No Sek Please,
We're Pishites

Chapter One: Gestation

(1) As any good mother knows thee education gets started in thee womb. In thee Discworld the womb is thee newbie area, and thys is where you start your life with Pishe.

 

(2) Thee newbie area is ae small quest, but yt is also an excellent place to learn about thee life upon which thou art about to embark. You should take thee opportunity to read the pamphlets given, and decide what your alignment should be for your life.

 

(3) Alignment is determined by your actions in life. Killing an evil demon is largely ae good act, though not as good as rehabilitating thee man-eating beast as ae productive member of society. Killing the good will drive you unto the dark side. However in thee newbie area you have ae chance to gayn ae head start upon your life by altering your alignment.

 

(4) Pishites and any decent upright citizen should make at least three efforts to polish their souls with thee light of good. Miserable wretches can pull thee black lever and be condemned as naughty in the eyes of Pishe. Those who mistakenly pull thee black lever in thee hope that it will add ae little spark to their social lives may rectify their mistake by repeatedly pulling thee white lever.

 

(5) Whilst awaiting birth you should also take thee opportunity to visit thee well-stocked commercial area. Here may be bought weapons with which to smite thee ungodly. Yet forget notte, thee need for other protection. Thee temperature upon thee Disc varies from place and ill-preparedness shall lead unto shivering sneezing and yay even unto hypothermia. "For godssake put some clothes on!" as thee actress said to thee Bishop of Pishe in thee well-known parable.

 

(6) Once thou hast completed thee quest thou art free to leave the worlde of thee unborn and arrive on thee Disc.

Chapter Two: Nationality

(1) Once thou art ready to arrive upon thee Disk you have ae choice of nationality to make. If thys is thy first vysit unto the Disc, then I strongly recommend starting in Ankh-Morpork.

 

(2) Even if you have read thee bookes and know that thee best people come from Lancre.

 

(3) Thee reason is that you shall have to come to Morpork sooner or later to swear thy life unto Pishe. By starting in Morpork, thou hast thee advantage of already speaking thee language, having small change in thee local currency, and ae wide choice of guilds of which Pishe's Priests are naturally thee best.

 

(4) Choosing to start in Ankh-Morpork shall move thee unto the Mended Drum and so begin thy life upon thee Disc.

 

Onward to Thee Booke of Dedication.