I made a man with eyes of coal
And a smile so bewitchin'
How was I supposed to know
That my mom was dead in the kitchen?
La la la la la...
Babies
They're tiny and chubby and so soft to touch
Soon they'll grow up and resent you so much
Now they're yelling at you and you don't know why
You cry and you cry and you cry
And you cry and you cry and you cry and you cry
Barnyard Animals
Oh the cow in the meadow goes moo!
Oh the cow in the meadow goes moo!
Then the farmer hits him on the head and grinds him up
And that's how we get hamburgers
Nowwwwww Chickens!
Bi-Sexuals
Sometimes men love women
Sometimes men love men
And then there are bi-sexuals
But some just say they're kidding themselves
La la la la la...
Blackout
New York City has no power
And the milk is getting sour
But to me it is not scary
Cause I stay away from dairy
La la la la la...
Crazy Underware
Crazy underware creepin up my butt
Crazy underware always in a rutt
Crazy underware
"Crusty Old Man"
And the crusty old man said I'll do what I can
And the rest of the rats played maracas
"Don't"
They'll be times when you get older
When you'll want to sleep with people
Just to make them like you
But don't...cause
That's another thing that you don't want to do
That's another thing that you don't want to do
Grandparents
Now Grandma's a person who everyone likes
She bought you a train and a big shiny bike
But lately she hasn't been coming to dinner
And the last time you saw her she looked so much thiner
Now your Mom and your Dad said she moved to Peru
But the truth is she died and some day you will too
Holiday Song
Went to the store, sat on Santa's lap
Asked him to bring my friends all kinds of crap
Said all you need is to write them a song
Now you haven't heard it yet so don't try to sing along
Monica, Monica, have a Happy Hannukah!
Saw Santa Claus, he said hello to Ross
And please tell Joey, Christmas will be snowwwwwwy!
And Rachel and Chandler...handler!
In the Shower
I'm in the shower and I'm writing a song
Stop me if you've heard it
My skin is soapy and my hair is wet
And tegrin spelled backwards is nirget
Lather, rinse, repeat
Lather, rinse, repeat
Lather, rinse, repeat
As needed!
Little Fetus
Are you in there little fetus
In nine months will you come greet us?
I will buy you some addidas
Love
Love is sweet as summer showers
Love is a wonderous work of ours
But your love your love oh your love
Is like a giant pigeon
Crapping on my heart
La la la la la...
My Coma Guy
You don't have to be awake to be my man
As long as you have brain waves I'll be there to hold your hand
Though we just met the other day
There's something I have got to say...
My Mother's Ashes
My mother's ashes
Even her eyelashes
Are resting in a little yellow jar
And sometimes when it's breezy
Or if I'm feeling sneezy
And now I...
Smelly Cat
Smelly cat, smelly cat
What are they feeding you?
Smelly cat, smelly cat
It's not your fault
They won't take you to the vet
Your obviously not their favorite pet
You may not be a bed of roses
And you're no friend to those with noses!
Sticky Shoes
My favorite shoes
So good to me
I wear them everyday
Down at the heel
Holes in the toe
Don't care what people say
My feet's best friend
Pals to the end
With them I'm one hot chicky
Though late one night
Not much light
I stepped in something icky
Sticky shoes, sticky shoes
Always make me smile
Sticky shoes, sticky shoes
Next time I'll avoid the pile
"Terry's a Jerk"
Terry's a jerk
And he won't let me work
And I hate Central Perk!
They Found their Bodies
They found their bodies the very next day
They found their bodies the very next day
La la la la la...
Two of Them Kissed Last Night
There was a girl we'll call her Betty
And a guy let's call him Neil
Now, I can't stress this point to strongly
This story isn't real...
Now our Neil must decide
Who will be the girl that he casts aside?
Will Betty be the one who he loves truly
Or will it be the one who we'll call L-L-Lulie!
He must decide!
He must decide!
Even though I made him up he must decide!
