Part V...In which ESM -ElderSisofMerry- demonstrates her violent protectiveness of her little brother.
Shimmering Omens: Thanks for encouraging me!
Legolas: Remind me to take care of Shimmering Omens.
Elrohir: Somehow I don't think Shimmering Omens would want to be taken car of by you in your present mood.
Legolas: (laughs evilly) That's my point!
SchaffyTaffy15: Thanks for reviewing!
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Disclaimer: See chapter 2
ESM: No thank you.
I sighed as I walked pointlessly around Rivendell for the fifth time. I thought Imaldris was supposed to be interesting!
Legolas: I've never been to Imaldris. Have you Elladan? (Elladan shrugs)
Guess I was wrong...
ESM: Well she knew how to spell Elrohir, and I know how to spell Imladris, so are we even?
Legolas: Yes. You are both Mary Sues. (ESM snorts)
"Luneissil!"
ESM: (catcalling) Looneygirl!
I turned around and smiled as Legolas approached me
Elladan: Armed to the teeth
with Merry and Pippin by his side.
Elrohir: Also armed to the teeth.
The hobbits smiled bashfully at me as Legolas introduced us. "Luneissil, I would like you to meet Merry and Pippin. Merry, Pippin, this is a
Legolas: Mary Sue. Beware, for they are evil and very fey.
dear friend of mine, Lady Luneissil." I laughed lightly
ESM: Light laughing is all the rage, just like light salad dressing, light croutons, light colors...
as the two hobbits went red and mumbled a greeting.
"Why Legolas! Are you teaming up with my father and introducing me to some new
Elladan: (Luneissil) Assasins?
suitors?" I said jokingly.
ESM: Well that was a lame joke.
The hobbits went even redder as Legolas and I both laughed. I bent down on my knees and
ESM: (Luneissil) Asked them to marry me. (The Elves glare at her. ESM looks up innocently) What? Is there something wrong with marrying both?
Legolas: You're kidding, right?
ESM: (sigh) Of COURSE I am, you neand�nevermind.
stroked both their heads adoringly.
ESM: Everybody knows hobbits HATE that.
Legolas: That's why I let her do it.
"I honestly wouldn't mind," I whispered, winking at them before walking away.
ESM: (Pippin) Mama, why are you winking at me? (Looneygirl) Wink at you! Why would I WINK at you, child? What a notion! (laughs) I LOVE that movie.
Elrohir: What did we say about obscure movie references?
ESM: And what did I say? (Elrohir sighs helplessly)
Legolas POV
Legolas: This oughtta be rich!
When Luneissil bent down and whispered, "I honestly wouldn't mind," to the hobbits, I couldn't help a small pang of
Legolas: Hope that that they would get really mad and kill her...ow! ESM! Quit pinching!
jealousy shoot through my gut.
Elrohir: (Legolas) Ugh! I think I'm dying of a gut wound...!
What was wrong with me?
ESM: (Legolas) Why was I so bloodthirsty?
I would never be jealous of the hobbits! And what was there to be jealous of anyway?
Elladan: She was such a frail, wan, ugly little spoiled brat who fetched balls for everyone that commanded.
She was just jesting...
ESM: She'd BETTER be! If she comes near my little brother again I'll rip her to shreds and put the pieces in a blender and then feed the puree to her sister!
(The Elves stare at ESM with a mixture of terror and horror.)
Legolas: (edging away from ESM) That...that was disturbing.
Pippin POV
"Look, Merry! Legolas is jealous!" I whispered to Merry as he bid us a goodbye awfully
Elladan: (Pippin) Disappointedly.
formally and walked after Lady Luneissil stiffly, well, for an elf.
Elrohir: (Pippin) I mean, he must have put his half-dozen knives in alot of uncomfortable places to make him walk like that.
"Of us!" Merry squealed. Then he paused. "What for?"
Elladan: (Merry) It's not like we had the pleasure of killing that particular Mary Sue yet.
ESM: Alright! That's it. I am NEVER MSTing with bloodthirsty male Elves again!
Elrohir: (quietly to Elladan) And WHO was the one that wanted to use a blender just a few lines ago?!
Legolas: (not hearing Elrohir) Sue me. (ESM gapes)
ESM: Where did you learn that?
Legolas: FF. net. Where else?
ESM: Well, since you asked for it, I WILL Sue you. You're signed up to be in the next MST.
Elladan: If we survive this one. (eyes ESM suspiciously)
"I think he loves her...Lady Luneissil," I replied.
ESM: You're wrong, Pip dear.
"Who wouldn't?"
Elrohir: (Merry) Want her dead?
Merry asked dreamily.
Legolas POV
ESM: What about Merry's POV? Merry is always left out.
I quickly caught up with Luneissil as she wandered down the halls aimlessly, often humming a made up tune.
Elladan: How did Legolas know it was made up?
ESM: (sadly) Elladan, how could you be so dense? ALL tunes are made up.
Elladan: (defensively) I mean, how did he know SHE made it up?
Legolas: It doesn't say she made it up.
Elladan: ::is crushed::
ESM: Of course, If that isn't what the author really meant, then the adjective is, as I pointed out, a given.
Elrohir: Even, one might say, a bit redundant?
ESM: Quite.
her on the shoulder. Luneissil turned around and smiled when she saw my face. I couldn't help but stare at the
ESM: spider on her face.
beauty of her face. I couldn't hold my feelings bottled up forever. I'm falling in love with my best friend.
ESM: Indeed. His best friend of, what, a week?
Legolas: Seventy-five harrowing hours.
ESM: Oh.
"Will you walk with me in the gardens?" I asked coolly.
Legolas: (suggestively) There's a river in the gardens...
Elrohir: Actually, no, there isn't.
Legolas: Oh, no? How do you know there isn't a river in the gardens of Imaldris? This isn't Imladris, you know!
"Of course."
My POV
Legolas sounded so serious. I wondered what was wrong with him.
ESM: This kid has the weirdest ideas. What is wrong with being serious?
Maybe he had to go back to Mirkwood
Legolas: Yeah, that'd be a bummer.
...but it couldn't be! His father was still here...
Elladan: And as we all know, Legolas must be where his father is.
ESM: Yeah. I suppose Thranduil had to come with the Fellowship?
Elrohir: No, just sign a permission slip. You know that's why it took so long for them to get on the road. Had to send out riders to get permission and all. (Legolas' fist narrowly misses Elrohir's head)
When we reached the gardens, he sat me down on a stone bench, looking extremely uncomfortable.
ESM: No doubt. Stone benches are not known for their luxuriously soft qualities.
I reached for his hand and held it securely.
Elrohir: Lest he run away and I be left a maiden aunt.
ESM: You mean a maiden Mary Sue!
Legolas: (darkly) I believe that's a contradiction in terms.
ESM: Mmm, no. I think you're thinking of 'virgin'.
Legolas: (Confused) Aren't they the same thing?
ESM: Usually.
"Legolas, what is wrong? You know you can tell me anything!" I coaxed him gently to tell me what was on his mind.
ESM: Or in his mind, doesn't matter.
"Anything?" he asked hopefully like a little child. "Anything," I confirmed. Legolas opened his mouth to say
Legolas: (mouthing the words) Vell ven, I vant voo vill vou!
Elladan: (Legolas) I'm pregnant!
ESM: (Legolas) I just saved a bunch of money on car insurance by switching to Geico!
Legolas: ...
something but a rustle in the bushes interrupted the 'moment'.
ESM: Yes, and also the 'minute'.
Arwen and Aragorn stumbled out of the bushes, looking disheveled. I stood up and gaped. They were...doing God knows what in those bushes! Now that I come to think of it...ew...
(The four gape at the scrolling text disbelievingly)
ESM: (licking her lips) When I said "wait till you see what 13yearolds can do", I wasn't really expecting...
Legolas: Augh. I'm going to be sick.
Twins (screaming simultaneously) ARWEN!
"Hi Arwen, Aragorn. How nice of you to join us," I remarked sarcastically. "But was it Legolas and I who interrupted...whatever you were doing?" They both went different shades of red
Elrohir: (recovering) One pink and one brick.
as Legolas and I laughed at them.
ESM: What kind of a thirteen yearold is this?!
I turned to Legolas and whispered, "Maybe another time, alright?" He looked disappointed but nodded anyway. I helped a pissed Arwen up from the ground, trying to hold in my laughter.
Dinner...
ESM: (looking rather blue in the face) Never thought that word could bring so much relief!
Elladan: (pursing his lips) I have.
When I entered the Dining Hall, I noticed one unfamiliar face.
Elrohir: (Luneissil) And it wasn't mine. I'm familiar with my face.
Elladan: (Luneissil) Because I contemplate mine every morning and night.
I shrugged it off
ESM: (Luneissil) 'Cos the unfamiliar face was sticking to my shoulder.
as I sat down next to Legolas and Merry. Merry blushed as I smiled at him.
ESM: Must be another one of those dresses. Steer clear of the bushes, sister.
Legolas: Whatever happened to the blender, ESM?
ESM: (calmly, with a hint of malice) You're there to keep my brother out of trouble. I'm not worried.
After eating, father-er, Elrond,
Elladan: Fatherer again.
introduced me to the stranger.
Elrohir: Heh. Not the strangerer?
"Luneissil, this is Haldir of Lorien. He came here to deliver a message from Lady Galadriel."
ESM: (Luneissil) What do they need with messengers? Elrond and Galadriel are telepathic! It said so in the movie.
Elladan: Hmph.
So this was Haldir! Hm...he's alright, I guess...
(ESM coughs)
"Mae govenan, (A/N: sorry if I spelt it wrong!)
Legolas: Apology not accepted. Now you must die.
Lady Luneissil," Haldir greeted. He took my hand and
Legolas: wrenched it.
kissed it gently. I noticed Legolas grip the arm of the chair tightly as Haldir did so, making nail marks into the ebony wood.
Elladan: Obviously, Legolas was venting his true feelings for the Mary Sue on the poor innocent chair.
I ignored it. But what I couldn't ignore was the way Legolas' face twisted into agony when Haldir kissed my hand.
ESM: Why not? I ignore it all the time.
What the hell was wrong with him?
Elladan: Legolas was just having one of his hiccuping bouts.
I saw him stand and make his way over to Haldir and I. "May I cut in?" Legolas asked through gritted teeth. The March Warden looked surprised, but said,
Elrohir: (Haldir) Well, I'd love to kill this Sue myself, but seeing as how you're so...determined...
"Yes, of course." Legolas led me away from Haldir. He pulled me to a private corner and landed
Elladan: Blow after blow on the Sue's face. (ESM shudders)
his lips on mine. My eyes widened with shock but he pulled away quickly, looking at me desperately.
Elladan: (Legolas, thinking) Will you never die?!
"That was what I was going to tell you in the gardens, Luneissil. I love you... Please don't marry someone that doesn't love you back!" Legolas pleaded.
(Legolas hides his face in his hands, while ESM pats him on the back)
Elrohir: Rushing it a bit, aren't you, my friend? He's only just arrived and already you're acting like they've announced the wedding.
I gazed coldly at him.
Elladan: Had to cool off that hunk of hotness.
"In other words, you think I should marry you?" I asked icily, but a little too loudly.
Elrohir: Are Mary Sues supposed to be loud?
ESM: Heh. When it suits their purposes.
That was when I noticed that the whole room went silent.
Legolas: Oh that's good. Miss Mary Sue is 'star of the show', as usual.
Elrond and Thranduil's jaws were dropped to the depths of hell.
ESM: I hear the weather is quite warm in hell.
Legolas: This author's expressions are as ridiculous as they are...
Elladan: Inane?
Legolas: Yes. I think.
ESM: (sighing) That's why we're MSTing this story, boys.
Haldir managed to hide his surprise by
ESM: Starting up a jig with Merry and the other hobbits.
gazing arrogantly at Legolas. I choked back a sob and pulled away from Legolas grasp.
Elladan: Legolas grasp. Is that his new name?
I ran away from the Dining Hall and locked myself in my room and sobbed on the bed. What was wrong with me? Why was I acting like this?
ESM: (darkly) You are a Mary Sue. It is in your programming. Although actually you were just embarrassed.
My feelings were all jumbled up together, crammed inside my heart.
Elladan: (darkly) There is a way to uncram those feelings...
ESM: (giggling) Uncram? I wonder what the dwarves would say to THAT.
Elladan: I don't know, it might actually be impolite.
I didn't know what to feel. Should I happily welcome Legolas' love for me with open arms? Should I refuse his love? Should I-
Legolas: (hopefully) Commit suicide?
Someone knocked on the door. "Luneissil? May we come in?" It was
ESM: The ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Future.
Elladan and Elrohir. I sighed with relief. I couldn't really talk with Legolas or any other 'suitors', or even Ada!
Elrohir: (Luneissil) But the ghosts, sure!
"S-sure..." I was sooo wrong. Elladan, Elrohir, Arwen and Elrond came in the room! When seeing my distressed state, Arwen sat on the bed and hugged me.
Elladan: (Luneissil) However, whenever Arwen was not seeing my distressed state, she did not sit on the bed and hug me.
Elladan (I could tell who was who now...)
ESM: That was...sudden.
held my right hand while Elrohir rubbed my back. Elrond just stood there, unsure of what to do. "I swear to you, Luneissil, if anyone hurts you, I'll
Legolas: (Elladan) Send them flowers on their birthday and give them expensive Christmas presents and take them on vacations to Tahiti...
pound them all the way to Mordor," Elladan growled.
Elladan: Hey! Only dwarves growl!
Legolas: Guess that means you're a dwarf, Dan!
"Luneissil, I know this isn't the right time to mention this,
Elrohir: (Elrond) But I'm gonna anyway.
but I've noticed you've taken a liking to Haldir of Lorien. Legolas Thranduillion loves you with all his heart, but so does Haldir.
ESM: Riiiiight. Haldir saw her for the first time not ten minutes ago.
Elladan: Don't you believe in love at first sight?
ESM: No. Except for Mary Sues, of course.
You have got two suitors to choose from, Luneissil,
Legolas: Only two?
and you must wed soon," Ada-er, Elrond (thinks 'Elrond, Elrond, Elrond') said quietly.
Elrohir: LORD Elrond to you!
"Both of them battle for your affection, Luneissil," Elrohir whispered. "Aye, 'tis true, for
ESM: (Elladan) we are no good at lying.
I have seen it myself," Elladan said gravely. "When you left, the two of them had a verbal sparring match," he paused,
ESM: Listening.
"I wonder who's won..."
"Elladan!" Arwen slapped Elladan on the shoulder.
Elladan: What did I do?
Legolas: We probably would be better off not knowing.
"Th-thank you for seeing me,"
Legolas: (Luneissil) Because really, I was beginning to feel invisible, what with all the attention I'm getting...
I said softly, "but I really need to be alone for now." They nodded understandingly and left the room. I sighed with relief as they did. Oh, buddy.
ESM: Thought she said she was alone.
Elrohir: Who's 'buddy'?
ESM: That's what I said.
This was gonna be a long night...
Legolas: This is gonna be a long next chapter!