posted April 19, 2000 11:52 AM               

Ask your friend politely to lay off the bon bons lest his midsection overpowers his sense of style.

Dearest Newcru,

I doubt you have lost your touch. You are merely wearying underneath the weight of a nigh-impossible task. What you need is a week off in Sydney Austrailia or New Orleans to rekindle your cleansing flame!
(Ps I am partial to "Lash Tart" while I am writing this column!

Gentle Paul,

Banish those critters to the Phantom Zone but be very careful where you aim.

Beagle Boy & Cobalt Kid,

I can kinda answer your questions in unison. Now, isn't the illsion of love better than no love at all as long as no one is hurt? If that's not good enough, Cobalt, I can send youso pics of hotties to select from. And Beagle, I am truly flattered but remember "Space Tart" is merely ONE of my many personalities!

Shark Lad,

Eating your potential love candidates is just unacceptable...I mean, I AM assuming you are speaking of litterally sallowing them into your predator's stomach. If it is instead some vague sexual euphanism then it's okay. If not then you're due for a spanking, mister!

posted April 19, 2000 12:50 PM               

If one wants to tell a Durlan to change the.....proportions of part of their anatomy, what may be a sensitive way to do that?

------------------
Whining Wildly Boy of the LMB

posted April 19, 2000 08:17 PM               

Durla, 2920. There you sit, dressed to the 9's.

You are sharing a glass of Silverale with your Durlan sentientfriend. You say, "SO I hear you are a shapeshifter. Well, I am itching to exlore NEW territory...if you catch my drift (seductive wink).

posted April 19, 2000 10:15 PM            

Should Bellbookcandle Kid go back to the UK or stay in the USA ?

Can the LMB members continue to pay the rising high prices on pet food ? Or is the LMB mascots doomed ?

posted April 20, 2000 05:45 AM               

If you accidently send a part of your body to the phantom zone is there an easy way to get it back? Does it still move around with you or does it float off?

concerned of Earth

posted April 22, 2000 09:55 PM               

bbc kid should move to the USA. I have heard that Tennessee is a particularly nice state ;-)

Dearest Paul,

I wondered what that disembodied... member that popped onto my coffee table was doing there. Now I know. It's made a lovely conversation piece but you may pick it up at your liesure.

posted April 23, 2000 11:28 PM               

Is it okay to use my flight ring to help "position" multiple paramours of mine?

------------------
Whining Wildly Boy of the LMB

posted April 24, 2000 12:43 AM               

Any suggestions as to how I could help Shady get over her fear of sharks?

Thanks,

S.L.

p.s. I'll let you know if I need that spanking.

posted April 25, 2000 10:35 PM               

I doubt a strong, strapping young fella like you needs any help positioning multiple paramours. But if you do, I'll be right over.....

Shark Lad,

It is only natural for one as delicate as Shady to natuarally fear a predator such as yourself. I myself have no fear of predators---I eat 'em up and spit 'em out.

Lash Tart---over, aound, under, through & out!

posted April 26, 2000 03:50 AM               

when I'm not whining, I'm moaning

And feel free to come on over!

------------------
Whining Wildly Boy of the LMB

posted April 26, 2000 09:38 PM               

------------------
Whining Wildly Boy of the LMB

posted April 27, 2000 06:53 AM               

When looking for the perfect way to set the mood, do I want hot, dripping candle wax or sweet chocolate?

------------------
Whining Wildly Boy of the LMB

posted April 27, 2000 09:21 AM               

You want neither for a first encounter. Musn't come off as too freaky or in need of any outside assisstance. Just let your natural charms ensnare your love victim and break out the fetish items when you have them (as my pal Olivia always said) hopelessly devoted to you!

Newcru,

Yeah I saw that pic, man. >jumpin' jimminy cricket, what a hottie!<

AHEM. Excuse my uncharateristic outburst.

posted April 27, 2000 10:31 PM               

Are you hitting on me?

S.L.

posted April 28, 2000 08:28 PM               

as charming as you are I am sure the 2nd date would be fine for fetish items. If your date runs screaming into the night then perhaps I have misjudged your charm level ;-) Love, Lash Tart

posted April 29, 2000 04:16 AM               

Oh I HIGHLY reccomend Tennessee for your touristing pleasure. My apartment in particular is located not far from the purple moutains majesty and amber waves of grain.

You don't want to miss the beautiful spacious skies here either.

Several celebrities have called Tennessee home such as: Elvis Presley, Kathy Bates, Al Green & (my role model) Cybill Shepard (tee hee).

Your cultural level can only be dramatically raised by visiting this beautiful state. Call me when you get here!

Hugs-n-Kisses,

posted April 29, 2000 04:22 AM               

...but Texas is just TOO DARN HOT in the summertime!

Sharklad,

There is a fine line between internet flirting and witty repartee'......and I try to cross it whenever possible. So, to answer your question: Yes & No.

Toodles for now.....Lash Tart

posted April 29, 2000 09:48 AM               

Thank you for the return of my straying errr... organ. I have, however, noticed teethmarks in it though which I'm quite sure weren't there before. Care to explain?

Paul

posted April 29, 2000 11:18 AM               

"Do I make you 'orny, baby?"