ESM: Hey Merry! Could you get us a couple of bags of popcorn and some bottled water?
Legolas: And chocolate!
Elladan: And lembas!
Elohir:And some beer! ESM: Beer? Lembas? What do you think this is, Middle-Earth? Absolutely NO BEER.
(While waiting for Merry, ESM pages through her ROTK indices. Legolas teaches the twins to play Uno. ESM suddenly chuckles.) ESM: Sorry, Elrohir.
Elrohir: What?
ESM: I've been spelling your name wrong all this time. Forgot that first 'r'.
Elladan: Yeah, well, you don't really say the 'r' .
Elrohir: Yes you do. El-RO-hir. Elrohir.
Elladan: Well, I never say the 'r'.
(A muffled voice and some scratching at the door alert ESM to the arrived food. She removes the bags of popcorn and chocolate drops, and bottled water from the dumbwaiter next to the door.)
ESM: Thanks! Here you go, guys. (ESM gulps half the water from her first bottle down.) Ready?
Elladan (cheerfully, face already covered in chocolate) Ready!
ESM: Rolefilm!

A/N: Thank you so much

ESM: To the academy, to my mom, and my dad, and my best friend Marty Stu, and to America, and to , and to all the trees, and my dead goldfish, and to George Washington, and to Tolkien, and to all my friends, and to my pet wombat, and to Legolas, and the Fellowship, and to my pillow and to...
Legolas: That's enough, ESM.

to those people who kindly reviewed! And yes, I know that Elrond only has one daughter.

ESM: (Luneissil) And that's me!
Elladan: (Sapphire-gurl11) And ONLY one daughter.
Elrohir: Forget his sons.
Elladan: No such luck.

I understand your pointing out of this as I have forgotten my disclaimer in the first chapter!

Elrohir: Huh?
Elladan: I have, too.
Legolas: That's because there wasn't one!
ESM: Oh. Was that what she was trying to say?
Legolas: You know, sometimes I think you are dumber than a Mary Sue.
ESM: Ouch.

So...Disclaimer: I only own Luneissil, no one else

Legolas: Then you shouldn't be doing all those horrible things to people you don't own!
Elladan: Logical enough.
ESM: ::darkly:: Mary Sue creators are not logical.

P.S. No one was being snobby when they reviewed, I just wanted you to know

Elrohir: Okay.

Chapter 2
"Luneissil...are you alright?" I shook myself out of my shock, wearing a forced smile on my face.

ESM: (Luneissil) You can by them at the corner grocery store for 99cents.

"I am fine, Ada," I replied in a monotonous voice. Then someone suddenly barged in, looking confused. My eyes widened. There was my older sister, dressed in...

Elladan: Sheepskin.
Elrohir: White sheets.
Legolas: Leaves.

an icky medieval dress, just like me.

ESM: uhhh, I don't think medieval dresses are icky. Not really trendy nowadays, but not usually icky either.

She also looked surprised to see me, but she hid it quickly

ESM: Hid what? What? What? I want to know!
Elrohir: You can't hide anything from Father.

as she addressed our 'father'.

ESM: Who art in Heaven, hallowed...
Legolas: Wha?
ESM: Be quiet. I'm praying for you.

"Ada, may I borrow my sister for a minute?"

Legolas: I promise to bring her back! Honest!

she asked quietly. The 'old' geezer

ESM: Boys, I said NO FAINTING.
::The twins get up from the floor sheepishly::

nodded his head 'yes' as my sister dragged me out of the room.

Legolas: (Luneissil, happily) To kill me.

When she faced me, we both hugged tightly. "OK, sister. What's your name in this wacky place they call

Elrohir: (Arwen) Oz

'Middle Earth'?" she asked me. "Uh, Luneissil, yours?" I said hurriedly. Hell, it would be too freaking weird if someone walked in on us

ESM: (Luneissil) Hugging.

asking our names like we were

ESM: (Luneissil) Drug addicts.

total strangers. "Arwen!" she replied. "Holy..." I whispered. "What?" Arwen asked impatiently.

ESM: Yes, what profanity were you about to defile our eyes and ears with?

I grabbed her shoulders and shook her furiously. "Don't you get it? We're in Tolkien's trilogy, 'The Lord of the Rings'!"

Legolas: Who's she shouting at? It took her long enough to figure it out herself!
ESM: Uhhh, I don't remember reading this part in LOTR...actually...

I yelled at my incredibly dumb sister, who actually read the books before me, but probably skipped every ten pages.

ESM: Jerk. I read every page many times.
Elladan: (impatiently) What's all this about?
Legolas: Mary Sue. What else?

And we've also watched the movies, but I distinctly remember her falling asleep before the fun even started.

ESM: Really? Would have had to fall asleep before she even thought about watching it.

"OK, Luneissil," Arwen tested my name, "We've gotta chill!

Legolas: (Arwen) It's really hot in here!

If we start acting like berserk weirdoes, which I note we haven't yet,

All: ......?
ESM: ::hopefully:: Maybe she was just being...sarcastic?

they're probably gonna kick us out or send us to a mental clinic-" "They don't have mental clinics here, dumbass!" I sighed,

Elrohir: ::cough:: Barad-dur. ::cough::

slapping my forehead.

ESM: (Luneissil) That really hurt.

Oh..." I resisted the temptation to slap my sister on the back of the head.

Legolas: Well, they are sisters, kill them both and be done!

Two servants

Elladan: We didn't really have servants, not like you would think of servants...
ESM: Slaves?
Elladan: Nooo, not slaves either.
Elrohir: Volunteers.
Elladan: Yeah. Community service.
ESM: Hmm. I don't know about that.

bustled past us, ushering us to separate hallways.

Elrohir: But they bustled past...

I was pushed into a large bedroom, which I guessed was probably mine,

ESM: ::monotone:: Wow. See the genius at work.

and then she told me to bathe

Legolas: (servant) 'Cause you smell like a kangaroo!

and then she'll help me dress.

ESM: Aw, poor little elf-princess can't dress herself.

I didn't dare ask what the special occasion was, because I already knew the answer.

ESM: ::cheerily:: Bedtime for little princess!
Legolas: ::disappointed:: I thought it was her dawn appointment with the gallows.

The ball.

Legolas: It had bounced away under the bed.
ESM: (Luneissil) But I'm too scared to get it from under the bed!

Well, I'm not going. I personally do not care what they say, cuz they are not me and they cannot order me around like a show dog.

ESM: Fetch, Princess!

So here's the plan...

Elladan: (Luneissil) Jump out the window and try to break my neck. If that doesn't work,
Legolas: Run to the river and try to drown myself.

I'll attend that dumb ball for a few minutes just to make 'daddy' happy,

Elrohir: Didn't take long for her to change her mind!

then I'll escape to the gardens and stay there with Arwen who'll obviously follow me like a faithful puppy and we'll chat.

ESM: (Luneissil) Luney: Yo, what up dawg? (Arwen) Ar&Ar:Nuthin, just chillin' wit a cool hot dude. & U? (Luneissil) Luney: cooking up some escape!
Legolas: ESM, don't. We know.
ESM: Uhm. You can just say it was lame.
Elves: It was lame.

I am such a genius, aren't I?

ESM: I dare not comment in the presence of such staggering intellect.
Elves: ::snicker::

There was a loud rapping on the door and a voice telling me to hurry up. Stupid maid.

Elladan: Go stupid maid! Woohoo!
Elrohir: Rivendell has no maids. Rivendell NEEDS no maids.
Elladan: ::chuckles:: It needs this one.

I reluctantly climbed out

ESM: I thought the voice said to hurry up, not hurry out.

of the luxurious tub and wrapped a fluffy towel round my body and stepped out of the bathroom.

ESM: ::coughing uncomfortably:: Um, maybe you guys should faint just about now, seeing as how this IS your first MST and all...you aren't used to it yet...I'll, er, they'll go easy on you this time...
Elves: ::not waiting for her to finish:: Glad to oblige!

I could have screamed when I saw what was in my room.

ESM: Spiders.

There were over ten

ESM: Spiders.

maids, ahem, servants,

ESM: Uh, you trying to say there were guys there too?

and...and dresses! Dresses of all colours, styles and...

ESM: spiders.

well, you know what I mean.

ESM: Yup Yup! Spiders. They dried my up

ESM: Spi�uh what? your up? That is no fair. I don't even have down! Although birds have down...

and stuffed me into a slutty dress, which it was to my opinion.

ESM: Hmm. Didn't know the Rivendelians were into that style. ::turns to the prostrate Elves:: Ellad�um. Nevermind.

It was dark blue and made of layers of silk. It showed a daring amount of cleavage (which I truly hated)

ESM: Truly. On a thirteen year-old...nevermind.

and it also showed off my bare shoulders.

ESM: Horrible when you're about to go dance.

Then they pulled and tugged at my straight hair, making it into a soft mass of curls.

ESM: Funny. When I pull and tug at my hair, it either comes out or goes straight. Ah well. Okay, guys! Elladan! Elrohir! Legolas! You can get up now!
Elves: ::remain motionless on the floor::
ESM: ::impatiently:: Get UP. NOW. Or I'll, er, THEY'LL make you do this all over again.
Elves: ::quickly scramble back into their seats.::

After that, I couldn't recognize myself anymore. I looked truly beautiful,

ESM: No, you looked slutty. There's a difference.

that was the problem.

ESM: Precisely. A dilemma. Loads of guys are gonna kneel down on one knee to ask for my hand in marriage,
Legolas: Oh, the conceit!

to which I'll unfortunately say no to.

Elladan: Heh. I'd say it was fortunate for the guy.
ESM: Especially if she normally talks with such bad grammar.

My answer will break their hearts.

Legolas: (broken-hearted suitor) Oh! my heart! Tis broken! Now we must die together! DIE Mary Sue!
ESM: You know, sometimes I think you are as dumb as the Mary Sues make you out to be.
Legolas: ::stares at ESM dumbly:: Elladan: ::chuckling:: Take your own medicine, Prince.

I sighed and opened my door, to find my earlier escort standing outside. He was truly breathtaking.

Legolas: (Luneissil) I asphyxiated promptly.

His blond hair was neatly brushed back, making his face look even more

Elrohir: Long, tanned, and sour. angelic. I finally recognized who it was.
ESM: Garth Brooks!

It was Legolas Greenleaf.

Elladan: Might have known.
ESM: You know, I know Tolkien said Legolas Greenleaf occasionally, but it really is redundant.

I smiled courteously and hooked my arm into his.

Elrohir: That's GOTTA hurt. (The others nod)

I noticed a faint blush on his face when I touched his arm, but quickly dismissed it as the light playing tricks on my mind.

Legolas: She's wrong about the light.
Elladan: You did blush?
Legolas: NO. She was hallucinating.
ESM: Oh. I would have thought you were blushing because there was a slutty elf on your arm. (ESM smiles angelicly at Legolas.)
Elrohir: He's blushing now! I swallowed down the lump that was forming in my throat.
Elladan: (Luneissil) I wanted to have full faculties when I started my screaming-kicking-snivelling temper tantrum. We were entering the ballroom.
ESM: Wonder what happened to all that you-aren't-gonna-make-me-go-to-the-ball attitude.
Elladan: looks around Is that the end?
ESM: Of the chapter, yes. Rather abrupt.
Legolas: I'm out of chocolate.
(Elladan and Elrohir look at the ceiling innocently)
ESM: Oh, go ask Merry for some more chocolate. Gees. And they think only WOMEN have a thing for chocolate.