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| Yo mama's so fat, that when she stepped on the scales it said,
"Get the fuck off me!" Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and leg in a car crash? He's all right now. Did you hear about the man who was tap dancing? He broke his ankle when he fell into the sink. Where do you get virgin wool from? Ugly sheep. Why do bagpipers walk when they play? They're trying to get away from the noise. How many men does it take to wallpaper a room? About two - if they're thinly sliced. What do you do if you come across a tiger in the jungle? Wipe him off, apologise and RUN! What do you do if an elephant comes through your window? Swim! A dyslexic man walks into a bra. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking? They already have boyfriends. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? A widow. A comedian packed in his job. He said he was fed up with people laughing at him all the time. What do you get if you cross and a bear with a skunk? Winnie the Pooh. What do you get if you cross a Bulldog with a Shih Tzu? A Bullshit. Mommy, Mommy! What happened to all that dog food Fido wouldn't eat? Shut up and eat your meat loaf. Mommy, Mommy! When are we going to have Aunt Edna for dinner? Shut up, we haven't even finished your Grandmother yet. Mommy, Mommy! I hate my sister's guts. Shut up and eat what's put in front of you. |
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