A/N: Yes!!! I love you, people!

Elladan: How flattering!

Not literally, you pervs...

ESM: ARE we PERVS or PEOPLE? Incidentally, what's a SUICIDE BONE?

if any of you are, at least, which I'm sure you're not!

ESM: That is called puting one's foot in one's mouth.

Well, at least I hope not...looks around suspiciously

Elladan: I think I speak for everybody when I say, "I'm confused!"
ESM: And insulted.

YugiYamiKim: Thanks for reviewing!
Rogue Mystique: Aaaah! Don't die! Lol, just kidding...thanks for reviewing!

ESM: A-hah! Sapphiregurl11 has herself corroborated my suspicions of her evil plot to KILL THE WHOLE WORLD"S BRAINCELLS!
Elrohir: Here, ESM. Have some chips and dip. (To Legolas and Elladan) Merry says it helps her when she gets...dotty.
(Legolas and Elladan eye the chips suspiciously, then shrug and continue reading while ESM cheerily munches.)

Hye em yes:

Legolas: Erm, nice nickname?

Oh don't you worry! Everything will turn out alright! I think...

Elrohir: (reverently) Me, too. Are you feeling better, ESM?
(ESM sits back and reads complacently.)

Brilover: Hm, well about the lovemaking scene...I'm not so sure about that (since this story is only rated PG-13 as you can see) but thanks for the suggestion/constructive criticism (I love constructive criticism!) and thank you very much for reviewing!

ESM: Okay. I really don't think we want to know anymore.

Obliviouswanderingwarrioress:

ESM: ooo, nice nick! Must be a pain to login to , though.

Thanks for reviewing! I really appreciate it...yeah...thanks...enjoy the next chapter!

Elladan: She sounds so enthusiastic.

Crecy: You love it? ::Crecy nods:: ::sapphiregurl11 squeals:: Yes! I've got another one hooked � er, I mean, thanks for reviewing! 'Tis greatly appreciated, oh royal reviewer ::bows down and makes self humble::

ESM: Yeah right.

Jackoholic: Of course! Anyone who reviews my story is a good li'l girl (or boy...)... Thanks for the encouragement; it truly helps...

Legolas: Yes, it advances the Braincellicide Cause, a favorite on FF. net.
ESM: Braincellicide?

Adorlyne: I really don't know what to say except thank you...sniff that was one of the best reviews I have ever received! Thank you!
On with the show!

(Collective sigh)

Disclaimer: I own the Blue Moon
Reviewers: ???

MSTers: ????

Sapphiregurl11: ::Shrugs:: What? I do!
Random but Smart Reviewer: Er, just for your information, Luneissil (according to one of those random websites sapphiregurl11 found...) translates to 'Blue Moon' in Elvish...

Legolas & Twins: Umm, actually--

Sapphiregurl11: My point exactly! So there! ::Sticks tongue out::
Random but Smart Reviewer: And I'd also like to add that �

Elladan: That there's only one 's' in Blue Moon...Luneisil.

Other Random Reviewers: To Random but Smart Reviewer: Shut up, geek!

Elladan: (hurt) I'm not a geek! That's my native language!

Sapphiregurl11: No need to be nasty...now on with it before I staple all your lips together!

ESM: I hope that was an attempt at irony?

No POV a.k.a. Reader's POV

ESM: You could just say Third Person POV. Did you ever take grammar? Literature? Writing?
Legolas: Because technically the readers don't have a point of view. They don't know what's going on until the narrator tells them.

"Oh, AAAAAAAAArweeeeeennnnnnnn!!!!!" Arwen recoiled at the sound of her sister's screechy voice.
"Aragorn, melamin, I have to go!" Arwen gave a bewildered Aragorn a hurried peck on his cheek

ESM: Why, did she grow a beak?

and dashed away.

Elladan: (Arwen) Must go alert fellow conspirators. You stall her as long as possible.

Luneissil appeared just around the corner, her face looking too sweet...

ESM: Damn those ellipses.
Elladan: (unhopefully) Have a few more chips, ESM?

and too innocent to be actually above suspicion.

Elrohir: How does below suspicion sound?

Aragorn shuddered. She must be angry about something...or at someone...

ESM: No way! Really?

"Hi, Estel! Have you seen my annoying sister, Arwen?" Luneissil questioned utterly inoffensively.

ESM: Yes, calling somebody's sweetheart 'annoying' is utterly inoffensive.

At least, that's what it sounded like...

ESM: Too many dots.

Aragorn shook his head,

Legolas: Oh lovely. My best friend is a liar too. Rivendell just breeds liars like hamsters. I'm sure Elladan and Elrohir are much obliged to you for this idyllic and highly moral representation of their home.

smiling fondly at the absolutely normal behaviour of his youthful yet sophisticated wise friend whenever she had a bone to pick with his love.

ESM: I-uh-Did anybody get that last sentence there?
Legolas: 'Absolutely normal behavior of his youthful yet sophisticated wise friend whenever she had a bone to pick with his love.' Nope.
Elrohir: Simply a case of overstuffing a sentence with adjectives.
Elladan: (snorting) Youthful yet sophisticated wise friend. I like that. It's so ironic.

'I know you're lying to me, Estel...'

ESM: MORE dots?!

Aragorn heard a controlling yet recognizable voice state dully in his head.

ESM: See? It says the voice stated dully. Not it trailed off.

Aragorn looked intently at Luneissil with a curious expression on his face.

ESM: Suppose he got it from E-Bay.

Luneissil rolled her eyes.

Elrohir: Not with her fingers, I hope.

'Come on...you can't lie to me! You know that, don't you? Yes, I thought so...'
'Luneissil?'
'Tell. Me. Now.'
Aragorn kept his mouth shut, or rather, his mind... Luneissil sighed in a frustrated manner, her cheeks blushing.

Elladan: Not flushing? I think when you're angry you flush.

Uh oh...that usually happened when she got angry...very angry...

ESM: Dots.

"Fine!" Luneissil snapped, losing her patience.

Elrohir: (Luneissil) Oh, no! I've lost my patience will somebody help me find it?

"Be that way!"

Legolas: (Aragorn) Aww, thanks!

Her blush disappeared when she stared piercingly at him.

Elladan: Just like that, eh? So she's not very angry anymore?

Aragorn suddenly felt his mind exposed...to someone else, it seemed.

ESM: (groaning) Why the gratuitous ellipses? It hurts!

He heard Luneissil's victorious laugh in his head.

ESM: Now see here! Laughs are exclusively vocal performances!

He suddenly thought about his and Arwen's lovemaking for no reason at all.

ESM: Eww.

Aragorn blushed when he figured out Luneissil had seen that piece of thought

Elladan: Piece of thought?

in his head. Luneissil coughed, blushing deeply.

ESM: Well, I'm glad this thirteen year-old still knows how to blush out of embarrassment!

"Alright...that wasn't so hard, now was it, Estel?"
"N'uma, Luneissil," Aragorn answered in a friendly way, trying to lighten up the situation. He still felt a bit self-conscious about what Luneissil had seen. Aragorn shrugged to himself. What was there to be embarrassed about anyway? After all, Luneissil wasn't a virgin anymore, right?

Elrohir: Left.
Elladan: Wrong.

Right???

Elrohir: Left.
Elladan: Wrong.

'Think again, Estel...'

Legolas: Wow. Who would've thought?
ESM: Wonder how long it'll last.
Legolas: Not to the end of this story, I'm sure. Hopefully they can wait until the wedding night, though.
ES : (thoughtfully) Of course, Luneissil IS the perfect liar.

Aragorn blushed deeply once more as Luneissil laughed out loud. She went in the direction of where Arwen had disappeared moments ago.

Elladan: (sighing) Moments? It feels like days!

He sighed and lovingly fingered the Evenstar jewel his beloved had given him and smiled contentedly. Arwen and he were going to be married soon

Elrohir: I wonder what era this fanfic is supposed to set in?

and there was nothing ahead of them but pure bliss and love.

ESM: What about kids?

Luneissil's POV
"Arwen! I know you want to help me but you're not!"

Legolas: (Luneissil) And I'm so eloquent in my protests!

My sister sighed and shut her eyes gently,

ESM: Shut 'em gently, eh? Umm, not sure what to say about that one, moving on.

hopefully, regretting her decision about telling Elladan and Elrohir about my troubles.

ESM: Regretting her decision TO TELL. Why the 'hopefully'?

Well, it certainly looked like it because she opened them and stared at my face caringly.

Elladan: Um, opening her eyes equals regret. I don't know about that.
ESM: Is caringly a word?

"I know," Arwen responded simply.

Elrohir: I don't.

"But I'm just worried for you!

Elladan: (Arwen) You might get killed by accident, denying my Murder Mary Sue Club the privilege of killing you ourselves.

I mean, don't get offended but you have never made any good decisions in your entire life!

Legolas: Don't worry, Mary Sues can't see an insult even if it's staring them straight in the eyes.

I simply hoped that I might be able to lead you in the right direction..." she faltered,

ESM: Her voice failing as she thought of the beautiful gory spectacle her club had planned.

her grey eyes looking down apologetically. I was touched.

Elrohir: Yes, like ESM is dotty.
Elladan: But ESM IS dotty.
Elrohir: (confused) Oh. I guess that isn't a good metaphor, then.

Here was my sister, who was usually whacko and crazy, but now a wise elf.

ESM: Wise? WISE? Where?
Legolas: She must have forgotten to put the wise parts in.

Huh, maybe she didn't get all that 'I'm-oh-so-wise' crap from Aragorn after all...

ESM: Huh.
Legolas: Huh.
Elladan: Huh.
Elrohir: Huh?

The silence between us was...odd.

ESM: Dots. Gratuitous.

I sighed and hugged Arwen briefly, wordlessly telling her that all was forgiven.
"Thank you for caring," I whispered.

Elladan: Aww, how sickly sweet.

I blinked.

ESM: Yes'm. You do that twenty-four thousand times a day.

Whoa...that sounded weird coming from me! I was usually the 'I-don't-give-a-rat's-tail' girl before I came here...

ESM: (Luneissil) Infinitely preferring to give dingo tails to all and sundry.

but then again, that was before.

ESM: Quite right. Before you landed in a tree out of Nowhere, back when you were doing drugs.

When we pulled away, I saw Arwen's eyes glitter mysteriously.

Elladan: I tell ya, she's got something extra special planned.

"So...how did your archery lessons go?" she asked nonchalantly, staring into my eyes.

Elrohir: Freaky.

"I'm no good at it!" I complained, stamping my foot like a spoilt child.

Legolas: Or like a Mary Sue.

"In fact, I hate it with a passion that could not be explained!!!

ESM: I can explain it. She thinks that by hating archery, people will find it impossible to label her a 'Sue. But we know that's not true.
Elrohir: Yeah, nice try, Luneissil.

Hell, if I can't handle archery, how am I going to cope with sword fighting???"

Legolas: Ummm, they are very different activities. Just thought I'd let you know.
Elladan: Betchya she doesn't know what swordfighting is anymore than she knew what archery was!

Arwen looked at me peculiarly.
"Who said that you were going to do sword fighting anyway?" she snorted. In a very un-lady like way, I should add...

ESM: Maybe you shouldn't.

"Elladan and Elrohir!"

ESM: Excuse me? You were the one that asked.

I wailed. "I swear, I �"

Legolas: (Luneissil) Need to shut up and go drown myself in the river before I make everybody go mad with my complaining and swearing!

"Oh shut up!" hissed Arwen, evidently annoyed with my irritable complaining. Yay, old Arwen's back.

Elladan: Was that joy or sarcasm?

She dragged me into the Gardens and sat me down on a stone bench.
" Um...Arwen..."
"What?"

ESM: (Luneissil) My rear end is...pretty sore...now...ow...

"What's this all about?"

ESM: (Luneissil) Cause I don't want you to go drifting of topic. This is all about ME.

Arwen pointed to the darkening sky.

Elladan: (Arwen) You see the day quickly fading. Take that as an omen. Your time in Middle-Earth is nearing its end.

"Just watch the sunset. It will make you feel better." I looked up at the setting sun, my complaints disappearing from my mind.

ESM: (Luneissil) They just up and left cuz they were really lonely cuz my mind was so empty.

I have got to admit, Arwen was right...again. All my troubles fled from my mind too,

Elrohir: Wow, the troubles fled?
ESM: Well, what with the complaints gone, it was frighteningly dark and gloomy. I would run too if I was the sole inhabitant of Luneissil's mind!

leaving me calm and perfectly content.

Elladan: I have heard that ignorance is bliss.

A/N: OK...I know that was a kind of pointless chapter...

ESM: You're telling me.

but at least I got it up!

Legolas: Ah, yes, the evil plot must be carried out at all costs.

Please review!!!

Elrohir: (Sapphiregurl11) But only say nice things!

Anonymous reviews accepted now...

Legolas: That desperate, eh?
ESM: Why'd you turn the option off? That's weird.

I've noticed that a few people have put me on their faves...I really appreciate it but

Elladan: (Sapphiregurl11) But I'm a spoiled brat and MUST have your reviews too!

please do review! I like to know what you think about my story!

ESM: You wanna know what I think? I think there are too many ellipses. And there are too many exclamation points. And you need to read more. And pay more attention at grammar classes. And there is no plot. And I also think this is the end.
Elladan: The end?
ESM: Yup. That's all she wrote.
(The Elves all burst into tears.)
ESM: Umm...are those tears of joy or sadness?
Legolas: (sniffling) Both. We're happy it's over...but...well...
ESM: Too. Many. Dots.
Legolas: (hastily) erm, Sorry!
Elladan: What he's trying to say is, we're happy it's over but it didn't end the way we wanted it to.
ESM: Well, I see no reason why you can't make up a proper ending right now.
(The Elves hold a brief conference)
Elladan: Okay, since Legolas was the target, he gets to tell the ending.
Legolas: (clears his throat and strikes a declamatory pose)

Omniscient Third Person POV.

While Luneissil stared at the sunset, Arwen surreptitiously signaled to her cohorts. Silently and without warning, two club members masked like executioners gagged the Mary Sue. Two others bound her with old ropes. At first Luneissil thought this was all just a childish prank played on her by Aragorn and the twins, designed to pay her back for being so imperative earlier in the day. This notion was fed by the fact that Lord Elrond was watching approvingly from a balcony. However, when the party of masked Elves reached the edge of the roaring river, she began to have doubts. When she saw Legolas and Haldir personally strapping large weights to her body, she became quite scared. And while her erstwhile 'suitors' and 'brothers each took an arm or leg, Arwen counted three. On the third swing they tossed her high into the air above the water. As the Sue flew through the air, she thought she saw her freakishly beautiful lady smirking devilishly. At last the Sue sank into the cold depths of the river, and Middle-Earth was freed of its presence as the last ray of sunlight disappeared behind the western mountains. The End.

(Silence)

Elladan: Well...did you like it?
ESM: (crying) It was so...so...BEAUTIFUL! Such a happy ending. (Regaining her composure) Well, that's all for this Sue, folks. Tune in next time to meet The Mary Sue without a spellcheck!
Legolas: We're doing this again? Wait a minute. I didn't sign up for�
ESM: We can talk about it over dinner. I feel like I haven't eaten in two weeks.
(The MSTers file out of the theater and are greeted by Merry with loads of Chinese food.)
ESM: YAY!!!!! FOOOOD!!!!

MSTer/N: To anyone who's had the stamina to wade, shovel and climb through this onerous piece, THANKYOU. You really are brave. Feedback is appreciated but not demanded. ::sigh:: It feels so good to have accomplished one's first MST, and to actually enjoy the final product! Oh, and in case you've forgotten, I wholeheartedly give my permission to anyone who wants to MST my MST. Have a nice day.
Essie