Sweetazzhoney: Thanks for reading!

Legolas: (Sapphire-gurl) You have willingly complied in my conspiratorial plan to, with the help of other authors, destroy the vast majority of useful human braincells.

Black Sheep Alone: Aw, thank you for encouraging me!

ESM: The Last Straw. Black Sheep Dead in near future.
Elladan: (to Elrohir) I knew this would claim her sanity in the end.

bri-hotie (ooh lookie, I spelt your name right!): It's alright...as long as you review at least every two chapters to let me know that you're still reading!
Shimmering Omens: Right!

Elladan: Left!
Elrohir: Wrong!

Soccer-Bitch: Thanks for reviewing!

Disclaimer: See chapter 2

I nervously paced around the room, trying to find the right words.

ESM: (Luneissil) Let's see, right words. In the cabinet? Nooo, uhh, under the bed? Nope. The ceiling? Nothing but spitballs. In Legolas' left shoe? Impossible!
Elrohir: Of course it's impossible. Whoever heard of right words coming from left shoes?

I looked at Legolas, who had a hopeful light in his eyes.

Elladan: Camera effects. Solely camera effects.

I suddenly felt horrible for

Legolas: Being alive. Existing.

snapping at him at dinner.

"I - Legolas..."

ESM: Non, non, non! You've got it all wrong. It's "I�Jane", and then Legolas replies "I�Tarzan".

was all I got out.

Legolas (maliciously) Good, good. The poison has not left her system. Now, DIE!

"It's alright, Luneissil," Legolas said before I could say anything else. "I know that I've been too...forward.

Legolas: Though I still want you far, far, far downriver.

And I'm sure you wouldn't want to see me for at least a week-"

Elladan: A week? How about a couple millenia?!

"No, Legolas!" I cried. "I do not want our friendship to end!" "Will you be willing to go further

Legolas: Downriver.

than the level of friendship?" Legolas asked quietly. I was left

ESM: Right.
Elrohir: Wrong.

speechless. I wasn't expecting him to ask that question.

ESM: (Luneissil) Seeing as how he was invariably speaking of various horrible tortures, and something about "Mary Sue drowned"...

When I didn't answer, he sighed and said, "I

Legolas: Knew it. A chimpanzee wants to marry me.

understand that it was, again, too forward. You need not continue our - our friendship," he got out with difficulty,

Elrohir: I think we can all imagine what that difficulty was.

"unwillingly for my sake or pity."

Elladan: That's very obvious.
ESM: (nodding) Major tongue in cheek moment.

My mouth went dry as he spoke.

Legolas: Ah good. The poison is working.
ESM: I really doubt it, Legolas.

Did he really think of my coming here for sympathy?

ESM: Oh. My. Valar. Yes! What else did you come for?
Elladan: (Luneissil) Erm, to get murdered I think.

"Legolas!" I sighed softly, walking closer to him.

Legolas: (shrieking) Aaa! Stay away!

I reached out for one of his hands and squeezed it comfortingly.

Legolas: Gah. If only I could twist it just so...

"I came here to tell you...to tell you that I'll give you a chance," I whispered. His head shot up,

Elladan: (Legolas) Really? Quick! To the river before she changes her mind!

hope filling his eyes.

ESM: They were so filled he couldn't see anymore.

"But you must woo me," I added. "We will remain friends, I assure you," I told Legolas. He seemed happy with my solution.

Elrohir: Your imagination, honey.

"Alright,"

ESM: All left.
Elrohir: All wrong.

he said. "But I must warn you, aier, to be prepared when I come and

Legolas: Drag you somewhere...wet.

woo you away from your other suitors,

Legolas: and straight to the riv�
ESM: We GET the POINT, Thranduillion! ENOUGH!
Elrohir: I don't think he can stop. He grabs onto an idea and won't let go.
ESM: (Legolas, pointedly) We must move on. We cannot linger.

" Legolas boasted."Be prepared?" I asked mockingly. "I'm so frightened, please, someone, save me from Thranduillion's clutching hands,"

ESM: If she only knew just how tight those hands wanted to clutch...

I said dramatically. I felt so giddy. I actually felt normal,

(The four MSTers squint at the text thoughtfully.)
ESM: (sighing) I knew she was on drugs.

now that Legolas and I were on good terms. We both laughed, relieved that we finally understood each other.

Legolas: No comment.

"I must go!" I gasped, looking at the sun.

ESM: Doesn't she know better than to look at the sun?
Legolas: She's a Mary Sue, idiot.
ESM: Hey!

"I promised Arwen I'd meet her in the gardens around this time!" I said regretfully to Legolas. "It's fine," he said, his eyes twinkling.

Elladan: (Luneissil) Just like that blue river he's always talking about drowning Mary Sues in. Who is a Mary Sue anyway? I'm getting kind of jealous here.

"I'm just glad we are on good terms, melamin," he whispered.

Legolas: I said vitamin.
ESM: Yeah. Right.
Elladan: Wrong.
Elrohir: Left.

I looked up at him in confusion.

Legolas: As usual.

I knew what that word meant, I honestly did! It simply slipped out of my head.

ESM: (Luneissil) Because my head was so empty the word's meaning got lonely, packed up and left.
Elrohir: Right.
Elladan: Wrong.

I silently groaned in frustration.

ESM: (glaring at the twins) And I second the motion!

Why couldn't I remember my elvish when I needed it the most???

Elladan: (Luneissil) For instance, what is the Elvish phrase for "kill me now"?

"Namaarie," I whispered, walking out of the door.
Legolas' POV
I called her

Legolas: Vitamin.

'melamin'. My love. Ah, stupid, stupid lovesick fool! But nevertheless, Luneissil ignored it

Legolas: (She just looked confused, as usual.)

and said goodbye. I watched her go with a light feeling in my heart.

ESM: Like a balloon.

'We shall see who succeeds, Haldir of Lorien,' I thought.
Arwen's POV
I looked up at the sun, growing even more impatient. Where was she???

ESM: Why so many question marks???

"Sorry I'm late, Arwen!" yelped an all too familiar voice. "Where have you been?" I tried to ask Luneissil angrily, but failed when I saw her face shining,

Elrohir: Must'ave been the soap.

wearing an extremely toothy smile.

Elladan: Like a shark?
ESM: (yawn) Which can be found at a grocery store near you.

I thought her face would split in half if she wouldn't stop smiling.

Legolas: (stretching) Hey, no objections here.
ESM: At least she'll die happy.

"It was wonderful!" gushed Luneissil, absentmindedly playing with a strand of her hair.

Legolas: Which was dripping wet. I thought I'd found a heavy-enough anchor...

"We made up!" she gave a relieved sigh.

ESM: It's times like these I wish I didn't know so much.
Legolas: Eww.

"So did you kiss?" I asked eagerly.

Elladan: (scornfully) Arwen is such a girl!
ESM: Hey!

"Kiss?" Luneissil scoffed. "No! Honestly, Arwen, would you go snogging every single one of your friends if you see them?"

Elrohir: We don't want to know the answer to that.

"You're still friends???" I asked incredulously. Luneissil gave me a surprised look.

ESM: (thoughtfully) Probably could get them on ebay...there's a lot of stuff on ebay...

"But of course!" she exclaimed. "But I gave him a chance to woo me. Legolas seemed happy enough with that."

Legolas: Yeah. Happy.

"No, fool!" I slapped my forehead.

ESM: (Luneissil, shrieking) What have you done? That was my pet spider you just squamashed!
Elladan: (uncertainly) Squamashed?
ESM: (nods) Isn't it pretty?
Elladan: Er, if you say so...

"Haldir of Lorien has asked Ada for permission to court you! Unless you announce your love for Legolas-"
"But I don't love Legolas-"

ESM: (Arwen) Bwahahaha. Yes you do. Mary Sues can't fool me!

"-Haldir Raincloud will steal you away

Elladan: Haldir Raincloud? What did Rainclouds ever do to be so insulted?

from your true

Legolas: MURDERER!!!!!

soul mate!" I cried over Luneissil's protests.

ESM: Never thought she had a soul to mate.

There was silence before Luneissil asked me quietly, "And how would you know if Legolas is my

Legolas: MURDERER!!!!!

soul mate?"
"I can see it in his eyes, Lu!" I said, desperately trying to make her see what was true.

ESM: Mary Sues are remarkably dense by definition. Everything they know is really just instinctual.

My POV
Arwen truly amazed me. She was no longer my stupid older sister, but a

ESM: Secret Service agent.
Elladan: Black goat.
Elrohir: Ketchup guzzler.

wise, caring sister. I ignored the fact that she had called me 'Lu',

ESM: Luckily she spells it differently from...something else.

and hugged her. "I'm sorry, Arwen. I need to see it for myself," I whispered.

Elladan: Hey, we still have a chance, Legolas.

"I understand, Luneissil. And I know I couldn't rush you, but please heed my advice, soon," Arwen urged me. "I shall," I whispered, bowing my head. We both hugged before leaving separate ways. But I was a bit suspicious of where she got so much wisdom,

ESM: Wisdom? I see no wisdom. Just a status report.

so I followed her.

Elladan: Hey, didn't they just go seperate ways?

I heard her whisper,
"Aragorn?"
"I am here, my love. Did it work?" Aragorn asked, stepping out of a

Legolas: Bush.

bush.

Legolas: Hey! Whadaya know! I'm psychic! (ESM rolls her eyes)

"Yes and no, my love,"

ESM: (Arwen) I'm schizophrenic.

Arwen replied, making me

Elrohir: Drop dead.

roll my eyes.

(Legolas points at ESM and chuckles something about being like a Mary Sue)

"Luneissil has not

ESM: (Arwen) Croaked. Nor has she followed me. Nor does she know we are playing Emma and will get ourselves hurt.

welcomed Legolas with open arms, but she has given him a chance to woo her..."

Elrohir: What about a chance to "wow" her? Don't hit me, Greenleaf. I might steal ESM's blender.

Arwen trailed off with a dazed look on her face. I couldn't believe it!

ESM: (Luneissil) She was doing drugs too! All this time. I never had been able to figure out why she acted so dazed sometimes...

My sister and her boyfriend were playing matchmaker! I quietly left their hiding spot,

ESM: Odd. She was in their hiding spot?
Elladan: Maybe just nearby.

ran to my room, shut myself in and shrieked as high pitched and as loud as a

Legolas: Mary Sue.
Elrohir: Spider.
Elladan: Washing machine.
ESM: Washing machine???

Nazgul. I can do this alone! I don't need anyone's help...

ESM: (Luneissil, shrieking) I CAN get myself murdered by desperate elf princelings without anybody else's help!
Legolas: You betchya.

The next morning...

Legolas: Was the funeral. Nobody attended.

When breakfast ended, Haldir approached me.

Legolas: Oh goodie. Take her please. Don't forget the bandages.
ESM: Bandages?
Elladan: (cheerfully) For strang�
ESM: Oh Eru. Shut UP!

"Milady, will you walk with me?" he asked smoothly. I saw Legolas' head snap

Elrohir: (clicking his tongue) That's gotta hurt.

my way, but I mouthed a defiant 'no' to him. 'Don't do anything stupid,'

ESM: hmp. Sounds like Jack Sparrow.
Voice in the background: Captain! Captain Jack Sparrow!
ESM: (goes rigid) Uhh, I mean CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow, of course.
Elladan: Who was that?
ESM: Someone with very low self-esteem. (thinks) Or maybe not. I don't know. Maybe he just has perpetual identity crisis. Anyway.

I pleaded him silently. Legolas went rigid, with what I thought was shock.

ESM: Naa. Rigor mortis. The last straw that broke the Elf's heart.

'You spoke in my mind...' he told me telepathically.

ESM: Whoa. Legolas, are you telepathic?
Legolas: Not that I know of.
ESM: So technically, she read your mind, you didn't tell her.
Legolas: ......

I started to sway,

Capt. Jack Sparrow: So that's where all the rum went.
ESM: Merry, please escort the Captain OUT of the BUILDING. Thank you.

probably surprised at my new ability.

ESM: Yeah. You'd think the kid was a relative of Galadriel or something.

Hm...I probably got it from my dear Grandmother.

ESM: Oh.

Wait 'til Arwen hears about this...she's gonna have a hay day. 'I'll keep in touch...' I told Legolas.

(Legolas shudders)

"Yes, Master Warden," I replied to a confused Haldir. It was frightening, yes, but I decided to test my new ability on somebody else, like...

ESM: Yay, I love these! (Luneissil) White rabbits.
Elladan: Society for Prevention of Animal Cruelty will pick her up shortly.
Legolas: (Luneissil) Fatherer?
Elrohir: (Luneissil) Galadriel!
Elladan: (Luneissil) The Dark Lord. He was my boyfriend last season, he deserves to be frightened for making me dump him in favor of Legolas...

Haldir.

Unison: Aw shucks.
Legolas: (in disgust) Waste it on a peasant, like a dumb Mary Sue...

I closed my eyes

Elladan: (Luneissil) As I felt the life seep out of my body...

and spoke in his mind, 'Can you hear me, Haldir of Lorien?'

ESM: (Luneissil) Good! Can you hear me now? Good! Can you hear me now? Good! Can you hear me n�
Elrohir: Shut up.
ESM: How dare you!

I opened my eyes and saw

Elrohir: Fire and brimstone.

him, looking terrified.

Legolas: Just dawned on him he'd asked a Sue out for a walk. Dumb blonde.
ESM: .....

"How did you do that?" Haldir demanded.

Elladan: (Luneissil) Observe! The magic penny in my hand. Now, I wave my hand around my fist like this, and POOF! I can talk....to your head? I don't know.

'Yes...I can see your soul, Haldir. It is fading...you need to be loved...' I paused, 'You are already in love...but you know deep in your heart she does not love you back, but she is in love with someone else...'

Elrohir: (Luneissil) ...but you know she really loves you, but not really...
ESM: (Luneissil)...but she like talking to trees, but doesn't love you anyway...
Legolas:...but really, don't you think that other guy should be king, but except for you loving somebody who doesn't love you...
Elladan: I'm dizzy.

I sent my thoughts to him sadly, knowing he was thinking about me.

Legolas: The conceit.

'And I intend to fight for her love, milady,' I heard Haldir's strong voice in my head. 'Be careful, for things might not turn out the way you want them to be...' I advised him.

Legolas: Yeah. She'll be dead.

"Thank you for the walk, Haldir of Lorien. Perhaps I will see you again, and heed my advice..." I trailed off mysteriously, walking away.

Legolas: (shaking his head) Walk too short.
ESM: (surprised) They actually went for a walk? I didn't even know they'd left!

When I got back, Legolas stood and hugged me.

Legolas: I doubt it.

"What happened?" he asked.

Elladan: Um, what kind of what happened? Would you like the itinerary of all our bodily movements, all our speech or lack thereof, highlights of the recent cricket match...?

I gently pulled myself away from his hug.

ESM: (Luneissil) The fact was, he was strangling me.

Nothing you should be afraid of, Thranduillion,' I answered. Legolas nodded and kissed my cheek. I was surprised by that little action, but quickly hid it with a smile. I could almost feel Arwen's smirk on my back and Aragorn's gleefulness.

Elladan: (to Legolas) They never really liked you.
Legolas: I can tell!
ESM: You guys are taking this a bit too seriously. It's just a fic. Not history. Got it?

A/N: How did I do? Well, tell me by reviewing! And please remember: NO FLAMES OR ELSE THEY'LL BE THROWN AT LEGOLAS...I know, I'm so evil...MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! Ahem, review, people!