Samoan Jokes 4

RootBeer

There was 3 samoan cousin's who moved to hawaii to work with their uncle..The first work week was finally over, it was the weekend and they wanted to get drunk, so they asked their uncle for money and he gave them $200..They walked to 7-11 went in and stood in front of the fridge for a long while looking for beer..they looked left to right up and down and finally saw the word beer, so they bought 3 cases, they got home and started drinking and drinking until all 3 cases were done, one of the sole's said, ele oga seise pia a amelika na'o le tiga le magava, then the other 2 sole's said for them to go buy more beer, so they went and bought 2 more cases, after they drank the 2 cases their uncle shows up and sees all the cans lying around, one guy says to the uncle, we no get oga from amelika pia only tiga le magava, the uncle shakes his head and picks up the can and says look you makavalea it says ROOTBEER..

Contributed by J.T.

What happened to P?

My Little ULAVALE Hamo Nephew Asked His Teacher To Go To The Bathroom.

Teacher: "Say The Alphabet First."

Nephew: " A-B-C-D-E-F-G-H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O-......-Q-R-S-T-U-V-W-X-Y-Z."

Teacher: "What Happened To The P?"

Nephew: "It's Running Down My Leg."

Contributed by MP.

Aunty & Doc

My 100% Samoan aunty went to the doctor complaining of pain. "Where are you hurting?" asked the doctor. "You has (have) to help me, I hurting (hurt) all over", said aunty. "What do you mean, all over?" asked the doctor, "be a little more specific."

My aunty touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "Auoi, tas (that) hurts." Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, "Ouching! (Ouch) tas (that) hurts, too." Then she touched her right earlobe, "AiKae, even TAS (that) hurts", she cried. The doctor looked at her thoughtfully for a moment and asked, "Are you a natural Samoan Woman?" "Why, yesh (yes) ," she said.

"I thought so," said the doctor, "You have a broken finger."

"Oh, so ish my fingus (finger)!"

Contributed by MP.

...puppies

There were 3 women, a Samoan, a Tongan, and a Fijian, all sitting in the doctor's office one day. All three of them were pregnant. The Fijian woman looks around and says, "I think that I'm going to have a girl, because when the baby was concieved, I was on the top." The Tongan woman looks at her and says, " Well, I think I'm going to have a boy, because when my baby was concieved, I was on the bottom." The Samoan woman looks up and says, " I think I'm having puppies."

Contributed by MP.

Doctor's Visit

A Samoan goes to a doctor and tells that both his ears are burnt. "Sit down and tell me how it happened," said the doctor.
"Well,I ish (was) ironing my clothes, when I receiving (received) a call and insdead (instead) of picking ta (the) phone I picking (picked) up ta (the) iron and purning (burnt) my 'ia (ear)."
"But that's one ear what about the other?"
"Ta (the) bunk (punk) called akain (again)!!"

Contributed by MP.

Horseback Riding

A Samoan named Siaki had a near death experience the other day when he went horseback riding. Everything was going fine until the horse started bouncing out of control. He tried with all his might to hang on, but was thrown off.
Just when things could not possibly get worse, his foot got caught in the stirrup. When this happened, he fell head first to the ground. His head continued to bounce harder as the horse did not stop or even slow down. Just as he was giving up hope and losing consciousness, the Wal-Mart manager happened to walk by and unplug it.

Contributed by MP.

Burger King

Two Polys (Samoan and Tongan) were driving through Louisiana when they came to a sign that told them they were almost to Natchitoches. They argued all the way there about how to pronounce the name of the town. Finally they stopped for lunch. After getting their food, the Samoan said to the cashier, "Can you settle an argument for us? Very slowly, tell us where we are." The cashier leaned over the counter and said, "Buuurrrrrr-Gerrrrrr Kiiiinnnnnggg".

Contributed by MP.

Ice Fishing Hamos

One day, a group of Hamos and a group of Palagis went ice fishing on either sides of the lake. They all got settled and started fishing. The Palagis were pulling out the fish like crazy, while the Hamos didn't even get a bite! The Hamos spent 2 hours trying to figure out what to do. Then they got it. They sent a 'spy' over to the other side to see what the Palagis were doing differently. So he snuck over there and started thinking and watching. He sat there for an hour. Then, he yelled "I GOT IT!!" and ran back. When he got back, all the other Hamos asked what the Palagis were doing differently. He said - "They cut a hole in the ice!!"

Contributed by MP.

Survival Trip

These 2 Samoans went on a wilderness survival trip. The camp director told them I'm gonna teach u how to survive in the woods. He told the palagis to hunt for meat, he told the meauli's to get some firewood.

He then told the Samoans to get some eating supplies.

Time went by and the palagi's returned and yelled "we got the meat!". The meauli's returned and yelled "we got the firewood!" 3 hours went by and still the samoans didnt return. The camp director was starting to worry and yelled "lets form a search party!" So as they were searching they came across some bushes and noticed some movement, the camp director said who's there? and out jumped the samoans and yelled "supplies!"

Contributed by Krooz.

Teacher! Teacher!

It is the first day of school and this little boy stands up and says, "Teacher! Teacher! I gotta pee!" then the Teacher says, "No Billy we don't say pee, we say number one." About an hour later, another boy stands up and says, "Teacher! Teacher! I gotta poop!" Then the Teacher says, "No Bobby we don't say poop, we say number two."

Then about 45 minutes later a Samoan Kid stands up and says, "Teacher! Teacher! Quick gimme a number cause I really gotta fart!"

Contributed by MP.

Wild Card

A little boy named Siaki walks in on his parents making love and says "Oh no! What are you doing?" His father tells him, "we're playing cards and the your mother is my wild card."

A few days later, he has the same experience with his aunt and uncle and gets the same response.

A week after that he walks in on his uncle playing with himself. He says "Oh my goodness! What are you doing?"

His uncle says, I'm playing cards."

"Where's your wild card," the boy asks.

The uncle replies, "Son, you don't need one when you've got a good hand."

Contributed by MP.

The Samoan Chorister

In 1988, I had the honor of going to Apia for the 100 year celebration of mormonism in the Samoan islands. During the two week celebration I had the opportunity to attend many events as well as church services. At one Sunday service that I attended the chorister got up and said: "Pleas turn to page third for the start hymn." Needless to say I never sang the hymn because I was too busy laughing at the FOB on the stand. In fact, I excused myself before the opening prayer.

Contributed by Ka'au Alapa.

Curious Kid

My nephew is a very curious kid. At the age of 5, he realized that he was adopted, so he decided to search for his real parents. Fortunately he found his real mother, a samoan lady who just moved to the States from Savaii. Unfortunately, his real father left her. One day he wanted to get acquainted with his mom so he asked her," Mom, how much do you weigh?" His mom answered, "Don't ash (ask) me or any other woman tas (that) kuesten (question)." He left, then came back again. He asked, "How old are you?" She answered yet again, "Don't never (ever) ash (ask) me or any other woman tas (that) kuesten (question)." He finally asked a pretty subtle question. He asked," Mother how tall are you?" She told him to get her driver's license. He came running back asking, "Mom was the reason you got a divorce, was because you have an "F" in sex?"

Contributed by MP.

"How many Samoans does it take....?"

How many Samoans does it take to change a light bulb?

No one knows, they can't get the hammer away.

Anonymous contribution.

Samoan Lady walked into Nations Bank

A clever Samoan old lady walked into Nations Bank and told the teller "I want to deposit 1 million dollars into my account." The teller left and got the president of the bank because she couldn't handle such large amounts of cash. The president who happened to be Tongan took the clever samoan old lady into his office and began doing paperwork. The tongan man was curious and asked "How did you get hold of so much money." The clever samoan old lady said "I make a living off of unusual bets." The tongan president said "Can you give me an example?" She replies "I bet you my 1 million dollars that your balls will be square by tomorrow at noon." the tongan president thought to himself that this samoam old lady was dumb, "Sure he says, its a bet." When the tongan president was about to leave work he got kind of nervous so he went to the bathroom, pulled down his pants, and nothing happened yet. He went home and checked again, nothing has happened. Before he went to bed he checked again and nothing happened. The next day at work it was almost noon and the tongan president could see that the old lady was about to walk into the bank. He ran to the bathroom, pulled down his pants, and nothing has happened. The tongan man felt like a rich man already.
The clever samoan old lady walked into the bank with a Hawaiian guy behind her. She greets the president and wants to finish depositing her 1 million dollars. The tongan president says "Sorry, but nothing has happened so that is rightfully my 1 million dollars." The samoan old lady says "Well just for my purpose, is it ok if I check in case you may be lying to me." The tongan president did not care because he thought he was going to be rich. So he said "Sure." So the tongan president, the clever samoan old lady, and the Hawaiian man that was standing behind her all went into the president's office. The tongan president pulled down his pants and the samoan old lady got on her knees and started feeling his balls to see if they were square. Nothing happened, but the Hawaiian man started to cry. The tongan president asked "Why is that man crying?" The clever samoan old lady said "Don't worry about him, I betted him 3 million dollars yesterday that I will get the president of the bank by his balls."

Contributed by Ipu Haro Afoa.

A beautiful lady in Samoa

What do get when you see a beautiful lady in Samoa? A tourist!!!!!!

Anonymous contribution.

The Samoan Pastor

A samoan pastor juss arrived hea' in tha states...so he has little experience in tha english language. Dis one samoan church invited him for service. So he decided to do a little speech foe his peeps.. then he started his lauga (sermon) "Ou te alofa uma ia te outou"...looking at tha puzzling faces in tha crowd...he translated..."I wanna make love to you all"

Anonymous contribution.

Volleyball Game

We were playing volleyball at a church activity when one of the girls scraped her elbow along the floor while diviing for the volleyball. Once she realized she was bleeding from the scar she ran to the sideline crying,"Coach...Coach I fink (think) I'm INJURY!!!!

Anonymous contribution.

Diet Coke

We were sittting in the lunchroom in high school with all the poly boyz. One of the guys was going to go to the vending machine to get soda pop, so all of us gave him our orders. I ordered a coke, Tevita ordered a Sprite, and then Sione the fob of the group ordered and said," ko ann kiv me a diet coke ann flee da caffeine." (caffeine free diet coke)-true story.

Anonymous contribution.

Playing Video Games

We went to the arcade with Oa a fob from Samoa. After an hour of playing video games I started looking for Oa because I had split from him earlier. When I turned a corner I saw him looking extremely angered and confused. So I walk up to Oa and ask,"Oa what's wrong man?" Oa responds," all uff da kame ish not work for me!" So once I calmed him down I check the coin return.......Only to find two dimes and a nickel.

Anonymous contribution.
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