It is night time again. I try to sleep. I can't. The heat is unbearable. The sound of the fan drowns out my sobs so they don't reach the ears of my three sleeping children in the room with me. I close my eyes and the nightmares start again....

He is laughing at me. He took my youth, my innocence, my virtue, my trust, my virginity, my self-esteem, my talents, my hope, my family, my friends, my strength, my home.... my soul. He took them all. I gave them. And now, he only laughs. He is laughing and pounding and yelling and breaking things, shooting a gun and blaming me for his outbursts.

He suddenly stops his tirade and sobs like a child. He looks at me longingly and says he can't live without me. 'Pleads with me to not look at him with fear in my eyes. I am dumbfounded. He looks at me lovingly and asks me to come to him and let him love me as only he can. I want to. I want to be loved. I want to feel his strong arms around me and hear him whisper sweetly to me.

I go to him. He holds me close, pulls me close to him and squeezes me tightly. He slowly squeezes tighter and tighter. I am taken to the bed where he holds me down tighter. I can't move. I am frozen with fear and held by his brutal strength. He covers my mouth and tells me to be quiet and he won't hurt me. I know better though. He is not capable of love. Fear rips through me. I scream but no sound comes out. I am screaming and crying. He is hurting me; forcing me to do degrading things. I am screaming but no one hears me. He is hurting me, not letting me go.