging Christmas tree on Monday afternoon, but Ali and a spokesman from the North Pole claim the allegation is false.

The matter is being investigated by the Picks Oversight Committee, which has always stressed that character and tradition serve as the cornerstones of the longstanding family competition. “If we find any violation of Picks policies, Santa will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law,” said a Picks official. “His supreme status in the eyes of children around the world is irrelevant.”

Ali matched Trevor’s 9-4 record in Week 16 to improve to 143-70 and preserve her six-game lead heading into the season finale. All other Picks members, such as Nicki and QT who were 10-3 on Sunday, have been eliminated from contention.

Witnesses reported seeing the alleged gift on Christmas Eve during a family get-together at Picks Central headquarters. “I was visiting the house with my fiancée and I know what I saw in the living room,” said a woman who spoke on the condition of anonymity. “The tag on the box congratulated Ali for winning her first Picks championship, and it was signed by Santa in red ink. That’s completely unfair to my future stepson who still had a chance at the title.”

The woman’s two daughters corroborated the eyewitness account. “It was definitely wrapped by Santa,” one of them said. “We were going to steal the box and throw it out the window on Interstate 88, but my older sister chickened out. She wanted to stay focused on her driving directions because she was worried about getting lost.”

Santa could not be reached for comment on his satellite phone due to his demanding schedule of visiting more than one billion homes across the Earth. But a spokesman from the North Pole’s public relations office adamantly denied the allegation. “Santa is a genuine man who has never violated a rule or law of any kind,” the spokesman said. “He’s a tad beefy around the middle and sometimes goes too long between beard trimmings, but those are his only flaws.”

When interviewed Christmas Day from her iPod-wired inflatable chair, Ali admitted she received a lovely Braille plaque from Santa, but said it had absolutely nothing to do with the Sunday Football Picks. “It simply recognized my extra effort in not having late assignments this school year,” she said. A big grin then spread across her face, and she went back to her tunes.