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Cool Talk by Brent K.
Conversation is something unique to the human species. Scientists can
argue that barking and butt sniffing are forms of communication, but I do
not care, and neither do you.
If people did not speak, then life as we know it would completely change.
We would have to bring back silent movies, produce silent television, and
even make silent radio.
Although the ability to speak is great, it has not been perfected. No one wants anyone
else to think they are dumb, or not down with the coolest lingo.
People also look dumb when they try to use the newest hip word. Some �cool� words
actually sound pretty stupid. The word �phat,� for instance, is just the newest way to
say, �cool� or �awesome.� Everyone try it on for size, �Dude, those new benches in
front of the library are phat!�
This brings about the stupidest, most ridiculous word known to mankind: dude. Society
has drilled it into people�s heads, forcing them to constantly say it.
I say �dude� about a thousand times a day. I subconsciously add it into every sentence
I say, like, �Dude, what�s up,� or �Oh, dude, that dude over there is drinking bottled
water, dude.� I wish I could rid myself of this terrible curse, but it is much too hard.
�Fillers� are also an unnecessary part of conversation. A �filler� is used when there is a
big pause, and someone says, � � anyway �� Just let the silence continue until you
have something decent to say.
A �filler� can also be used after a joke or story. When someone tells a group of people
something that he thought was very interesting or funny, but his audience gives him
blank stares, he ends with a �filler.� He will say, �� and that�s what happened �� It is a
pointless phrase the storyteller uses to try and redeem himself.
There is a better solution out there. If no one has a response to your story, just stare
down, and yell, �Ass!� Your audience will be enthralled by this. They will laugh out loud
and wonder why you said that. By now, they have forgotten about your lame story,
and only think about how funny you are for saying, �Ass.�
Are you one of those people who says, �like� in every sentence? Saying �like� is a
hundred times worse than saying, �dude.� I bet 90 percent of the people out there do
not even realize they constantly say this word. If you have friends who must use �like�
over and over when they talk, there is something you can do about it. Whenever they
talk to you, just stare straight into their eyes. Then, make your eyes open as wide as
you can get them. Let them return to normal, then start doing it faster and more
sporadically. Your friends will immediately realize what they are doing wrong, and they
will feel dumb for sounding like a Valley girl.
Being able to speak is a great ability that we need to appreciate. Use that ability, and
express your beliefs. Ass!
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