We start another adventure, I explain to them ...these hopeful eyes who look to me for strength, for security and peace. I smile, hoping my smile will hide the fear and trembling within me. Yes, we start another adventure.

A trip to the grocery store. Not as simple as it used to be. We have to walk three blocks back to the shelter, check in with the staff, borrow a small wheeled cart to bring back our wares and relax for a few minutes after waiting in a government building for hours on end. They patiently waited, watching me fill out form after form. One of the shelter staff members tell us which cupboard is assigned to be ours. Ours; it's so fun! The little things we once took for granted now bring sweet pleasure and simple joy.

We walk another six blocks in one of the same few outfits we've been wearing for almost three weeks because our clothes are 40 miles away in a storage unit waiting for me to get it together and find us a home; get us on our feet again ...all the means to my carefully planned objectives having fallen to the wayside or yanked away.

It is hot, early July, just after the Independence Day celebration. The New England heat and humidity penetrate deeply as its rich history floods our senses. Every cobblestone street we tread on, every building's detailed cornice we spy, each perfumed whiff of lilac that delicately lingers in the air whispers of the past, teasing our minds and imaginations. I feed their imaginations with bits of the past to keep their minds off of the present. I join them in relishing the rich heritage of this place, bursting with our own genealogy and history longing to be discovered.

Looking down at my children's faces, I realize they are more likely just excited to be going shopping and couldn't care less about my ramblings. I am likely lost again in a flight of nonsensical fancy, alone. Wouldn't be the first time, I have to giggle to myself. They know me and tease me about it from time to time but are patient with my tendency to point and say "Look, cows!" or "I wonder what they were thinking when they chose to build their farm house there... what their hopes and dreams were... why they stopped here and did not go further? Look, you can see the original cabin, where they lived before they built the big house." ...ad infinitum.

Almost there now, the heat rises from the mirage-like waves dancing on the large expanse of blacktop now burning our feet as we cross a freshly poured road whose newness stands out against the old cobblestones now buried. We gingerly pick up our pace as the whimsical trip into the past quickly fades. At last, we reach the grocery store. Hot and sweaty, I stop for a moment just inside the door and enjoy a deep breath as the air conditioning pours down on us like liquid coolness. A drinking fountain; another simple delight I overlooked for so long. The kids crowd it, excited for the relief it will bring to their tired and sweaty young bodies.

I try to verbalize each positive little smidgen of our experience to distract their young eyes from those looking down at us, calculating our worth by our appearance. It dawns on me that I now understand more clearly what it feels like to be homeless, living in a shelter, completely dependent upon someone else ..."the system." How many times have I looked at someone else with that disapproval plainly displayed in my eyes? How many hearts have I pierced with a mere backward glance?