Other Ethnics 3

A Memo

TO: All Employees
From: Management
Subject: Special High Intensity Training

In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees welltrained through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (S.H.I.T.). We are trying to give employees more S.H.I.T. than anyone else.

If you feel that you do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the job, please see your manager. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list, and our managers are especially skilled at seeing that you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle.

Employees who don't take their S.H.I.T. will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL EMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P S.H.I.T.). Those who fail to take D.E.E.P. S.H.I.T. seriously will have to go to EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T. S.H.I.T.). Since our managers took S.H.I.T. before they were promoted, they don't have to do S.H.I.T. anymore, and are all full of S.H.I.T. already.

If you are full of S.H.I.T., you may be interested in a job training others. We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LECTURE LIST. (B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T.).

Those who are full of B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T. will get the S.H.I.T.jobs, and can apply for promotion to DIRECTOR OF INTENSITY PROGRAMMING (D.I.P. S.H.I.T.).

If you have further questions, please direct them to our HEAD OF TRAINING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T.S.H.I.T.).

Thank you,

BOSS IN GENERAL SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (B.I.G. S.H.I.T.)

Anonymous contribution

Church Humor

One day Mr. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at his church. "Reverend," he said, i have a problem; my wife keeps falling asleep during your sermons.. It's very embarrassing. What should I do?" "I have an idea," said the minister. Take this pin with you. I'll be able to tell when she's sleeping, and i will motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give her a good poke in the leg with pin."In church the following Sunday, Mrs. Jones dozed off. Noticing this, the preacher put his plan to work.."And who made the ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mr. Jones.
"Jesus!" cried Mrs. Jones as her husband jabbed her in the leg with the pin."Yes, you are right, Mrs. Jones, said the minister. Soon, Mrs. Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed her dozing. "Who is your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards Mr. Jones "God!" cried out Mrs. Jones as she was stuck with the pin once again. "Right again, Mrs. Jones," said the minister, smiling and continuing his sermon. Before long, Mrs. Jones dozed off again. However, this time the Minister didn't notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few motions that Mr. Jones mistook as signals to wake his wife again. He was just sticking his wife with the pin again when the minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him his 99th son?" You stick that damned thing in me one more time and I'll break it off and shove it up your ass!!

Contributed by JT

Through A Scope

A man who just got a raise decides to buy a new scope for his rifle. He goes to the riffle shop, and asks the clerk to show him a scope. The clerk takes out the scope, and says to the man.
"This scope is so good, you can see my house all the way up the hill"The man takes a look through the scope and starts laughing.
"Whats so funny?" asks the clerk.
"I see a naked man and a naked woman running around the house." The man replies.
The clerk grabs the scope from the man, and looks at his house. Then he hands two bullets to the man and says,
"Here are two bullets, I'll give you this scope for nothing if you take these two bullets, shoot my wife's head off and shoot the guys privates off."
The man takes another look through the scope, and says, "You know what? I think I can do that with one shot.."

Contributed by JT

The Two Old Smokers

Two old ladies were sitting at a bus stop smoking cigarettes one day when it started to rain. One of the old ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the tip and put it over the cigarette.

The other old lady said "Wow, that's a great idea. What is that thing?"
"It's a condom" replied the old lady.

"Wow! where can I get one oof those?"

"Oh, any drug store or grocery store" replied the old lady. So the next day, the old woman went into a drug store. "Hi", she told the clerk, "I would like some condoms please"

The clerk was surprised at the age of the lady.

"Um, what size?" asked the clerk.

The old lady replied "Oh, one that would fit a Camel"

Anonymous contribution
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