Hawaiian Jokes

Hawaiian Star

Question: How can you tell which one is the Hawaiian Star?

Answer: "Da NOT SO BRIGHT ONE!!!!

Submitted by Kent Hannemann of Orem, UT.

Moke & Kimo...

There were these two Hawaiian guys, Kimo & Moke... They were the DUMBEST Hawaiian's EVER! One day they decided to go get a job, so they went go talk to Sione da' "Tongan~Wall King!" Since these two buggahs was SO dumb, Sione gave them one easy job. "Take these two shovels...and dig this hole until I come back!" said Sione. "Shoots!" said Kimo & Moke. So they started digging. Pretty soon, it was lunch time, and Sione still neva come back, then pretty soon it was 3pm, and Sione STILL neva come back!! "Eh, Moke..." said Kimo. "Brah, I hungry already! I going go home, and get some food!" "You betta' not go!! Sione going be MAD!!" said Moke'. But Kimo neva care. So off he went. When he got home, he could hear noises coming from upstairs, so he quietly walked up the stairs...and towards the bedroom, where the noises were coming from. The door was open, so he peeked inside... When he saw it was his very own Pilipino wife getting it on with none other than Sione...He ran out of the house as fast as he could!! He ran, and ran, and ran all the way back to the jobsite!! When he got there, he was sweating, and out of breath... "What happened?!!" said Moke'. "HO, BRAH!! I went home fo' eat...and almost got CAUGHT!!!!! *HaHa!!*

Submitted by da' jokesta' from Utah

The Baldy Parrot

Leialoha of Honolulu had a very smart and bright parrot. The parrot, being her only companion in her 2 bedroom apartment, they spent a lot of time doing things together. Lei took a shower one evening and naturally took the parrot along with her. She instructed it not to peek while she's bathing or it will be punished. Lei placed the parrot on the bar of the shower curtain.

So, away she showered and accidently dropped the soap in the process. The parrot couldn't help but to ni'ele (CURIOUS) and it went, "RRRrrrrrr! RRRrrrrrr! I see your OKOLE! I see your OKOLE!" shouted the parrot. Leialoha jumped up and she scolded the parrot for peeking. She then punished the parrot by pulling off some feathers off of its head.

"Do that again and I'll pull off some more!" said Leialoha.

The next evening, the same thing happened and more feather were pulled. It got to the point where there was a nice little bald spot on the parrot's head!

One evening, Lei invited some friends over for dinner and a little party. Lei put the parrot by the door to greet their guests for that evening. "RRRrrrrrr! RRRrrrrrr! Goooood eeevening!, heeeello, c'mon iiiin" were some of the greetings that the parrot gave the guests as they walked into the house.

One of the guest that walked in was bald and when he saw the parrot, and as the parrot saw him, they were both shocked as they stared at each other for a few seconds. Then the parrot said to him, "RRRrrrrrr! RRRrrrrrr! And whose OKOLE did you see?"

Submitted by Dallin Muti

The Portagee Pilots

Two portagee pilots came in fo a landing at da honolulu airport. dey came throo da clouds, landed, and screeeeeched to a stop. one of da portagee pilots turned to the odda and said:"dis runway iz reeeeel short eh?!" and da odda portagee pilot responded:"yeah, and look how wide!"

- kalu

"Twenty-four! Twenty-four! Twenty-four!"

In da middle of downtown Kalihi next to a manhole is dis guy yellin, "Twenty-four! Twenty four! Twenty four!" den dis curious portagee ask da guy whats he yellin fo. Da guy openz da manhole cover and respondz, "Jump in and check it out!" da portagee climbs into da sewer throo da manhole to check um out. Da guy on da street closes da manhole and stahts shoutin, "Twenty-five! Twenty-five! Twenty-five!"

- kalu

Pop-Corn

How many portagee's does it take to make popcorn?

Five, one to hold da pan and four to shake da stove.

- kalu

Portagee in Texas

Dis portagee walk into a bar in texas and orda a beer. Da bartender gives a HUGE glass and da guy freaks out sayin, "Wow dats plenny!" da bartender says, "EVERYTING is big in Texas." So aftah about three huge beers, da portagee guy reeely gotta piss so he asks da bartendah whea da batchroom stay. Da bartendah tellz him its da second door on da right. Da portagee, drunk and needin to piss, accidently goes into da third door on da right. Da room has a swimmin pool in it and da dumb portagee fall insai it and yellz at da top of his lungs, "NO FLUSH! NO FLUSH!"

- kalu

Portagee vs. Flies

Why did god put wings on flies?

To beat the portagees to the garbage cans.

Contributed by Canuck

Portagee Astronaut

Did you hear about the Portagee Astronaut that is planning to land on the sun?

He said that he will do it at night...

Contributed by Canuck

A Dead Bird

Two Portagees were strolling down the road when one guy exclaimed, "how sad - a dead bird."

The other Portagee looked up and said, "where?"

Contributed by Niu Ulima

Hawaiian with one leg shorter...

What do you call a Hawaiian guy with one leg shorter than the other?

"Not even brah."

Contributed by David

The Thirsty Elephant (or wazzit da portagees?)

Two portagee's were trying to get their elephant to drink. No matter what they did, the elephant still won't drink from the pond. So one says I'll hold the trunk in the water and you suck from the okole to get the water in. So one holds the trunk in the pond and the other goes behind the elephant. The one behind suddenly gags and says, " raise the trunk a little, I think it's touching the mud".

Contributed by Sean

Bathroom Etiquette

Two Portagee's were way out in the woods. Then one realizes he has to take a crap. He doesn't know what to do since there is no toilet paper.
The other Portagee(the smart one) says, " no worries,use a dollar".
So he runs off behind a tree to do his business. A few moments later he comes walking back to his friend, releaved, but his hand is covered with crap.
The smart one yells,"what did you do, I told you to use a dollar"!
His friend then shows him his hand and says, " I did!! See there's the two quarters, four dimes, and two nickels"!

Contributed by Sean

Gates of Heaven

There was this three guys, one Japanese, one Filopino, one Portagee and all three was standing at the gates of heaven. At da gate there was St. Peter, he said, "If you wish to enter the gates of heaven you must answer one question correctly." St. Peter looks at da Japanese guy, " Mitsuo, how many "Ls" are in Here Comes the Bride" and the Japanese looks up and said, "Zero!!!". St. Peter lets Mitsuo in. Den St. Peter looks at the Filipino guys and said, "Manong, how may "Ls" are in Here Comes the Bride?" The filipino tinks and say, "Ahhhhhh meeeebbee no moooorrreeee". St. Peter lets Manong in Heaven. Now he looks at da Portagee guy and asks, "Mano how many L's are there in Here Comes the Bride?" Mano he tink and he tink and say, "Oh St. Peta I like go heaven but dis one tuff question", den he tink and he tink and say, "I gettum 26!" St. Peter looks at Mano and says, "Mano, how did you get 26??"

Mano says, "La la la la, la la la la..............."

Contributed by Ipo

Da Bo Stew

Had dis t'ree guys one Japanese one Hawaiian and one Portagee. All of dem wuz hungry and wanted fo grind but all dey had wuz one bo stew. So da Japanese said, "I no let us go sleep and who eva has da bes dream can have da bo stew" Dey all agree and went to bed. Da nex morning da Japanese said, "Oh I had the best dream, I wen dream I wuz at one Japanese business meeting and dey had sashimi, sushi, ogo, every ting you can tink of, I ate so much I was so full." Da Hawaiian shakes his head and says, "No wayz brah, I had da bes dream, I wen dream I wuz at dis luau and dea wuz poi, poke, lau lau, evryting you can tink of, I ate so much I wuz full." Den dey look at da Portagee and he wuz quiet, dey said, "Hey Mano wat you wen dream?" Mano looks at dem and said, "Oh I wen dream you guys wuz fu so I wen eat da bo stew!"

Contributed by Ipo

Sumo joke

Why did da Sumo cross da road?

To get to da manapua truck!

Contributed by Ipo

One-Handed Portagee

How do you get a one handed portagee out of da tree?

You wave at him.

Contributed by Ipo

Portagee car insurance

What do you call Portagee car insurance?

My Fault.

Contributed by Ipo

Kahuku, Nanakuli & Waipahu

In Kahuku, ten Samoans, I am trapped.
In Nanakuli, ten Hawaiians, my wallet is missing.
In Waipahu, ten Filipinos, did you see my dog?

Contributed by Ipo

Mental Health

What do you call a Hawaiian guy who helps you with personal problems?

Kimo Therapy

Anonymous contribution
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