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| Sydney's Story |
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| After our family left the room, we were told we could have as much time as we needed with Sydney. The nurse brought back Sydney�s The Foot Book. She knew it was special to us. Inside the front cover, they had made imprints of Sydney�s little feet before they had brought her back to us. They had also taken pictures and video that we didn�t know until later. I asked if I could give Sydney a bath and she brought the necessary supplies. She also brought materials for us to make our own footprints. |
| At one point I realized I had not taken Sydney to see the sunshine before she died. I had forgotten. I started crying and Brian reminded me that she was now surrounded by sunshine. He was right. I took her over to the window anyway and asked Brian to take our picture. I also decided to give her her bath there. I removed her little gown but kept her diaper on, although I did sneak a peek at her tiny little bottom. It was so smooth. Brian helped bathe her and then we put lotion on her. That scent still |
| reminds me of Sydney. We dried her off and rocked her some more. I sang to her and read to her again. We took many pictures of us holding her. I tried to memorize every little detail about her. I ran her fingers, toes, and her hair against my lips, memorizing how they felt. |
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| I handed Sydney to Brian and went to the restroom. I thought to myself "This is the first time I have washed my hands since my daughter died." There have been many other firsts since then. Sometime around 7:00 a nurse came to the room and told us they were getting full. They really needed the room. I was not ready to hand Sydney over. She said we could go to the private waiting room where our families were. We chose to do that. Once there I continued to hold Sydney, whispering in her ear. We also made footprints on index cards. I continued staring at her face, just trying my best to make sure I would never forget anything about her. Finally, around 8:30, we decided we should go. This was it. I was actually going to have to leave without my daughter. We could not |
| take her with us. Someone went to get the nurse to tell her we were ready. How could I do this? The nurse walked into the waiting room and looked at me sadly. I asked if I could take Sydney�s blankets home with me. She explained that if I did, then the funeral home would not have anything to carry her in when they picked her up. She said they would make sure that I did get them though, which I did. I handed Sydney to Brian so he could say his good-byes. He then handed her back to me. I kissed her many times, again whispered in her ear...and finally reached out my arms to the nurse, knowing I would never again hold Sydney in my arms. I would never again feel the weight of her against me. The nurse reached over and took my baby from my arms. My arms still ache, longing to hold her just one more time. |
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| We left the hospital and went home...without Sydney. She was gone. This was real. It had actually happened. Sydney had really died. Sometimes it still doesn�t seem real to me. I still wish I could wake up and this would all be some horrible nightmare, but the pictures on the wall remind me it is all too real. Visiting Sydney�s grave brings me back to reality. Sydney will never again be here with us physically. However, I still feel her presence every day. I know she is happy and she is waiting for us. And I look forward to the most wonderful reunion with her in Heaven, where I will never again have to tell her good-bye. She will get to see Mommy, Daddy, and Kelsea again. And she will finally meet her younger siblings--Nathaniel, Adam, and Grace. We love you, Sydney. |
| 9/22/00(pg3) |