THE END TIMES

VOLUME III || ISSUE 1 || OCTOBER 5, 2005

October 8, 2005: The Day the World Will End!

JBU Builds Highwell to Hell

True Nature of the New Business Center Revealed!

New ID Cards Mark of the Beast?

New Walkway Haunted

Wereskunks Running Wild on Quad

Mayfield to be Demolished

To the Little Man

Other Little Things...

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Wereskunks Running Wild on Quad

As the month of October approaches concern should rise in the hearts of JBU students. For not only are there rumors that the world will end but also for the fact that Mars is coming closer and closer to earth. Why is this a problem you might ask? Wereskunks, that's why. For some reason wereskunks are attracted to Mars like their werewolf cousins are attracted to the moon. An expert in the study of wereskunks had this to say. "Under normal circumstances, wereskunks feed on chickens, dogs and cats, and only on very rare occasions the occasional slow-moving child or senior citizen," says the expert. "But these days with Mars drawing closer they're hungrier -- and that puts people from all walks of life in real peril." Male wereskunks are big -- up to 30 pounds of almost pure solid muscle. And with their razor sharp teeth and claws, they can and will rip you to pieces.

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