You don't sweat, you percolate.
Your life's gaol is to amount to a hill of beans.
When someone says, "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop."
Your coffee mug is insured by Lloyds of London.
You ski uphill.
You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.
You speed-walk in your sleep.
You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit.
You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
You sleep with your eyes open.
You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake.
You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using he timer.
You lick your coffee pot clean.
You spend every vacation at Maxwell House.
Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
You chew other people's fingernails.
The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.
Your t-shirt says, "decaffeinated coffee is the devil's coffee."
You can type 60 words a minute with your feet.
You can jump start your car without cables.
All your kids are named "Joe."
You don't need a hammer to pound in nails.
Your only source of nutrition comes from Sweet & Low.
You buy milk by the barrel.
You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug.
You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down.
You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
People get dizzy just watching you.
You've worn the finish off your coffee table.
The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.
Starbuck's owns the mortgage on your house.
Your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava lamp.
You're so wired you pick up AM radio.
People can test their batteries in your ears.
Instant coffee takes too long.
You channel surf faster without the remote.
You want to be cremated so you can spend eternity in a coffee can.
You want to come back as a coffee mug in your next life.
You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee.
You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer.
You name your cats Cream and Sugar.
You speak perfect Arabic without ever taking a lesson.
Your Thermos is on wheels.
Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.
You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
You can outlast the Energizer Bunny.
You short out motion detectors.
You have a conniption over spilled milk.
You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore.
Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
You think being called a "drip" is a compliment.
You don't tan, you roast.
You don't get mad, you get steamed.
You can't even remember your second cup.
You help your dog chase its tail.
You soak your dentures in coffee overnight.
You introduce your spouse as your coffeemate.
You think CPR stands for "Coffee Provides Resuscitation."
Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.
Pious Christian
