No Sek Please,
We're Pishites

Chapter One: Getting to thee Pool of Pishe

(1) Eupolis stood outside thee Mended Drum, and wept, for he knew not where lay thee Pool of Pishe where he would dedicate himself.

 

(2) And Pishe saw him suffering.

 

(3) And she laughed and laughed, because nearly all Discworld gods are vindictive and petty.

 

(4) And then by divine inspiration, and with thee help of Quatrocentro's mappe of Ankh-Morpork -

 

(5) Which was accurate at thee time.

 

(6) - He strode forth unto the temple of Small Gods.

 

(7) South he strode and strode and continued unto the eleventh time whence the Street of Small Gods lay unto the east.

 

(8) Then East four times, ae jink unto the North-East and ae further three steps east brought him unto the doors of the Temple of Small Gods, which lay in the South.

 

(9) South four times to the fountain of the atrium, East fives times in honour of thee morning sun, and once unto the north.

 

(10) And there he found the Pool.

Chapter Two: Ordination

(1) Eupolis stood by thee edge of thee pool, and saw that it was good, and considerably more sexy than thee hovels that other, lesser, gods deign to call 'home'.

 

(2) And he cried out: "Pishe who art looking drop dead magnificent in damp clingy clothes, and kindly enough to provide me with ae badly needed cold shower at thee same tyme, how may I serve you? For I have attempted to pray to thy divine glory and thou hast spurned me."

 

(3) And ae voice spake from above: "RTFM"

 

(4) Which is the secret sigil which reminds us all that Pishe is so popular that we must be priests to pray to her, for she loves not the brain-dead warrior, nor the black-hearted thief, nor the sweaty obese smug meddling arrogant flatulent ignorant wizard.

 

(5) But then who could love ae wizard? Everybody knows they're unlovable.

 

(6) They're not fooling anyone with that "Vow of Celibacy".

 

(7) And so Eupolis 'join'ed the guild of Priest so to know Pishe better.

 

Onward to Thee Booke of Life.