Samoan Jokes 2

Tama and Tau from Savaii

Tama and Tau were so excited to get on the flight because they just won the Lotto in Apia. Being from Savaii they were so happy and ansy to get on the flght...they weren't too familiar with electronic machines but they were determined that whoever had the winning streak, the other should not bother and allow the winning half to go on.

Tama and Tau got off the plane, checked out their 2 bags, and caught the shuttle bus to their hotel. Oka! LasVega was toomuch! They never bothered to check into a room because they were in awe of the slot machines in the lobby. Tau was the first to move towards the first machine that he laid eyes on...he put in his two quarters and wow! he got a prize..he kept repeating his efforts and kept winning more prizes.

Tama on the other hand walked around and watched all the table games and other machine games. He became tired and walked over to Tau's machine. He waited for his turn to get to the machine but found that he was waiting too long...he watched and saw Tau piling up his winnings and finally too iritated asked Tau: Eh, what you doing? Tau answered: Aua badda! Can't u see that i'm winning? Go somewhere else!

Tama was too angry just told off Tau: E te valea? This is a soda machine...everyone comes here to get something to drink then walk over there to the game machines! Tau replied: OI! No wonder no one ever came by to play this machine nor get me off this machine...Ka fefe!

And how was your soda machine today?

Contributed by oliana tuia-fiso

Simi

Simi and his mother were at home one day when his mother wanted to make ko pai (sp?). Simi was outside playing with his new binoculars his father bought him when his mother called him inside. "Siiiiimi," she called. "Simi!" "Put those p-noculars down and ket inside."

Simi ran inside the house and said, "Yes Mama." She said, "fa'amolemole la'u tama e, go to the store and pye me a shuga so I can make the ko pai." "O.K. Mama," Simi said. So Simi put down his binoculars and started walking to the store.

Simi was on his way to the store when his mother forgot that she also needed some flour. She ran outside and he was almost 2 blocks down the road. Remembering Simi's binoculars she went to get them and put them up to her eyes and saw Simi close up as if he were right in front of her so she whispered to him ... "oh, Simi, and don't fo-get the flour."

Contributed by Gwen

The Hawaiian who wanted to be Tongan

There was a Hawaiian guy that wanted to be Tongan, so he went to the Doctor and asked him if there was any type of operation to make him Tongan. The doctor said "Yes, we can do the operation, but if you want to be Tongan, we are gonna have to take out half of your brain." The Hawaiian didn't care, so he said go ahead. The doctor performed the operation, but he made a mistake. He was only supposed to take out half of the brain, but he took out too much. The doctor woke up the Hawaiian and said, "Im sorry the operation didn't work. Im afraid we took out too much of your brain."
The Hawaiian said "SOLE, K*F*!" (KESTE)

Contributed by THA DIXIE BOYZ

"MOOOOOO!!!"

There was this one afatasi girl who all the boys were attracted to but her father was an overprotective and intimidating fellow - (We know how Samoan fathers can get!) Anyway, whenever a guy was interested in her, she would tell them to climb up the tree next to her bedroom window and make an animal sound so she'd know they were there -then she'd come out to meet them.

One day, George, a palagi guy climbed the tree. The father heard a noise outside and came out with his shotgun. While loading his gun he shouted, "WHO'S THERE?" and George said, "WHOO! WHOO!" So the father says, "Oh, it's just an owl" so he went inside.

The next day, Tyrone, a meauli guy climbed the tree. Again, the father heard a noise and ran outside with his shotgun and shouted, "WHO'S THERE?" Tyrone then said, "MEOW!" So the father went back into the house and said, "Oh, it's only a cat!"

The next day, a samoan fob thought he could woo this girl better than any other guy so he climbed the tree. The father heard a noise outside so he came outside with his shotgun and shouted, "WHO'S THERE?" The samoan guy, remembering that he had to make an animal sound said, "MOOOOOO!"

Let's just say, there isn't a happy ending to this one!

Contributed by Gwen

Bill Clinton and the Pope

Bill Clinton and the Pope die on the same day. The Pope goes to Hell and Clinton goes to Heaven. When the Pope sees the Master Devil he says, "I've been serving God and have believed in him all my life. I've never done any thing bad either. There must be a mistake." The Devil looks in his book and says, "Yes, I'm sorry there has been a mistake. Tomorrow you will be on your way to Heaven." The next day the Pope gets in "The Escalator" to Heaven. Half way up he sees Bill Clinton. The Pope says, "Is it really beautiful up there?" Clinton replies, "Oh yes, it is so much better than Earth." The Pope says, "I can't wait to meet the VIRGIN Mary." Clinton replies, "You're 15 minutes too late for that!"

Contributed by Robert R. Roto

The Filipino, Indian & Samoan

A Filipino, Indian, and Samoan were crossing the Sahara desert when the engine of their Jeep went dead. It was a long walk to civilization, so they each decided to take one item from the Jeep to get them through their journey.

The Filipino guy chose the basket of fruit and explained, "If I get hungry, I'll have some food to eat!"

The Indian guy chose the canteen and said, "If I get thirsty on our journey, I'll have some cold water to drink!"

The Samoan guy took the Jeep door off it's hinges and said, "If I get hot, I'll roll the window down!"

Contributed by Tau Tui

Hostess

There were 3 friends, a palagi, a meauli and a sam, all of whom went out looking for jobs together to help pay for their rent for they shared an apartment and were running low on cash. They walked by a bakery that had a post up on the window reading "3 Employment Positions Available: Inquire Inside". They were stoked thinking what a coincidence...and walked in with huge smiles on their faces. They went up to the manager and asked about the job. The manager told them they could start right away, but they had to do one thing. They had to use the word Hostess in a sentence. The palagi man went first thinking to himself "Damn, this is easy..." and said " I had a Hostess cup cake yesterday for dessert."

The manager said "great!" and told him to go get started in the back room. The meauli was next. He was thinking and thing..."Uh, okay, my wife was the hostess at our Christmas party." The manager saif "GREAT!....now go help your friend with the work in the back" and he left. Now it was the Hamo's turn.

The Hamo was thinking and thinking for a long time...finally he said "Oi, ia oke, lass night, da phone was rang, and I was picked it up and said "HO-STESS!!!!""

Contributed by the one and only KINTU aka SHADES

The 3 Escapees (another version of MOOOO!!!)

Three prisoners; a haole, an oriental and a samoan were planning their escape from a local low-security prison. The oriental guy knew the way so he said that he'd go first. He was crawling on the wall and almost slipped, awaking the guard who called out,"who goes there?" The oriental answered, "meow," sounding like a real cat, "oh, it's only a cat", thought the guard, and the oriental made it.
"It's my turn", said the haole, and across the wall he crawled and stepped on a dry twig. "Who goes there", shouted the guard, "Cockadoodledo", sounding exactly like a rooster, "Wow, that bird's up early", thought the guard, and the haole made it.
"I guess it's my turn", said the Samoan to himself, and off he went following the same route his two mates took, and almost fell off the wall.
"Who goes there", yelled the guard,
"moooooo", came the reply...

Contributed by Kelli

SIMI...(Another Version of SIMI))

Simi came home from school one day with a pair of binoculars he got from his teacher at a'oga samoa. Everyone in his class got one, they were to study it as an assignment. Simi was fascinated by it, he couldn't put it down when he got home.
Simi's mother was getting irritated with Simi's new toy because Simi didn't want to do his fe'aus so she decided to send him to the store to buy some falaoa. "Simi, ia, avatu le tupe lea..fatau mai se falaoa se'i fai tatou samuisi.
Simi got up, leaving his new toy on the dining table and left to the store with his mother's instructions.
The mother, still in the kitchen, was curious as to why Simi was so fascinated with those binoculars, so she picked them up and looked into the eye piece. "Oka Oka" she replied, "uo lata lata mai le nofoa"...she was looking at the chair, at the same time trying to reach out to touch it. "Oi sole, uo lata lata mai le laulau...manaia tele le toy lea." All of a sudden she remembered that she had forgotten to tell Simi to buy some Sugar. She rushed to the window and noticed that Simi was already half way down the street. She couldn't yell cause she knew he wouldn't hear him...then she thought."hmmmm" and picked up the binoculars and said in a very quiet whisper "Simi, ai kae mai i se'i avatu le tupe lea e fatau mai se suka!"

Contributed by KINTU aka SHADES

Little Man Joke

NOTE: This joke takes 2 people, you can do it to a friend in the same manner but you can ask any question just as I will demonstrate here. It's not really funny reading it, but when you actually do, it's hilarious. Hope ya likes!!!! LOL

There's 2 Hamo's, Suka ma Iosefa. Iosefa is holding both hands up, as if holding something in them and covering it's contents so no one can see inside. He tells Suka that he has a little man in the palm of his hands and he can answer ANY question Suka's has.
Suka replies.."Se soia, aua te pepelo, e leai se tamaloloa i totonu ga mea!" and laughs. Iosefa answers, "Se kala mo'i, pa mai se fesili". Suka thinks, "ia oke, what's da golor off my undawea?" Iosefa acts as if he is whispering to the little man in his palm, whispering "Famai la'u tama, u no have any undawea in dea!" Iosefa jumps up in surprise "Oka, sa'o oe man, how u know?" Iosefa replies...my man know everting!"
Iosefa then acts as if the man in his hands has called him...he leans to his palms as if listening to whatever the little man is saying...then he says.."Oka, now, if you want my friend to answer any moa question...you have to do a favor foa him?" Suka says "Ia,o le a?" Iosefa replies "uo uma na tata le chacket a la'u uo, but iss velly wet, so, he wants you to hold it up so it can dry!" Suka has a confused look on his face, but aggress anyways. Iosefa hands Suka an "imaginary coat" and tells him he must hold it up high until it's dry.
"ia, oke, you can ask anudda gueshgion now." Suka, holding the invisible coat up high in the air, starts to think about the next question. "Oka, dis one is a tuff one...ish dea any keine out dea who's liking to me?" Iosefa again consults his little friend with a whisper...."Famai la'u uo leai, auleaga kele oe."
Suka is now irritated, but is still holding upmthe coat. Then Iosefa finally asks, "sole, do you really belief dea is a little man in my hands?" Suka's thinking and thinking, still holding the coat up. "E laei, e fa'apea oe e valea a'u!!!"
Iosefa then replies..."Ia, den why da hell is you holding up his chacket?"

Contributed by KINTU aka SHADES

PK

A white tourist walked into a store in Samoa to find an old Samoan man standing next to the cash register. He couldn't take his eyes off an item on the counter. It was gum with big initials "PK". The palagi man kindly asked the old man, "excuse me sir, what does PK stand for?"
The old man shook his head, gave the palagi man an angry look and said, "You stupid palagi, PK, papo kum".

Contributed by Grace-lee R Scanlan

The FRUIT test!

There are these 3 guys, a Hawaiian, Tongan, and a Samoan, who died and went down to da kine, (you know, where the bad people go) and they made a deal with the devil. The devil said that he'll let them go up to heaven if they can put a piece of fruit up their muli without laughing and to have a serious face. So the Hawaiian went first and took a pear. He started laughing so he had to stay. Next the Tongan went and reached for a grape. He also busted up laughing and went down to where the Hawaiian was. The Hawaiian asked why he started to laugh when it was so easy. The Tongan replied, "I saw the Samoan reaching for a watermelon!!!!"

Anonymous contribution

The heavy B and the light P

Sa fai faiga suega a faifeau i le isi aso i totonu o le tasi nuu i Upolu.O le aoga foi la a faifeau e aoaoina ai mataitusi ma o latou eseesega. Ua oo mai nei i le vasega laiti e aoao ai le faitau pi, ma ua oo atu nei i le mataitusi B ma le isi matautusi P. Ua alu nei le faamalamalamaina o mataitusi nei e 2 ma ua faapea atu le faifeau, "Ia sole faalogo lelei mai o le mataitusi B lea e tau o le B palagi e mamafa,ao le isi P lea e tau i le faa samoa o le P mama. Ia tou iloa lelei le eseesega. Ua uma le suega ma ua momoe si tamaitiiti i le fale i si ona tama o loo toto ana fai. U a valaau mai si toeaina."Hi son how's the test, ua tali atu le tamaitiiti ,OOOOOOhhhhh its very nice and can I ask you something..Ok go on. Ua tuu i lalo le tolopa a le toeaina ae faalogologo i tala o le suega. Ua amata ona faamatala le suega ma oo mai loa i le eseesega o le B ma le P, ua fai atu le tamaiiti fai mai le faifeau e mamafa le pi a le palagi ae mama le pi a le Samoa, e moi Papa. Ua ita nei le toeaina ma ua faasa loa si tama ona toe alu i le aoga aso sa.

Contributed by Aiga (Samoan in Sweden)

Samoan Statue and other jokes

What do the Samoan statue say to the Statue Of Liberty? IZDATYOU..(statue)

What do you call a white guy and twenty Samoan guys? COACH...

What do you call a Samoan wearing a suit? DEFENDANT...

Contributed by Sweetpete

THE FOAFOA ON THE POST

In one village on the island of Savaii, they have a strong curfew rule. At six o'cklock in the evening all families must be inside the house for the faigalotu i le afiafi.The father of one family is the boss of the leoleoga.All the aumaga in the village wear the black lavalava and the white shirts to show they are the leoleopo at curfew time. One evening the father didn't go to the leoleoga but all the aumaga stood by every single space in the whole village to watch who is running outside at curfew time to give that person a one tala fine.
The aumaga waited and waited but they didn't hear any sign of the foafoa. They all wondered what happen to the boss of the leoleoga. One of the taulealea went to the boss house to pick up the foafoa, when he arrived the family was having an evening lotu. The boss was having a prayer on that time when they entered the house. The boss said 'Talosia i matou,' but the taulealea didn't wait until the lotu was finished, and he whispered to the ear of the boss at the time he held his prayer. 'Na ou sau fai mai taulelea e avatu le pu sei ili. O fea le pu?' The boss heard the whispering and he said like this to the taulealea in the very loud voice. 'Talosia i matou vaai i luga o le pou' and his eyes was kept closed. The taulealea looked up the post of the house and the pu was there.

Contributed by Aiga Jonsson.(Samoan in Sweden.)

THE OLD MAN AND THE ALI

There was an old man lived in their small house on the island of Upolu, together with his son.The son worked in one of the big timber mills in the town.Every week when the son received his salary he usually gave some of it to his father to contribute in everything they needed and the father praised his son when he received his pay. One day the son met a girl and he invited her for lunch at Pinati's rice and curry.The father waited and the son didn't come home with the salary. So the son went home without anything left.The father stod up with a very angry look in his face and started scolding. Ofea sa e i ai ao fea lou totogi.The son looked up and said, I lost my pay - I don't know where is it.The toeaina velo his ali at the back and said, "Soia e te pepelo ua uma lou totogi o e aiaimea, aiaimea, aiaimea."

Contributed by Aiga Jonsson.

Siaki fuamoa

Sa tuli e le tamaloa lona atali'i e alu e su'e fuamoa i le aiga o Siaki. Na fai Siaki i le tamaititi, "alu e fai i lou tama, fa'amalie atu ua le maua atu se fuamoa, ae a tu'u fua loa matou miti, avatu loa ni tou fuamiti".

Anonymous contribution.

Chicago

There was a sailing boat from Chicago, sailed around the world long time ago.When they arrived in Samoa,there was a big storm blew and damaged the boat.The crews were very afraid because they already know what's gonna happen to them.One evening they saw a man stod on one of the big rock not far from them.So the crews didn't remembered where they were, and they thought they arrived in Chicago. OK!said one of the man, "Let's wave to that man for help,I'm sure he is from Chicago.They kept on waving and screamed, "CHICAGO, HELP US,CHICAGO HELP US,CHICAGO, CHICAGO" The man on the rock was very angry because the crew disturbed him by trying to catch the fish. The crews kept on calling and waving,CHICAGO, CHICAGO, CHIGACO, so the Samoan fisherman answered,"MOEKIK-'O.(figure it out.) The crew knew the man is from Hamo not from Chicago.

Contributed by Aiga Jonsson(Samoan in Sweden).

Old McDonald

THERE WERE THESE TWO SAMOANS DRIVING DOWN ON FALE STREET. THE TWO SAMOANS WERE SPEEDING RIGHT AS THEY CAME ACROSS FASTER ROAD. A PALAGI COP WAS HIDING BEHIND A BUSH WHEN THE TWO SAMOANS DROVE BY. THE POLICE STOPPED THEM. HE WAS ABOUT TO GIVE THEM A TICKET BUT THE PALAGI COP REALIZED THAT THEY WERE SAMOAN. SO HE SAID,"I'LL LET YOU GUYS GO IF YOU ANSWER TWO QUESTIONS CORRECTLY." THE TWO SAMOANS AGREED. THE COP SAID, "OLD McDONALD HAD A WHAT?" THE SAMOAN GUY THAT WAS DRIVING ASKED THE OTHER SAMOAN GUY IN THE BACK, "SOLE, O LE A LE TALI?" THE OTHER SAMOAN SAID, "SE, O LE FARM." SO THE GUY THAT WAS DRIVING SAID TO THE COP,"OLD McDONLAD HAD A FARM." THEY WERE ABOUT TO LEAVE WHEN THE PALAGI POLICE SAID,"WAIT, I HAVE ONE MORE QUESTION." THE PALAGI POLICE ASKED,"HOW DO YOU SPELL FARM?" THE SAMOAN GUY THAT WAS DRIVING TURNED AROUND AND ASKED THE OTHER SAMOAN GUY IN THE BACK," SOLE, O LE A LE TALI?" THE SAMOAN DUDE IN THE BACK SAID," SE O LE E, I, E, I, O" SO THE SAMOAN DRIVER SAID TO THE POLICE,"ITS E,I,E,I,O."

Contributed by JOYCE LIUPAOGO(KIKKIN IT AT LOGAN IN UNION CITY).

PILI IN THE FALEO'O

Sa fai le suega ulufale mo Niu Sila sa su'e ai la le afafine o le i si toeaina,ua manuia le suega a si teine ma ua sauni atu nei mo Niu Sila ma ua fai nei upu apoapoai a si toeaina i si ona afafine ia nofo lelei pe a alu i le aoga.E lei leva ona alu le teine i Niu Sila ae faalogo le toeaina ua mai to le teine,ia ua fau fau e'e le toeaina ma fetu'u si teine,Suga fai lou loto ae ou te le toe fia pupula ia te oe e oo mai le oti.Ua nofo nei le teine i Niu Sila mo le fia tausaga ma ua toe alofa nei iai le toeaina i si ona afafine.Ua o'o i le isi aso ua tusi nei le teine i ona matua o ia ua toe fia foi atu i Samoa,ua tali mai le toeaina,"IA SAU LOA UA UMA LO'U ITA" Ua taunuu le teine e alu atu ua nonofo nai ona matua i le faleo'o ona ua pau le latou fale i le afa, ua o'o i le po ua saofa'i faaseuapa le tamaitai i lalo tonu lava o le moli o le faleo'o,ua pau mai nei le pili ma taatia tonu lava i luga o le ogavae o le teine,ua tete'i le toeaina ma le loomatua i le ee o le teine ma oso ese ma valaau,"E--oka se mea lea e i luga o lou vae--"Ua oso atu si toeaina ma fesili poo le a ae oso le teine ma ua atili ai le faufau ee,"Daddy,Daddy,e fefe au i le pili,"Ua ita le toeaina ma ee"Eeeeeeee....si o'u afafine e fefe i le pili ae le fefe i le poki..."

Contributed by Aiga Jonsson

GET VICIOUS!

Through out the entire high school football season "Malili" never was given a chance to play in any of the games. It was now the last game of the season and the team was winning by a lot of points. With about 2 minutes left in "malili" senior year of high school football the coach gives out a monsterous yell and says, Malili come here, are you ready to get pumped? Malili says, i- goach I pumb ub. Coach-O.K., Malili I want you to get in there and get vicious, Malili replies- O.GAE Goach. Malili exsitingly runs on to the field to play defense for the next play. Soon as the play is over, Malili runs back to the sideline and says to his coach, -Oka goach I never see Vicious, what number he wear?

Contributed by Pa'a and Heather out in Humboldt county.

The Palagi Carpenter

There was a palagi man that was building a house in one of the small villages in Western Samoa. One day he was laying out cement for the foundation late in the evening when a old Samoan man said, "Sole, te valea ua leva le po ua fai pea na mea". The palagi man eagerly asked one of the samoan helpers what did the old man say, and the helper said "Oh, da old man say you do so guud job". Then the next following evening the palagi man was finishing off his work from the day before as the old Samoan man walked up again, looking enraged and upset. Said, "Eh, se fuamitia ia oe". Once again the palagi man asked his helper what did the old man say, and the helper replied, "Ha,Ha, da old man say you are nutts".

Contributed by Sweetpete

"The drunk Samoan"

How can you tell if a samoan man is drunk?

When he says, "Occifer, Occifer, I'm not drunk?!"

Anonymous

First Samoan Math Metition

Who was the first samoan math metition?

tua tua is a foua (2+2=4)

Anonymous

Two Words

There were three pastors who where talking. A Palagi, Meauli and Samoan. They were talking to each other until a Samoan lady came running after her son named Junior.

Junior ran right to the pastors and the Samoan lady spanked him about seven times, then she said "Junior, remember the two words I told you, huh?"

"No, mommy. I don't remember" replied the frightened little one.

"BE HAVE!" (behave)

Anonymous

Wearing flares

Why do samoans like to wear flares?

To hide their jandals.

Anonymous

Sleeping Fijian

Q What do U call a sleeping Fijian?

A: Moe Fiki!

Contributed by Ena

The Big Eartquake

There was a Maori, Hawaiian, and Samoan. One day the Maori got news that there was a big earthquake coming so he yelled, "Gather everything we need and run to the top of the hill!". So the Maori grabbed food, and ran to the top of the hill. Then the Hawaiian grabbed pillows and blankets and ran to the top of the hill. Well, the Samoan, he tore off the car door, and ran to the top of the hill.

When they got to the top of the hill the Maori looked at the Hawaiian and said, "Hey! Why'd you bring pillows and blankets?", and the Hawaiian replied, "In case we get tired, we can sleep". Then the Hawaiian said to the Maori,"Hey! Why'd you bring the food?", and the Maori replied, "In case we get hungry, we can eat." Then they both looked at the Samoan and said,"Hey! Why'd you bring the car door?". And the Samoan looked at them and said," In case we get hot, we can roll down the window!"

Anonymous
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