Friday, September 15, 2000 - My contractions were still fairly irregular and barely strong enough to register on the monitor. During the night, Dr. P had come in to check me, and I was not at all dilated. I didn�t know what the plan was. I assumed we were just taking a wait-and-see approach.
That morning I had another u/s. Our favorite tech was sent. I was so happy to see her. Brian�s parents were in the room so they got to see Sydney for the first time. Since most of the amniotic fluid was gone, we got a different picture of Sydney. The tech pointed out a few things to us. Sydney�s head appeared to be mis-shapened. Since there was no longer much fluid to keep it in place we were given a more realistic picture. Also, it was obvious that something was not right with one of her arms. We also found out that instead of being head-down, she was breech.
Dr. P came in later and told us that he did not want to give me pitocin to speed along my labor nor did he want to do a c-section. Brian�s parents were again in the room with us and I think all of our jaws dropped to the floor. Even though she was breech? Brian and I told him that we did want a c-section. Dr. P said it really didn�t matter what Brian wanted, and, even though he never said this, apparently it didn�t even matter what I wanted. We went back and forth several times, me telling him I wanted the c-section because I felt it would be best, he saying it was too risky for me. He said that a c-section is major surgery and there is a risk for many different complications. He also said it would be invasive for me. I said I understood but that there is also a risk for vaginal deliveries, nothing is fool-proof. I told him I did not care. I wasn�t concerned about myself. I was concerned about the little baby inside me and I wanted to do everything in my power for her. He then said, �You know she�s going to die, don�t you?� My heart broke. Here we were going through something parents should never have to face, and we were being treated with such cruelty? Brian and I both looked him in the eyes and said, �You don�t know that.� We told him we knew that it was a very strong possibility and that we were not fooling ourselves. However, we still didn�t know Sydney was going to die and we were not going to give up on her. Dr. P then sat up straight, looked us in the eyes, and pointing to his chest said, �Well, I know she is going to die.� We kept insisting there was no way he could know, but he refused to listen. Brian�s father then asked Dr. P if he was a Christian. He replied that he was and Brian�s dad said, �Then you should understand why we can�t give up hope.� Dr. P replied, �I know she�s going to die. I know it here and here� pointing first to his head and then to his chest. He said he wanted to give us his point of view as a Christian. He said he believes that God puts us here and gives us brains to make sound and reasonable judgments. In other words, he was saying that we were stupid and not doing the right thing. Brian tried to say something at this point but Dr. P glared at him and said, �Let me finish!� |
