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| There was an inflatable classroom with an inflatable teacher and inflatable pupils and the teacher said to one of the boys, "Because you've been playing with that pin you've not only let yourself down you've let me down and the whole class down!" Woman 1: Something terrible happened yesterday my husband had a heart attack pulling up a cabbage in the back garden Woman 2: Oh no, what did you do? Woman 1: We opened a tin of peas instead What does ET stand for? ET stands when he doesn't want to sit Why couldn't Spock flush the toilet? Because of the captain's log What do you get if you swallow cement? Stoned! What do you call a snowman that stands by a fire? Puddled! What do you call a gingerbread man with a broken leg? Limp Bizkit Man 1: What�s the worst thing you�ve ever done Man 2: Once I got home from a party and blew chunks Man 1: That�s not that bad Man 2: You don�t get it chunks is my dog A man came home from work one day to find his wife crying Husband: What�s up? Wife: I was cleaning out little Susie�s bedroom today and I found chains, whips and handcuffs Husband: I guess a spanking is out of the question What's red and orange and looks good on hippies? Fire Woman 1: I don't smoke, drink or swear Woman 2: Oh Woman 1: Oh fuck I've left my fags in the pub Why are women like a pack of cards? Hearts - You fall in love with them Diamonds - You marry them Clubs - You beat them Spades - You bury them! A young boy came home from school one day to find his dad with his knob in the biscuit tin. Young boy: Mum, why has dad got his knob in the biscuit tin? Mum: Because he's fucking crackers. A boy was walking home from school one day when a man stopped in a car by him. Man in the car: I'll give you one of my sweets if you come in my car Boy: Give me the whole pack and I'll come in your mouth. A man had a tattoo on his dick saying "I love you" and one night his wife said to him, "There you go again putting words in my mouth!" NEWS FLASH - SADDAM HUSSEIN has been captured. The Americans heard he was hiding in a field. So they sprayed it with Viagra and the prick stood up! Why did the condom fly across the room? It was pissed off Man in library: Do you have any books on suicide? Librarian: Yes we do they are over there on the left Man in library: I've looked there are none there Librarian: Well they don't bring them back A taxi driver packed his job in. He said he was tired of people talking behind his back. A man gets run over by a mobile library. He was screaming in pain and the librarian came out went up to him and said "ssssssshh." "I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well." A man takes his cross eyed dog to the vets who picks him up for a closer look. Doctor: Sorry I'll have to put him down Man: Because he's cross eyed? Doctor: No because he's too heavy Yo mama's so fat when she wears a yellow raincoat, people shout "Taxi!" Yo mama's so fat when she steps on a scale, it read, "One at a time, please." Yo mama's so fat after having sex with her I rolled over twice and I was still on the bitch. Yo mama's so fat God can't lift her spirits! Yo mama's so fat she played Free Willy's stunt double. Yo mama's so fat you could park a bus in the shadow of her ass . Yo mama's so fat they won't allow her on most bridges. Yo mama's so fat when I had sex with her I burnt my ass on the light bulb. What is ET short for? Because he's got no legs First farmer: I found my wife in bed with another man Second farmer: You bitter? First farmer: Yep bit him too A dyslexic man walks into a bank and shouts, �Air in the hands mother stickers this is a fuck up!� |
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