What do you call Fijian chiefs beating each other up gangland-style?
Ratu-itous violence!

Contributed by C. S. Leschhorn

Beauty Pageant

Have you heard what happened at the Fijian beauty pageant?
"NOBODY WON!"

Contributed by Canuck

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Polynesian PMs in Plane Joke! (Plane Stupid?)

Once there was a small plane that was carrying Tafilau Eti Alesana, the Prime Minister of Samoa; Baron Vaea, the Prime Minister of Tonga; Sitiveni Rabuka, the Prime Minister of Fiji, and a student from the University of the South Pacific. They where starting to fly over land when the pilot noticed one of the engines caught on fire, and two others where failing. He said "This plane may soon be engulfed in flames, and there are only four parachutes. One of us will have to take his chance with this plane."
Tafilau got up and said "I am the Prime minister of Samoa! They need me!" and took a parachute and jumped out. Baron Vaea got up and said "I am the second most important person in Tonga. The King depends on me!" And jumped out. Rabuka then took out a Magnum .357 that he had concealed in his sulu, aimed it at everyone else, and backed to where the parachutes where. "I am the Very model of the Modern Major General. I am the architect of the Constitution of the glorious Republic. I am the Brains of Fiji!" He then jumped out. The pilot said "It is all my fault that the plane is crashing. I did not even do a pre-flight check. Take the last parachute, please. The student looked at him and said "you are wrong. There are two parachutes left."
The pilot said "how?"
The student said "The Brains of Fiji took my backpack"!

Contributed by C. S. Leschhorn

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$3,000.00

How do the Fijians say three thousand dollars?
Fi-jis (3 G's)

Anonymous

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When asked by a reporter what he thought of Fijian rugby player Joely Vindiri when he first met him, Tongan Rugby God Jonah Lomu replied: "At first I thought he was wearing sunglasses but then I realised they were his nostrils."

Contributed by SHWON

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Too much curry

There were four people on a plane.An Australian,an Indian,  a Fijian and an Asian. The plane became overloaded and the pilot told the passengers to throw out what they have too much in their country.The pilot asks the Aussie "what do you have too much in your country?" He replied "kangaroos" so the Aussie throws out a kangaroo and out it went.Then the pilot asks the Asian "what do you you have too much in your country? He replied "rice".So the Asian threw out rice and out it went. Then it came to the Fijian. The pilot asks him "what do you have too much in your country?" The Fijian had no reply instead he turned to the Indian, grabbed him and threw him out. Then he replied "we have too much curry!!"

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A Fijian Hell

A Fijian dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country.
He goes first to the German hell and asks, "What do they do here?" He is told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."
Then he goes in and out of the USA hell then the Russian hell and Australian hell as well as many more. He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell.
Finally he goes to the Fijian hell and saw a lot of people waiting to get in. Amazed he asks, "What do they do here?" He is told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Fijian devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day."
"But that is exactly the same as all the other hells - why are there so many people waiting to get in?"
Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair does not work, someone has stolen all the nails from the bed, and the devil is a former Government servant, so he comes in, signs the register and then goes to the canteen for tea break.

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Wrigleys
 
A Fijian man was having coffee and croissants with butter and jam in a cafe when a New Zealand tourist, chewing gum, sat next to him.
The Fijian politely ignored the New Zealander, who, never the less started up a conversation.
The New Zealander snapped his gum and said, "You Fijian folks eat the whole bread?"
The Fijian frowned, annoyed with being bothered during his breakfast, and replied, "Of course." The New Zealander blew a huge bubble.
"We don't. In New Zealand, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect, recycle them, and transform them into croissants and sell them to Fiji."
The New Zealander had a smirk on his face. The Fijian listened in silence. The New Zealander persisted.
"D'ya eat jam with the bread?" Sighing the Fijian replied, "Of course."
Cracking his gum between his teeth, the Kiwi said, "We don't. In New Zealand, we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell them to Fiji."
The Fijian then asked, "Do you have sex in New Zealand?" The New Zealander smiled and said, "Why of course we do."
The Fijian leaned closer to him and asked, "And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?" We throw them away, of course." says the New Zealander.
Now it was the Fijian's turn to smile. "We don't. In Fiji, we recycle them, we put them in a container, melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to New Zealand. Why do you think it's called Wrigleys?

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Designated Drunk Decoy

Late one evening, a Police officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk.
The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes with the officer quietly observing.
After trying his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his own car, which he fell into. He was there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally, he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a dry night), flicked the hazard flasher on and off, tooted the horn, and then switched on the lights.
He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little, and then remained stationary for a few more minutes as more patrons left in their vehicles.
At last he pulled out of the parking lot and started to drive slowly down the street. The police officer, having patiently waited all this time promptly pulled the man over and carried out a Breathalyzer test, which to his amazement indicated no evidence of the man consuming alcohol!
Dumbfounded, the officer said, "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the Police Station. This Breathalyzer equipment must be broken."
"I doubt it," said the man, "Tonight, I'm the designated drunk decoy!"

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