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Crust by Brent K.
Have you ever had a perfectly good meal ruined by a piece of crust?
Crust takes advantage of the best of us. That glass of milk could find itself going down the drain, or those French fries will be eaten without ketchup. Bottles will be broken, and hearts shall be crushed. Crust sneaks up on you and attacks you when you are not ready for it. It usually appears in two forms: milk crust and ketchup crust.
Milk crust lurks in an unsuspecting place, preparing to pounce on an innocent victim. It uses paranormal mindwaves to put ideas in your head. The thought "Got Milk?" races through your mind, so you make your way to the refrigerator. A plastic milk jug stares at you, screaming, "I'll give you healthy bones!" You grab the milk jug by its plastic handle and twist off the cap. You begin pouring milk into a glass when disaster strikes; something falls in your milk.
It appears to be a white flake floating in your glass. What is it? Will it harm you if you drink it?
In an attempt to get it out, your finger becomes saturated in milk as the flake just swims away. You begin violently moving your finger around the glass, trying to catch the flake, but you can't, it's just too fast for you. Finally, you ask yourself, "Should I dump the entire glass of milk down the drain to avoid drinking the dreaded flake, or should I send it on a journey to my stomach?"
No one knows the right answer to this question. It ranks up there with the debate about swallowing bubble gum. The flake is actually dried-up milk crust that breeds around the cap of a plastic milk carton.
If you like dried-up milk, then good luck, but if you are just tired of milk crust, you may want to try the old cardboard milk containers, or even those plastic milk bags we all used to enjoy in grammar school.
The dreaded condiment crust can ruin a terrific evening. There you are, sitting at a table in your favorite restaurant having the time of your life when you suddenly lose your appetite.
Grabbing a bottle of ketchup, you notice the dreaded ketchup crust. Just like its cousin the milk crust, ketchup crust also likes to lurk beneath the cap of a container. The bottle's top rim is possessed by the crust.
As you twist off the cap, you catch a glimpse of saucy film in the process of turning into crust. It gets all over your hands, causing you to waste a napkin in an attempt to get rid of it.
With the cap completely off, the entire crust colony comes into view. Energetic ketchup trying to escape the bottle falls prisoner to the colony, morphing into a long strand of crust that stretches down the side of the bottle. This ghastly sight ruins the appetites of many. Those crispy fries and that juicy burger certainly can do without the crust-infected ketchup sitting before you.
The image haunts your mind, making you vow to never use bottled ketchup again. It makes you reconsider your view on those tiny fast food packets; they may be aggravating, but at least they do not contain a crusty cap.
Milk and ketchup crusts devastate everyone. They silently lurk under a cap, waiting for the perfect time to strike. There is no warning system against this terrifying phenomenon. Mankind must work together to defeat this evil enemy.
Close your caps, and close them tight.
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