I've got little lately. But there's this! A little poem. And it's ridiculous... -ly GOOD! Ah ha, ho ho! Yes, yes indeed. Res ipsa loquitur...
-cpb 8/31 {link}

So, the Olympics have come & gone... & thank Fuck for that. Maybe i can get some sleep now. I hate to admit it, but i fuckin' love the Summer Olympics. Every four years i tell myself i'm not going to get sucked in, but invariably i do. Luckily for me, i guess, i have neither cable nor a high-speed internet connection, or else i REALLY wouldn't have gotten any sleep.
Basically what it comes down to is this: A couple days of gymnastics every four years is alright. And not just gymnastics... but the swimming & diving, the handball & badminton & ping-pong, the fencing, the rowing & the cycling, the water-polo & softball & equestrian & on & on. For two weeks every four years i like to saturate myself with all these sports that for the other 206 weeks i couldn't give a shit less about. I don't even mind all the sugary sweet storylines & endless tales of heartbreak, perseverance & redemption. For two weeks i invite the Cheese & Corniness into my life. In fact, i downright embrace it.
As a bonus, i even get a few sports i actually care about. The Baseball is a bit lame due to the fact the best players in the world don't play, but the international Basketball game is infinitely more entertaining than NBA play. Although i'm not hardcore into Track & Field, the Olympic meet is the Super Bowl of the sport & i love watching it. My favorite event this year, though, was the Beach Volleyball (& i'm not just saying that cos of all the trim on the women's side). I've always been a big fan of the sand game... & this Olympics was unbelievable. Phil Dalhausser is no Karch Kiraly (or even Sinjin Smith)... but he's pretty damn good.
-cpb 8/24 {link}

I've had nothing lately... which in many ways is sad, but could also be happy.
So which is it? Well, i really don't know...

Anyway, the only thing i've got is this bullshit i'm calling The Naked Lunch Trilogy, or: William Seward Burroughs Broke My Mojo.
I'll present it here, in it's various volumes:
Exploding Tickets
Exploding Tickets, Pt. II (Spider's Sellin' Rides)
Exploding Tickets, Pt. III (The Fantastical & Miracitastical)
-cpb 8/6 {link}

The Man put me up against the wall... what can i say?

So it is...
What goes? The Tigers are done (about two weeks ago), the Lions are a Joke & the Pistons are boring. But i'm in Ohio now... such nonsense! It's hard to adjust... but of course, i'm a glutton for punishment. In Ohio, we've got it much worse on all sides. Oy!
-cpb 7/28 {link}

"I'll dare you to dine with the cross legged knights
Dare me to jump and i will
I'll fall from your grace
But i'll never let go of your hand"


So, it's been awhile. Awhile, awhile, awhile...

We get stuck at times... but not me. I'm negative. And to What or Whom do i owe such pleasures? That, my friends, is a secret... & the answers are not for people like you & i. Temples are built as such & torn down for the same reasons. It's fuzzy, but it's there... & if you squint just enough you can see it. Fear Not! fair soldier. Be brave against such humbling Odds. A little drop of poison goes a long way. And in the end, it's these tears... MY tears... that water these vines. I'll say good night to you now, fair Prince... & in the morning this will all be but a bad dream.
-cpb 7/24 {link}

I need some clarification. Have people come to a consensus yet on whether it is okay for white people to use the word "nigger" when singing along to music? Usually it's rap, of course... but Sunday, while i was taking out the trash, i got the Stink Eye from a black guy that lives a couple apartments down from me for singing along to Sly And The Family Stone's Don't Call Me Nigger, Whitey.
Now, i'm about the whitest guy on the planet, but i'm no racist. I think hating someone cos of their skin color is just silly... especially when, if you really get to know someone, you can find plenty of completely valid reasons to hate said person. And although i'm very much from the George Carlin school when it comes to racial slurs (it's not the words themselves you need to be worried about, it's the racist asshole using them), i still realize there are just certain words out there that should be avoided in public.
Which brings me back to my original question - can i drop an N-bomb if i'm singing along to a song? I figure, if it's okay for me to sing along to the guitar parts in Sex Machine, then it's okay for me to ask Whitey to not call me Nigger, & conversely, for Nigger to not call me Whitey. Apparently, my neighbor does not agree. What do you think?

Oh... i guess i should also point out that i was in black face at the time...
-cpb 6/30 {link}

"So far this is the oldest I've been."

Well, i guess IN MY FACE for extolling the virtues of old people dying a couple weeks ago...
On Sunday George Carlin, my favorite comedian of all-time - & the man who, despite this obvious bias, i still consider to be hands-down the greatest stand-up comic ever - died of a heart attack. The difference between Carlin (who was 71) kicking & someone like Bo Diddley croaking, though, is that Carlin was still doing relevant, & more importantly, GOOD material.
That's what was so frustrating about John Entwistle's death six years ago. At the time, The Who were playing really good shows & thinking of recording a new album. It didn't come to fruition for another four years, but damn, how much better would that album have been with The Ox playing bass on it?
A little less so with another idol of mine, Hunter S. Thompson, though. The good Doctor spent the last twenty years of his life dabbling at times in self-plagiarism & occasionally self-parody... but he still had his moments. He could still "get it up", so to speak, when dishing politics... & seemed to re-invigorate himself earlier this decade when he returned to his roots as a sportswriter.

But, such is life. People die. If i may quote my mother... "Fuck 'em & feed 'em beans."
-cpb 6/24 {link}

Sad news across the wire today, as apparently Tim Russert has died. There aren't very many newsmen on TV now-a-days that i like, but Russert was one of them. He did good, no-BS-type interviews & seemed to be a pretty straightforward & fair guy. You'll be missed, ya big Mick bastard.
Lot of famous people dying the past few weeks. Russert, though, was only 58... the rest of these assholes were all TOO DAMN OLD. Dick Martin, Sydney Pollack, Harvey Korman, Bo Diddley, Jim McKay - all of 'em, old as fuck. And good riddence. As much as it may suck to lose talented people, you have to remember: there are TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THE WORLD. Get the hell outta here!
-cpb 6/13 {link}

Well, as it turned out, Big Brown wasn't the next Seattle Slew. Who knew? Looks as though Dickie Dutrow shouldn't have stopped juicing him up. I can only hope by next May that steroids are banned in horse racing across the board, in every state. Personally, i had no read on Da'Tara... & apparently neither did The Bird, as his pick to Win & my pick to Place ended in a dead heat to Show. My Show pick ended up Placing. I think i deserve a prize. A cookie. Or maybe a sticker.
As it is, i guess i'll have to wait another year to see a Triple Crown winner. Or another ten. You never know...

In other news, there is this. I was up till about three in the morning trying to finish this stupid story... & goddamn, was i slappin' myself on the back, thinking i had written something really excellent. Then i woke up the next day, read it again, & realized how much of a piece of shit it was. Well, we can't get 'em all right...
-cpb 6/9 {link}

Telegram from across the ocean:
Anak Nakal - DO IT!
-cpb 6/7, 6:14 PM, EST {link}

Well, it's Belmont Stakes time again... although i'm not really sure why they're even bothering to run the damn thing. If you believe the hype, Big Brown has already won it. Personally, i've gone back & forth on this. There was the cracked hoof thing, but apparently this has been fixed. There was the Japanese horse Casino Drive, but i guess he's been scratched. There is the fact that Kent Desormeaux has never won the Belmont and the thought that Big Brown might not be able to handle running a mile and a half, but i have a feeling Kent is not going to make the same mistakes or have the same trouble as he did with Real Quiet ten years ago. And, of course, there is the fact there hasn't been a Triple Crown winner since i was about three months old.
Well, it's bound to happen eventually... so why the hell not now? I hate to put the jinx on, but so be it:

1. Big Brown
2. Ready's Echo
3. Denis of Cork

I picked Denis of Cork correctly to Show in the Kentucky Derby, so for nostalgia sake, i'll go with him again. And as for Big Brown... well, he better not fuck this up. I wanna see a goddamn Triple fucking Crown horse, goddamn it! It's just a shame that, win or lose, he's probably going to be put out to stud soon.
Many high-profile 3-year-olds don't end up running as 4-year-olds anymore, but he's had no horse to play Alydar to his Affirmed (actually he'll probably not even run in as many races total as those two ran against each other)... and it would have been nice to at least see him race Curlin this fall - just to see if he is really as good as Dickie Dutrow seems to think he is. Selah...
-cpb 6/7, 3:41 PM, EST {link}

Don't pull your thang out, unless you plan to bang...

Over the past week or two i've been re-acquainting myself with Outkast's Stankonia album. Awesome. I think there's a good possibility that B.O.B. might be the best rap song ever cut. Hell, it might even be the best song of any kind ever cut. Maybe that's a stretch... but it's pretty fuckin' good.
Regardless, it seems a good song to bring up this Memorial Day... a decidedly anti-war song that G-Dub can bob his head to as he sends more of our kids off to the desert to die for no good reason at all, except to make his buddies rich. God mother-fucking bless America, folks...
-cpb 5/26 {link}

"Exterminate all rational thought, that is the conclusion I have come to."
-Naked Lunch

Well, it turns out Jack T. Colton & Ebb Tide met their match. My pair of clippers, to be exact. Those were indeed some kick-ass burns... unfortunately Jack couldn't keep his big mouth shut. We got into an argument about a week ago about whether Jethro Tull belonged in the Rock & Roll Hall Of Fame & the son-of-a-bitch had to play the "faerie dance music" card (i didn't even know he knew Shane). So... i took the axe to him... metaphorically speaking. The real loser in all of this is Ebb Tide, who was basically just a victim of circumstance. I mean, once i shaved one side off, i had to get the other. Ebb was kinda boring, anyway.

As i said, it's been about a week since saying goodbye... & although Jack T. Colton was a dick & Ebb Tide was boring, it was still nice to have someone around to talk to. Luckily, however, my parents have made the voyage out of the Desert all the way Up & Over into the National Armpit... er, i mean the Midwest. And they came bearing gifts! They brought me a goddamn steer skull. And not no chinchy replica... the Real fucking deal. To be honest, the thing creeps me the fuck out. Things is, though... i know right now it's not gonna be long before i start having conversations with the S.O.B. I just hope he's got something interesting to say...
-cpb 5/25 {link}

In Horse Racing, as with the NCAA Basketball Tourney, i hate picking favorites. However, i've got a hunch that Big Brown might just break the Triple Crown drought. At the very least, though, i think he'll win The Preakness. I wouldn't bet on it though... 1-9 odds don't payoff much...

1. Big Brown
2. Riley Tucker
3. Kentucky Bear
-cpb 5/17 {link}

It's hop-a-long time once again. This means nothing to most of you. Selah...

Anyway, a few days after posting this, i got one angry-ass e-mail from the Banana chastising me for lifting a Bob Schneider line in it & not citing him. Of course i told him to, "Get the fuck & get the fuck out my face." I'm still pissed at him for not coming back to work for THE Experience & i'm still pissed at Schneider for not playing anywhere in the Midwest besides Chicago. Besides... i'm not afraid of Bobby or his publishing company. As it is, The TERRY's KID Mirical Network still owes Tom Waits' publishing company Jalma Music $5.74 for sales of No S. And i'll be goddamned if were gonna pay that...
Well, just to piss off Shan-O once again, i used an Architecture In Helsinki line in this. And which line is it? Well, as with the Prior, it's the best line, of course. T.S. Eliot was right...
-cpb 5/16 {link}

Well, after 10 long years in Michigan - then four or five months bopping around from here to there - i find myself lodged in the finely hoary town of Toledo... which is basically Ohio's version of Ypsilanti, Michigan - the town i've lived in for most of the last 10 years. If i can go out on a limb & quote a Chevy Chase film - "We fear change." Not only that, but i find myself with a completely ball-less & soul-less Nine-to-Five that makes up in repetitiveness what it lacks in creativity. I ask you, sir, "Does the Fun ever start?" No? Alrighty, then...

Anyway, one good thing about being in Toledo is that i can easily find an Allied Record Exchange. God, i love that place. I stopped in last week, even though i knew i shouldn't, to spend a little money that i don't have. As it turns out, i was feeling my inner Vagina...
Although i did grab Can's Monster Movie - cos i've been itching to compare Malcolm Mooney's vocals to Damo Suzuki's Tago Mago stuff (Mooney is good, especially given the Syd Barrett-esque story, but i think i still prefer Damo) & the Flaming Lips DVD U.F.O.s At The Zoo... the two other albums i picked up were as gay as the day is long... & i love it.
I got The Reminder by Feist, which is REAL good. The songs are good, her voice is good, the production & instrumentation is good... what else could you want? A Nina Simone re-work? Got it! I also picked up the Bloody Mother Fucking Asshole EP from Martha Wainwright... also REAL good. What? Oh, that thud you just heard... that was my nuts falling off.

That particular album got me to thinking of what the best musical family of all-time was. I'll give you the Carter/Cash m�nage... but if you take into account Loudon Wainwright III's two marriages (plus his sister, Sloan Wainwright), it becomes pretty hard to beat. His first wife Kate has a pretty good pedigree (even taking into account that she's Canadian). And with her, he produced Martha & Rufus (who is as gay as a three-dollar bill, but is still gaytastic... in the gayest sense of that word)... not to mention that she also popped out Lily Lanken with some other dude. Then his second wife was Suzzy Roche, who performed with The Roches, & popped out Lucy Wainwright Roche. It would almost be too much to take in if it wasn't so confusing. But i digest...

As it is, though, these are the first new-ish albums i've added to the collection in quite some time. The last album i had bought was Arcade Fire's Neon Bible... which is probably the best album i've heard that's been released since The Flaming Lips' Yoshimi Battles The Pink Robots... which was probably the best album since Public Enemy's It Takes A Nation Of Millions To Hold Us Back... which was probably the best album since The Clash's London Calling... which was probably the best album since, well, Ever. I'm not sure about that, however... i've not gotten that far in my BSAofEY Project yet. Of course, i never added No S into that mix... if nothing, i'm unbiased...
-cpb 5/11 {link}

Well, i did it again. Or, more to the point, i didn't do it again. My Derby picks - horrible. Selah. My Winner ended 6th, my Place ended 17th... however, i did pick the Show correctly. And man, did Denis of Cork come from a LONG way back to Show.
But, in the end, it was ALL Big Brown. I have to admit, he convinced me. It's a good ass horse. I have a feeling he'll go on to stomp the eight or nine other horses that run the Preakness... & then we'll see if good ol' K.D. can keep himself from screwing up another shot at a Triple Crown like he did 10 years ago. And goddamn, did Dick Dutrow look like he just got done doing a LOT of coke when they interviewed him, or what? Get this man some smack, stat!
And i would be remiss to not mention Eight Belles. It's always sad to see a horse have to be taken down. What a specimen, too. That philly was 17 hands... just think of all the glue she's going to make...
-cpb 5/4 {link}

It's Kentucky Derby time once again. Last year's picks were pretty piss-poor... but then again, that's kinda what i do. I really hadn't gotten heavy into looking over the horses running this year till a few days ago, but i still don't have a good read on what might happen. I hear it's supposed to rain, which would rule Big Truck or Z Humor out of a possible long-shot Place or Show. I kinda like the philly Eight Belles, but she's no Winning Colors. I really liked Big Brown, if only because Kent Desormeaux is riding him... but i've backed off this, especially when he got stuck in the outside gate. I don't like Pyro because of some coos i heard on The Jim Rome Show. Then there's good old Nick Zito, who hasn't won the Derby in about a decade & a half. Although he's not Go For Gin, i kinda like Cool Coal Man. And i could have sworn the morning line had Anak Nakal going off at 57-to-1. That will change, though... if only cos we love Nick so much.
But i'm stalling. I must "shit-n-git", as my mother used to say:

1. Colonel John
2. Gayego
3. Denis of Cork
-cpb 5/3, 2:36 AM EST {link}

Magic. It's magic again.
Living breeds these kind of statements. We bury our heads in money & the dust dries our pens. Unbelievable. It's unbelievable.
We simply cannot... cannot & will not. No, wait. Yes, we do ignore the Pretense. It's stifling, these conditions. But the Woodchips & the Wheel are our own creations. We made god in the image of a beggar cos we like to feel Large & in Charge... & we only kiss the feet of those higher up the Ladder. Yes. Yes, we do.
The sun's out. The sun is out & here we are again, acting Werewolf crazy, hairdo-ed & out of control. Hot dogs & Bar-B-Ques are enough to keep our Reality in check & our Ego realistic. Fantasy is a winter sport, but the sun is always brightest reflecting off the snow. It's warm, my Friend. Drink it in.
Least of all. The Least... the LEAST we could do. Let's find It & do It. Have a dime, my Brother... but no more than that. Stay here & i'll help you out. Only here, though. Here & only here.
The wind outside is a-howlin' & kickin' up Resentment once more. Stay indoors, my Friend. Come out only to mend the Fence. Don't you see that ditch? That's for you, my Friend.
We'll sit around the table & drink to that. It's Fair. It's only Fair. Fair lives here & stays here. Fair never moves. Fair is a Joke. Fair is laughing at you.
It's magic again. It's magic... Magic, my Friend.
-cpb 5/1 {link}