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Elevators by Brent K.
Elevators are one of the most awkward inventions known to man.
They do a great service by moving us up and down, but they come with peculiar situations.
And it is very fun to be a part of those peculiar situations. Elevators are the best place to make yourself laugh, while getting other people agitated at the same time.
Just so my audience knows, I work in a high rise building in downtown New Orleans with a bunch of lawyers who have better stuff to do with their lives than waste five seconds standing in an elevator. It seems like it is a law that once you get a job requiring you to wear a suit, that you must have no common courtesy, not be allowed to laugh, and are required to ignore everyone. Business people do not want to be in elevators, and that is what makes pulling elevator pranks so fun.
But before you break the sacred rules of the elevator, you must first know what they are.
Rule #1: Don't talk to anyone inside an elevator.
Rule #2: Don't talk to anyone inside an elevator.
Rule #3: Stare straight ahead, and do not turn around.
Rule #4: If you are wearing a suit, then you get to push people out of the way and step out first.
The first prank you must try is very immature, but is definitely worth it. Just stand in front of an elevator, gaze at the numbers, and do not push the button. When people walk toward the elevator, they will think you pushed the button, and they will just stand there, too. Everyone will be standing, looking like a bunch of idiots until someone finally realizes the button was not pushed. When it has gone on long enough and you start to laugh, you need to walk away quickly because all the professional people will be nodding their heads at your childish act.
The next elevator situation I must attribute to my old sociology professor. When you get in an elevator, face the back wall. The people riding in the elevator will give you cold stares, thinking to themselves, "That idiot. You are supposed to face the front!" I have even had a woman back up to the far corner of the elevator because I freaked her out so much. She tried to make it look nonchalant, but it was obvious I made her uncomfortable.
Have you ever tried to start a random conversation with a person in an elevator? Don't bother trying because they will not talk back. Talking to someone will really piss him off. The best is when you find someone who will not even answer you. If that happens, then keep talking. Tell them about your day and how much you love Barney the purple dinosaur. The person just keeps staring forward, waiting for his floor.
If you are in a bad mood, and you need to release some steam, you can attempt another immature trick. If a large amount of people get into an elevator with you, push the buttons for all of the floors, then get out at the first stop.
All of these ideas might sound very childish, but I only do them to the rude people in my building. The day will probably come when some stupid college kid will do the same to me. And when it does, I will push all of the buttons and get off at the next floor!
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