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THE END TIMES VOLUME III || ISSUE 1 || OCTOBER 5, 2005 |
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October 8, 2005: The Day the World Will End! True Nature of the New Business Center Revealed! New ID Cards Mark of the Beast? |
True Nature of the New Business Center Revealed!In March, we reported that the Business Center was a Nuclear Testing Facility. We were wrong, and the journalist responsible has been sentenced to take a trip on the Highway to Hell. In light of the not-so-factual information, the true nature of the so-called "Business Center" has revealed itself; a well-protected shelter. Not just any shelter mind you, but an Apocalyptic Shelter. Several End Times Investigative Reporters have uncovered documents and blueprints concerning the shelter dating back to the Apostle Paul's Chapel Speech in 1987. The Business Center�-er, the Apocalyptic Shelter�-has been designed to house select JBU students and faculty in a self-sufficing underground shelter. Notable features of this Armeggedon-proof location include earthquake-resistant walls, seven custom built and spiritual reinforced water tanks (to prevent being tainted by the third trumpet), and a supply of locust repellant to last two years. Those who will be tucked away in the shelter will be chosen by lottery, but only to the University's apportioned quota of 144,000. "We only get four slots in the tribe of Dan," says one faculty member, "but I think I'll have better luck getting one of the twenty in Asher's." Construction of the shelter was delayed several weeks due to a shift in the foundation. Apparently, one of the earthquake-resistant columns fractured when tapped with a shovel. |
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