The Agitated Males Homepage

This is the Agitated Males Homepage. We are neither agitated, nor are we male (for the most part). Ponder that, if you will.

In fact, the name The Agitated Males is a response to The Violent Femmes who are neither violent nor feminine, but they are actually in fact agitated males. So there you have it.

The Agitated Males consist of Todd Pantalones (the silent band member)--a.k.a. Jen-a-len-a-ding-dong, Moh, Lunchbox, Bubbles, Princess Twist, Kelly Frolich, Pizza Ricky's, and Little Sis--and Miguel Pants (on guitar)--a.k.a. Sweet Kassy M'lassie, Bro, The Tubby Bitch, Blossom, Big Sis, Aster Coffman, Katherine Woodward, and Slimfast Ardmore--who also double as the Mico Portables, PIs. When he's not being a saucy bastard, Dinky Weaver plays guitar, piano, hand flute, Pringles can full of dry pasta (makeshift maraca), and quatar. We also have honorary members Catt Coady (Erin, Kit-Kat, Little Coady, Mom, Elizabeth Harvey), and Anna Zamarron (Anna Banana, Victoria Santa Fe). And of course, the ultimate agitated male is our puppy, Richard Wesley Mann-Gavula, so named after the boys we love.

Below, you will find the titles of all the tracks on our upcoming debut CD, The Agitated Males' Greatest Hits: We have the balls to make you buy two CDs. The tracks for which we have lyrics are linked to separate pages where you can read and enjoy. So get to it!

Disc Two

1. Cheer, Motherfucker, Cheer
2. It's Christmas in June in Matt's Pants
     (a holiday favorite!)
3. Warning: Penis in Motion
4. It's What You Do Before the Lovin'
5. I Got a Promotion, Damn You
6. Big Red Looks Good in You
7. Very Jimi Hendrix with Another Man
8. Give Me Danger, Little Susie
9. You Have to Have Firm Bowels to be Sex
     on Legs
10. The Bird of Irony Just Crapped on my
       Head
11. Another Good Ass-fucking, That's What
       I'm After
12. Isn't That Icecream Backwards?
13. Another Flashback to the Rooftop
       Ass-fucking
14. Craig Kilborn is my Perfect Screw Partner
15. Who Will Be Immortalized Once this
       CD Comes Out?
16. Me Talking as Ben Stein Would Love to
       Have Sex with Charlie Sheen's Skull

Disc One

1. Infidelity!
2. Tartuffe
3. Where Have All the Catholics Gone?
4. Damn You, White Females (for Kysha)
5. Rage Against the Rage Against the Machine
6. I Could Write Better Songs Than This
7. Verbal Contract, Matt
8. The Scourge of Oklahoma City
9. Destiny, Thy Name is Wes
10. Bigamy: It's Your Friend and Mine
11. Penis Statue, How I Miss It
12. He Is My Dream Date
13. Not Gonna Yank Yours (It Doesn't Even
Work)
14. Give Me Inspiration, Dammit
15. Topanga, Come Out of the Closet; Eric's
Drunk
16. Enchirito (a cover of the Taco Bell classic)
17. The Discreet Charm of the Brassiere

New News!

Keep looking for The Road Trip of Dreams, featuring the Agitated Males incognito as The Rhinestone Pirates, coming to a theater near you--I'm just guessing here--sometime in 2005. Unless we decide to go Blairwitch on you and film it ourselves with a camcorder, in which case, it will not be coming to a theater near you, but will be available for viewing at Miguel's apartment for a nominal fee very soon.

We're still not entirely certain about ol' Dinky Weaver. He has stated that we are likely to get gigs in motel bars for the cryptic reason, "They usually have pianos there." He has also stated that the hand flute is his primary instrument. Make of that what you will, but it sounded like a personal problem to me.

I came upon the genius idea today of taking guitar lessons. What do you think about that? I'm not sure whether the mediocrity of the music is part of our charm, or if it is something we need to work on. I'm leaning towards the latter, but my natural laziness makes me think the former might work as well...