I'd always had nightmares. But now the ghosts didn't wait for me to sleep.
-Bringing Out The Dead

I've been seeing the ghosts again. The suicides come back at times... sometimes during the highs & especially during the lows. Many times i bring it on myself. Certain music, certain songs, certain movies. The Fisher King always does it. In recent years it's been Bringing Out The Dead. The booze doesn't help, either... & neither do the sleepless, lonesome nights.
It's a young girl that haunts me. I had nothing to do with her death - & i know that - but i still feel responsible. I felt the same way a few years later when my good friend killed himself. Neither were my fault... but i felt there was more that i could have done. Something. Something i could have done. Anything... more than nothing, i guess.

The paradoxes bug me. And I can learn to love and make love to the paradoxes that bug me. And on really romantic evenings of self, I go salsa dancing with my confusion.
-Waking Life

My incompetence as a friend has been heavy on my mind of late... actually for quite a while. Two of my best friends have been going through life-altering situations - things people call "big" - with one having a baby & the other getting married. And i, in my booze-addled & diseased state of mind that i've been in going on a good three or four years now, have not, for lack of a better &/or less gay term, "been there" for either of them. These are two men that have helped me more than i could ever repay them for in the past couple years, yet i can't help feeling that i am completely letting them down.

The bad end unhappily, the good unluckily. That is what tragedy means.
-Rosencrantz And Guildenstern Are Dead

But, maybe it's my place. I have always been a hard person to be friends with. I ask a lot of the few friends that i keep & give them very little in return. And maybe that is why i'm destined to die skeevy & alone in a Veteran's hospital. Or maybe it's cos i'm kind of an asshole... i don't know. I'm four years off of middle-age... & i've realized it's time to either start getting my shit together or accepting my fate. Quite frankly, it's a coin toss. I'm a lazy fuck... but on the other hand, i love these bastards...
-cpb 4/26 {link}

The idea is to remain in a state of constant departure while always arriving. Saves on introductions and good-byes.

It's an interesting thought, for sure. However, it also serves to remember that there are billions & billions of people in this world... yet, the things we do still make a difference. Then again... does it? Such broad & sweeping statements make nice quotes, but they lack the slap & tickle of ideas such as Money & Power. We live in an odd society here in America... & it will take people far smarter than i to understand the intricacies of Structure & Balance.

"Nobody can get the truth out of me because even I don't know what it is. I keep myself in a constant state of utter confusion."
-Col. Flagg

One of this country's greatest journalists, the late Hunter S. Thompson, once said of that screwball former President of ours, Richard M. Nixon, that, "The main thing he feared in his life - even worse than Queers, Jews and Mutants - was people who might run amok." If i remember correctly, he referred to them as, "loose cannons on the deck," & he wanted every goddamn one of them put to sleep.
The world we live in today is very different from the mid-1970's... but there are some things that make sense in any decade, as long as they're said by the Right People. And, although i would hate to admit to that twisted fuck Nixon being right about anything, you have to admit that, for a short time, he read the pulse of this great Nation of ours... & he read it well. Well enough, in fact, to run against & trounce probably the last honest man (Jimmy Carter's dumb ass not included) to run for President in this country... a man who failed only when he started thinking like a politician.

But, as Polio once lamented in anyone ever saying... i digress. Why is that? Because, quite frankly, i have nothing else to say. I'm sick of Philosophy, i'm sick of Politics &, more than that, i'm sick of having no one to talk to about it. The Banana won't e-mail me back & the Trainspotting poster above my computer is sick of talking to me. Insanity is a lonely disease at times. Then again, we love the things we can't have...
-cpb 4/25 {link}

Best and brightest, come away!

It's been a bad couple weeks for good writers. Yesterday journalist & author David Halberstam was killed in a car accident. Halberstam was one of, if not THE best of the Vietnam War correspondents, working as he did for the New York Times. His book The Best And The Brightest is one of the most interesting accounts of the work-up to the war. Later in his career he got into writing sports books... & although i've only read one of them, there's something inherently RIGHT about a great writer with huge balls writing about sports.
-cpb 4/24 {link}

In what seems to be another life, i owned a dog. Her name was Daisy, but she went by Day-Z. She's now a product of divorce, so she'll probably end up becoming a famous playwright, a stand-up comedian or a raging alcoholic lesbian. Or whatever the dog equivalent of any of those is. Then again, i'll probably never know.
Anyway, today is her birthday. The big 6. She's starting to get old. But then again, aren't we all...
-cpb 4/20 {link}

Life is funny sometimes... & sometimes it's serious. For me, of late, the line has blurred. Take it from me, though, lying on your back in a hospital bed is no way to spend your weekend. Then again, doctors are always good for a laugh. And a groan. God i fucking hate hospitals. And even more than that, i hate fucking doctors. They all seem to be so fucking smug. Either that, or they barely speak English. What a crock the medical profession is. It's all guesswork in a white coat.

"Well, we're not really sure what's wrong with you, so were gonna have you stick around for about 40 hours or so while we run some tests & needlessly scare the shit out of you."
"Thanks, doc... you're a real pal!"

But what can ya do? Well, not pass out at work, for one. The Death & Resurrection Show is playing round the clock now-a-days. I heard that Don Ho died yesterday. Tiny Bubbles, make me feel fine indeed...
-cpb 4/15 {link}

Alright... i'm layin' it out there... i fuckin' love hockey. I've never been a huge hockey fan, although the past decade or so living on the outer edges of 'The Detroit Metropolitan Area' has gotten me interested more & more into the sport. Then, for whatever reason, the past two years i've found myself watching more & more hockey. Well, last night i went to my first professional hockey game, which just so happened to be the Red Wings opening round playoff game against the Calgary Flames... & the son-of-a-bitch totally blew my balls off (of course, it helps that the ducats were free). I've been to plenty of pro baseball games & a few pro basketball games, but i gotta say, this blew them all away. Well played gentlemen... well played.
-cpb 4/13 {link}

"Everything was beautiful, and nothing hurt."

Yesterday, America lost one of its true national treasures. Although he was old, it's sad none-the-less...
R.I.P. Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
-cpb 4/12 {link}

He says it's like a Ph�nix. Or Lazarus. He's not sure anymore. He's confused... & the booze & the drugs aren't helping any. His palms are sweaty & he's hearing very little of what is going on underneath. He's jittery now. He doesn't belong here anymore. Maybe he never did. He's out of context now.

I closed the door & walked on. He was familiar... & i knew that i knew him. I couldn't place his face, though. Despite this, his voice carried buckets of sand through my brain. I wanted to distance myself. At home it was hard to unwind. Was it all a hallucination? I need to rest, for once in my life.

Last night i dreamt that you were alive. The vision shocked me & brought tears to my eyes. Your mouth moved & exhaled the words i wanted to hear. God is a place... & it's so hard to find. The tears mingled with the blood coming from my hands. I grasped at rungs of a ladder i was no longer sure existed. The closer i got to you, the more the background fell apart. Life inside a painting is hard.

In the end, none of it makes sense. Trying to understand it makes my head hurt. You're a thousand miles from here & you're nowhere. I'm looking into a mirror & i'm vacant. My mouth wants to speak words my brain has not yet learned. My hands grasp at straws. Something is wrong, but i've dug this ditch. Life is elephantine at times, at others it's amnesiac. Memory is a whore. Even still, it cannot be ignored. Learning to live with your memories takes time & patience... but it's time well spent.
-cpb 4/10 {link}

Well, today was a sad day. I had to say goodbye to two good friends. Unfortunately, the haircut i attempted to give myself went awry... & that meant i had to go somewhere to get a 'real' haircut. Which also meant that my tremendous sideburns had to be clipped. Luckily it was the crazy Mexican lady that normally cuts my hair who did the honors, cos i don't think i would have been able to do it myself. The good Admiral cried like a woman, but Higbert took it like a man. As she brought the clippers up to my face, he uttered his last words: "Death is a whore who consorts with all men." I never even knew that Higbert liked Langston Hughes. Sniffle...

However, i had plenty of excuses to be Mary Anne With The Shaky Hand, if i can steal a song title from Pete Townshend. I'm still trying to recover from Peter B's bachelor party. But it's not really because of the copious amounts of beer i ingested, or strippers bouncing their tits off my face, or even sleeping on the floor of the hotel room. It's actually because i'm still sore as hell from playing golf. Laugh if you will, but you'd be sore too if you finished 18 holes at 65 over par. Of course, it was all well worth it, cos quite frankly, Pete is The Man...
-cpb 4/3 {link}

Goddamn, i'm smart. Of course, that's the only thing i picked correctly the whole Tournament. Maybe OSU was better off with Grady from Sanford & Son in foul trouble. Selah. So, get ready Kentucky... here comes Billy D.

And the Tigers today... heartbreaking. Oh well, it's a long season...
-cpb 4/2, 11:42 PM, EST {link}

Of course i was wrong! And hopefully i'm wrong again, cos i think the Gators are going to win tonight:

Florida - 87
Ohio State - 72

More importantly, though... today is Opening Day. The Tiggers are starting off at home at 1:00 today. And do i have tickets? Well, of course not. Hopefully i'll be able to get the game on the radio. Or maybe i'll just skip outta work & hit a bar. Or maybe i won't. Maybe i'm losing my mind...

That's as maybe, but i might as well get "on record" here with a Tigers '07 prediction. I think Detroit will be pretty good this year, but i'm not sure the Magic will be there again. Even before getting started, The Roaster is already going to miss half the season. Anyway, i see them winning 91 games, about four behind the Twins in the Central & about three behind the Yankees for the Wild Card. But who knows? Last year i thought Detroit would win 82 games. So, if trends hold, maybe they'll win 104 this year. Whatever happens, it should be a fun ride.
-cpb 4/2, 1:11 AM, EST {link}

Where have i been? On the road? Out of my head? Dead? Maybe...

Actually, i've just had nothing to say. Except maybe this. But who cares? Not me, i guess.
I'm off to C-bus for Peter B's bachelor party. Yee... uh, haw? Anyway, i had to get on to give my Final Four predicts so that all the degenerate gamblers know where to stick it:

Georgetown over Ohio State & UCLA over Florida
And what it is - Georgetown over UCLA

There you have it. I'd like to see OSU win it all, but i think Triple Sticks is going to make Papa proud. I just hope that slick prick Billy D doesn't repeat. You've had your fun!
-cpb 3/30 {link}

Well, it took till yesterday afternoon for my brackets to be wrecked... instead of Friday night, as i had predicted. I don't mind, though. It was just good to get a few good games & upsets on Saturday, especially after all the chalk during the first round. Oh, by the way... i was just kidding about Maryland winning it all. Hehe... right?
My St. Patty's Day was fairly uneventful, as well. Part of that is Keith's fault. He came up to Ypsilanti on Friday night... & for some reason, it seems i can go down to Toledo & drink all night & wake up the next morning feeling just fine, but whenever someone comes up to Ypsi, i'll drink about the same amount & wake up feeling like a bear took a dump on my brain & kicked me straight in the ball bag. Why a bear? I really don't know.
Anyway, all i did Saturday was meet some friends for a few drinks in the afternoon. And let me tell ya... there's nothing like a quick stop at a couple local "college bars" to make you feel like Old Man River. I was out of touch enough when i was 21... & now, a day short of 29, i'm in some other atmosphere. As it was, i felt like shit, was out of place, tired & goddamn sick of listening to my old roomie & his ex-girlfriend bicker at each other. It was like being out with my parents... except that my Dad isn't a douchebag & my Mother isn't a lesbian. So, i pretty much just went home, smoked a Sheesha & fell asleep on my couch watching basketball games. Lo que ser�, ser�...
-cpb 3/18 {link}

Less than hour away from the start of the Tournament... & i can hardly fucking contain myself! Thank christ i don't have to work today or tomorrow.
Anyway, i filled out a couple brackets, per usual... but i do have one "definitive" set of picks. And what does that look like? Well, i'm sure it will be wrecked by Friday night, at the latest... but my Final Four looks like this:

Maryland over Kansas & Ohio State over Texas, with Maryland winning it all.

Sounds crazy? Probably. Then again, people laughed at me last year when i picked Florida to win it all. Or maybe they were laughing cos Florida was the only team i had right in the Elite Eight. Well, fuck it... it was good enough to win a SlingBox from the Jim Rome Show...
-cpb 3/15, 11:33 AM, EST {link}

Just a little clarification to the answer we received yesterday:

Even though Fatlip was an original member of The Pharcyde, as well appearing on their first two albums (the first being one of the best rap albums of the 90's)... it is true that by the time he was on Jackass, he was no longer a part of the group.
Also, it was brought to my attention that technically there were actually two other "rappers" on the show. However, one was Puff Diddily, whom THE Experience does not recognize as a rapper... & the other one was Shaquille O'Neal - & i think the absurdity of that speaks for itself.

Thanks for the heads up gang.
-cpb 3/14 {link}

Can't get anything past you guys...
Contest - OVER! In less than 24 hours, Cara from Columbus, Ohio, correctly identified the rapper as none other than Derrick "Fatlip" Stewart. 20 Bucks for you! And she also knew he was a member of The Pharcyde... so a cup of tea as well. Oh, how we do love to teabag here at THE Experience. Especially women.
Congrats!
-cpb 3/13 {link}

Here at THE Experience, we love contests. So, we're giving twenty Bucks to whoever can answer this week's trivia question:

What rapper made a cameo on the second season of the TV show Jackass?

Send answers to [email protected].

And as a bonus, i will personally buy you a cup of tea if you can name the group he was in, as well.
-cpb 3/12 {link}

For some reason, just about every time i finally start to pass out lately (which is usually around 4:30 or 5:00 in the morning), the people who live on the other side of my bedroom wall seem to be watching TV... & apparently it's a REAL interesting show, cos they've got the volume WAY UP. Anyway, yesterday morning, i just could not take it anymore... so, i pulled a trick that Polio & i perfected about a decade ago while living in Goddard Hall. A little something we used to call "Rockin' to P.I.T." I put my piece of shit boom box up against the wall & cranked myself up a little 1812 Overture. Unfortunately, at that point i could barely stand, so i didn't get the chance to kick the wall at the canon blasts. It must have worked, though, cos i actually fell asleep before the finale anyway.
Yes, i had been drinking. But it really wasn't my fault. During the day, i watched about four episodes of Intervention on A&E... & i'll be damned if watching that show doesn't make me wanna drink & do drugs. Then, after deciding against smoking some crack (especially after the last time, when i woke up completely naked in a 7-Eleven parking lot, covered in nacho cheese, with a bugle in my ass), there was a fortuitous knock on my door. I opened said door & was promptly hit in the face with a bottle of Ezra Brooks. Luckily i was not hurt, as my sideburns cushioned the blow, but i was still too stunned to wonder where the bottle had come from. So, i started drinking of it. The rest, as some assholes say, is history.
As it turns out, it was a lucky break for Higbert & Sir Admiral Irving "Cy" Stark-Kynes, OBE. If you're wondering who they are... well, i named my sideburns (Higbert is on the left... no, my left). If you're thinking this is absolutely fucking insane... well, you're probably right... & fuck you. Anyway, i was upset with them cos earlier in the day i was trying to talk on the phone & i couldn't hear a damn thing cos they started wrapping around the phone like ivy on the wall at Wrigley Field. Not to mention Cy's incessant blabbering about the Suez Crisis & his time in the Royal Navy. Sometimes i just wanna say, "Shut the fuck up! You were never in the Navy... i just grew you two fucking months ago!" But i don't. There's no reason to get crazy...
-cpb 3/11 {link}

Look! It's new. It's fresh. It's... ah shit... it's boring. Sigh.
-cpb 3/7 {link}

I've heard the St. Louis Post-Dispatch is a fairly reputable rag. And although they don't pay well, it's certainly more than the Toledo Blade or the Lansing State Journal. But who wants to live in St. Louis? However, i have heard that the Richmond Times-Dispatch is looking. I hear Richmond is nice...
-cpb 3/3 {link}

Well, today is the first day of March. Besides being the birthday of the singer of the Greatest Rock & Roll Band Ever, it's also the first day of the month of my birth (as well as my parents) &, more importantly, it's the beginning of Hot-Torrid Butt-Sex Month. Have fun, but try not to get out of hand. Injury is your enemy in times like these.
Looking around, i see we've gotten six or seven pictures so far this year (my personal favorite is the Badfinger album cover). We're still accepting submissions... of course, as of today, this now has a dual meaning. This may seem a paltry number, but if you take into account that there are only about eight or nine visitors a month, i'd say it's a pretty good ratio. THE Experience has certainly fallen on hard times. Sad, really...

Anyway, March is also one of my favorite times in Sports. Spring Training has started, which means Baseball Season is only about a month away. And i love me some baseball. Hope springs eternal, indeed... & last year with the Tigers it was a wild & crazy ride. Expectations & appearances will be drastically different this year, so we'll see how it goes. March is also home to probably the greatest event in Sports, college or pro - The NCAA Basketball Tournament. LOVE! There's really nothing better... & the only thing that really comes close is the Conference Tournaments leading up to it. Boners all around.

Personally, i'm still dry & boring. However, i have grown an absolutely kick-ass pair of sideburns. They're getting a bit out of hand, though. I want to get a haircut, but i can't. Why, you ask? Well, i can't trim my sideburns. Why, again? Well, this is kinda hard to say, cos i think they're watching me type this... but they won't let me. I came at them with the clippers a few days ago & they started yelling at me about how they had feelings, too. I even tried to sneak up on them with a pair of scissors, but they punched me in the temple. Then when i woke up this morning, they were in the kitchen making me an omelette to, & i quote, "Make it up to me."
It's all very strange &, to be honest, it's starting to freak me out. It's probably the most fucked up thing to happen to me since i saw a kangaroo in the parking lot of The National Machinery in Tiffin, Ohio, about 13 years ago.
-cpb 3/1 {link}

Huh? A new Take for the Random Thoughts page? What the hell?
Well, it's only been about two and a half years, but fuck it. Why not? Check out my list of favorite opening lines. Book edition, of course.
-cpb 2/28 {link}

Ah, my head aches. What the hell is going on here? Another squalid night spent at home & nothing to show for it. What did i get done? Nothing, that's what.
Am i in a Rut? I'm not sure. When does a Rut become a Block? And when does a Block become a horrible realization that you're just not the least bit talented? Questions abound...
I've not sold a story in damn near half a year... & have not gotten a useful criticism of The Book in almost as long. What is going on here? Should i pack it in? Is this the low point in the story when one needs to "keep on keepin' on"... or should i just take the hint?
I'm walking in molasses lately. I'm Sal Paradise... & i'm looking for my Dean Moriarty... but i'm finding no takers. Or am i? Out with the old & in with the new, which is actually older than the original old. Or something to that effect. It hasn't even been two weeks, but i feel like it's time for another Road Trip. Soon, maybe...
-cpb 2/24, 6:12 AM, EST {link}

Sad news in the world of professional basketball, as Dennis Johnson died today. Johnson, although an amazingly ugly man, was a damn good basketball player & probably would have been a good coach, had he been given a decent opportunity. I grew up a Celtics fan, so D.J. will always hold a special place in my heart for finishing one of the greatest plays ever.

In other Sporting News, i heard that Wimbledon is now going to be giving equal prize money to both the men & women. This is long overdue... but i heard someone refer to it as, "Equal pay for equal play." This statement is actually false, because the men actually play more (best of 5 sets as opposed to the best of 3 the women play). This is only a semantics gripe, however. To be honest, i think the women actually deserve more money than the men, cos the women's game has been far more interesting than the men's for going on about a decade & a half now. Selah...

"Gee, you're so progressive... dickhead."

In Non-Sporting News, i'd just like to tell the Taco Salad at Steak 'n Shake that, although you've defeated me in the past, you are now my bitch. I own you... & there's nothing you can do about it. I'd also like to apologize to the three or four people hanging out at the Longhorn Saloon last night for having to listen to Keith & i sing. Good times...
-cpb 2/22 {link}

Here's a quick equation for ya:

(Drinking a whole bottle of Five O'Clock Vodka) + (Smoking a Sheesha) + (Passing out with your mouth wide open) + (Being a fat turd & snoring like an ape) + (Bone dry apartment) = (Waking up with a swollen uvula) + (Shitting your pants cos you think something is going horribly wrong)

Luckily, i found this guy... & about a thousand other people, who had the same problem.

This was actually the second time in as many mornings that i woke up practically shitting myself. The morning prior to this i just about had a fucking heart attack when a big chunk of ice fell off a tree right outside my bedroom window - basically two feet from my head. I thought someone was trying to shoot me. God i love Ghetto Fabulous...
-cpb 2/19 {link}

Yeah... the rumors are true. I did actually add something new to The Corner. Yeah... maybe it has been a year. Or two. Or eight. What the fuck do you care, anyways? Just fucking read it... cos it's fucking good.
-cpb 2/17 {link}

I'm back. But for how long? I've got places to go & people to see. Lexington. Decatur. Columbus. Chicago. Toledo. New Orleans. Richmond?
But the driving did allow for some good "ear-love" time. Thus, a playlist:

1} Sea Of Love - Tom Waits
2} So What - Miles Davis
3} Jesus, Etc. & Heavy Metal Drummer - Wilco
4} Downtown - Neil Young
5} I Got Loaded & Good Morning Aztl�n - Los Lobos
6} Liar - Argent
7} She Smiled Sweetly - The Rolling Stones
8} Asteroid - Killing Joke
9} Your Woman - White Town
10} Pretty Girls & Sunday Papers - Joe Jackson
11} Tiny Spark - Brendan Benson
12} Neverevereverdid & It'5! - Architecture In Helsinki
13} West End Girls - Pet Shop Boys
14} Too Drunk To Fuck - Dead Kennedys
15} Mexican Standoff & Station Approach - Elbow
16} Together - William Shatner
17} Smile - Lily Allen
18} Lazy Eye - Silversun Pickups

This last song, Lazy Eye, i just cannot stop listening to. Actually, the whole album that it's off of (Carnavas) is really good. I like a good band that has a chick in it, who in turn sings mostly backup and maybe just a little lead. I guess the classic example would be the Pixies. Now, the Silversun Pickups are no Pixies just yet... but we can only hope they keep heading in the right direction.
-cpb 2/16 {link}

And on & on & on & on...

I think it's time for a Road Trip.
-cpb 2/11 {link}

Yes... it's almost here, once again:



And once again, THE Experience is asking you to send in your butt pics, in honor of the occasion. Is this ridiculous? Of course it is. Is it fun? Well, you be the judge of that...
-cpb 2/10 {link}

Well... first things first... as i said to Andy after the AFC Championship Game - NEVER question me. Ever!
A pretty decent game this year, the Super Bowl... i guess. I did fall asleep towards the end, but that had more to do with drugs than how exciting the game was. And a pretty good halftime show, as well. Although i'm not a HUGE Prince fan, i do like most the shit he's done. That being said, however, that motherfucker is still so fucking cool he can do a 15 minute set out in the rain & not even get wet. Goddamn, i wish i was only five foot tall.

But now, on to Current Events...

So Anna Nicole Smith died. I don't mean to be course or anything... but, quite frankly, who gives a shit? I was watching TV earlier today & switched to the TV Guide Channel to see if i could catch an episode of Mythbusters anywhere, & they're covering her death like the fucking president just died. Give me a fucking break. This was a talent-less, big-titted bimbo who spread her legs for a few magazines, married a rich dude 60 years older than herself, then had the low self-esteem & lack of dignity required to be on a reality show. Don't get me wrong, she was a public figure & i know why her death is a news item... but for fuck's sake, give me a break. I guess my vitriol towards drug addicts who kill themselves is a bit steeped due to personal experience... but none-the-less, screw this Dunce.

Anyway, in more interesting news, former NBA player John Amaechi recently announced that he is gay. Unfortunately in our society, this is a major news story, but as Sean Baligian would say, "It is what it is." The social &/or political implications of this story are of no interest to me, however. I'm gonna just cut to the quick here & just put it out there - my balls have been in this man's mouth. Let me explain...
The summer before my senior year at Perrysburg High School, Mr. Amaechi (who is a Toledo St. John's grad &, if i remember correctly, was in his second or third year at Penn State at the time) came to a few of our open gyms. If you're not the basketball type, open gym is basically summer practice for the basketball dickheads... basically just pick-up games with "no coach supervision" (quote-unquote). Long story short, Amaechi came to a few of our games, basically to beat up on our "Bigs". Anyway... at some point, i dunked on him... & yes, my nuts went into his mouth. This might sound strange to the non-B-Ball types, but to people like D-Fresh (who has dunked on people) & Polio (who has been dunked on)... it makes complete sense.
So, basically, i've been wondering for the past couple days - is there a connection. Honestly, i doubt very highly there is. I mean, he was probably 20, 21... maybe 22 at that time. I'm sure he knew by then that he was gay. But what if he didn't? What if my nuts in his mouth were the thing that sent him over the proverbial Edge? If so, then... awesome? Maybe...
-cpb 2/9 {link}

Well, it's Super Sunday... & wippiddy-do-da-dey. Luckily i'll be driving for most of the morning/early afternoon, so i'll not have to be subject to the 15 hours of pre-game bullshit. I'm hoping for a good game, but i don't really see that happening. Hopefully the officiating will be a little better than last year. But enough of this gay banter... people want predictions. I guess i'll have to stick to my two original predicts, from the beginning of the year & the beginning of the Playoffs.

Indianapolis - 33
Chicago - 16
-cpb 2/4, 6:46 AM, EST {link}

This next song goes out to the one we call Schmorgandorffer, who will soon be starring in a new HBO show called Helmet Head & The Two Dykes. It's a deep cut from the Talking Heads... here's The Girls Want To Be With The Girls...

Well... words such as Death, Freedom & Grace are circling the drain of late. Spittle flies from Beasts much bigger than me... or you. Fragrances abound, but the Stench also rises. Fear is a wonderful thing, at times...

And me? Well, some things never change. The world turns, but at times we all come back Negative. I recently received yet another rejection for The Book. My patience is thin... but the list of "Things I Give A Shit About" grows smaller & smaller. My Mother's insanity drives me at times... & at others it stalls. I am of this stock - which makes sense - but clawing my way out of wells was never my bag. My Hatred seethes... but as cynical as i may be, i still believe Love shines from that Hill. We coast & we swerve... but this boat carries only so many. I feel chances slipping away. The mind holds wondrous stories, but only for so long...
-cpb 2/2 {link}

The Australian Open is over... & questions abound. Is Roger Federer really that good? Is he dominant... or is the field just saturated? Is there just no Pete Sampras or Bj�rn Borg... no John McEnroe or Jimmy Connors... or even an Ivan Lendl out there to compete? I called Bierlein this morning, but i've not heard back. Of course, he's a lawyer now, so it is very possible that he cannot comment, for fear that he may incriminate himself in the future. These are the times we live in today...
-cpb 1/28 {link}

"The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, but in ourselves."

William Shakespeare was a bit of a cunt... but that was no fault of his. The beat goes on, none-the-less...

I'm back in my shit-stain of an apartment after a day and a half or so of exile, mostly due to my furnace crapping itself. This might not be a "make-or-break" instance, in most situations, except for the fact that there is no such thing as "insulation" on the windows, doors or even the light sockets in this crap-hole. But, i think i've spoken of this before... so, i digress.

The artist Ralph Steadman said shortly after Hunter S. Thompson killed himself, "He told me 25 years ago that he would feel real trapped if he didn't know that he could commit suicide at any moment. I don't know if that is brave or stupid or what, but it was inevitable." Why i bring that up now, i don't really know... but it's fucking awesome. Selah...
-cpb 1/27 {link}

"Do I make myself clear?"
"As a cowbell, sir."

Well, it looks as though my Playoff Predicts were pretty damn good... even if i do say so myself. And i just did, so eat it. As i said to Andy earlier tonight - NEVER question me.
-cpb 1/21 {link}

"How high's the water, Mama?"
"Three feet high & risin'."

Well, after a month or two of speculation, innuendo & plain ol', outright lying, i think it is safe to say that Winter has finally hit here in Michigan. And the Cold really didn't dick around... it just pretty much got cold right-the-fuck-now. Which is splendid for me, considering the windows, doors, outlets & any other possible hole in the wall in this ass-burger of an apartment aren't insulated for shit. Or the cold. Plus, according to B. Early, it's snowing in Lexington. And you know what that means, right? Well, neither did i, for a second. But i do now... & i don't care. Or, at least, i'm going to pretend that i don't. Harump...
-cpb 1/20 {link}

"Well, I don't know what will happen now. We've got some difficult days ahead. But it doesn't matter with me now. Because I've been to the mountaintop. And I don't mind. Like anybody, I would like to live a long life. Longevity has its place. But I'm not concerned about that now. I just want to do God's will. And He's allowed me to go up to the mountain. And I've looked over. And I've seen the promised land. I may not get there with you. But I want you to know tonight, that we, as a people will get to the promised land. And I'm happy, tonight. I'm not worried about anything. I'm not fearing any man. Mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord."

-Martin Luther King, Jr., April 3, 1968, Memphis, TN
-cpb 1/15 {link}

"Heaven, heaven is a place, a place where nothing, nothing ever happens..."

I need help - i've been drowning in New Wave of late. I can't stop listening to The Name Of This Band Is Talking Heads (a great live album, by the way) & Look Sharp! by Joe Jackson. I had a dream that the Police got back together to play at the wedding of Deborah Harry & Elvis Costello (Roddy Frame was his best man). I've found myself happy that Dirk Wears White Sox. I prefer A Message To You, Rudy by the Specials to Dandy Livingstone's Rudy, A Message To You. I had a different dream about Nick Lowe & Gary Numan tag-teaming Chrissie Hynde. Plus, i have an unnatural craving to own a Devo hat.
I think the next step might be a Flock Of Seagulls haircut, which, of course, would look absolutely ridiculous with my receding hairline...
-cpb 1/14 {link}

How long, indeed...

I was reading through Genesis tonight... or maybe it was Leviticus... or Numbers, i can't really remember. Maybe it was all three. And maybe that's why i got Crabs tonight.
Anyway, it forced me to start contemplating my sideburns. To be completely honest, right now my sideburns are kicking huge ass. The only problem is, my burns are mostly red (with a little brown & grey mixed in). And that fucking pisses me off. I hate red hair on a guy. Especially Fatty Spill.
Actually, i've never been fond of red hair on a chick, either. Until recently. Recently i've changed my mind.
But not about the burns. Red burns are never good. And neither is a mustache. That's not a good look on anybody. Unless it's a Rollie Fingers job. In that case, two thumbs up. Even if you're a chick...
-cpb 1/12 {link}

Sometimes we need to cut ourselves, metaphorically speaking, just to see if we still feel... still bleed. These are trying Times we live in. It's easy to turn off & tune out. The economy's bad, the weather's hard to understand, the President is an idiot Screw, the supermarket is TOO DAMN BUSY, kids are starving in Africa... pollution, white slavery, homeless, stinky cough drops, asshole drivers, Iraq...
"How long, oh lord, how long?"
Staying in tune now-a-days takes high concentration. As well as Hai Karate. Quite frankly, i have neither of those things on hand right now. But i have excuses... & at times, they even sound fairly legitimate. Some of the things i saw back in '97 while i was still in the Botswana Blue Berets just flat-out made me numb. But that was almost TEN FUCKING YEARS AGO. Then again, V�li was created for a single purpose. Who are we to object?
But there is always Pinball. And why not? I think one of the base pleasures of Pinball is that you don't have to know shit about Pinball - the game, the particular table or whatever - to know when shit is going good. When you, or someone else, are having a good game, everyone just knows. Cos shit goes off. Buzzers, ringers, lights, bells, whistles, flashers... shit is GOIN' OFF. And that's why it appeals to so many people.
We're easy... & so is Life, sometimes...
-cpb 1/10 {link}

Kudos to whomever it was that made those burritos, or quesadillas, or chinchillas... or whatever ito or illa they were. And yet, screw that guy, too. Cos i've got a feeling that when i wake up, it's not going to be such a "bright, sunshiny day."
I've made it back home... but is that anything to celebrate? Stop yelling at me, Danielle!!!
I hear the bed callin' my name, "Shame, shame..."
-cpb, at home & on the come down, 1/9, 5:22 AM EST {link}

Disregard that last post. It was Horrible... plus there are about three statements there that are either un-called for or no longer are relevant &/or matter. Thank god i didn't drive. Selah.

Man, oh man, what a boring game. Which i thought it would be... just the "other way around," so to speak. Did OSU lay an egg, or what? Here's to you, Urban Meyer. In my face. But hey, we can't get them all right. How about 66%?

"What's a ZJ?"
"If ya have to ask, big man, you can't afford it."
-cpb, ripped to the tits, 1/9, 12:33 AM EST {link}

"Curious fella is just as good as an interested lady..."

Third quarter - baaaaaaaaa! Screw. Booooo!!!
Goddamn you, Ohio State. Now i'm never gonna get to see Michelle's tits. Well... unless i can get in close with this Rohypnol. But let's not get out of hand, here...
Oh, Mickey Finn... where have you gone?
-cpb, fairly sussed, 1/8, 11:27 PM EST {link}

"Son, you've got a panty on your head."

Err-a, yeah... did i say OSU by three touchdowns? Uh... can i change my vote?
I don't know. It's not over yet, but the Buckeyes need to get their heads out of their asses. Plus, some cooze here said she'd do a strip-tease on the coffee table if Ohio State comes back. Go Bucks...
-cpb, feeling it, 1/8, 10:35 PM EST {link}

Well, we're about an hour off from the Big Game... & it's about fucking time. Fifty days off? Craziness.
Last year i watched the BCS Championship game at the Roundtree Bar & Grill, surrounded by a bunch of drunken people i didn't know. This year, i'm in some jaggoff's house in Brighton with a bunch of drunk &/or high people, most of whom i barely know. Is this stepping up... or stepping down?
I'm not expecting a good game tonight. Florida is a joke, relatively speaking. I like Urban Meyer, but he's no SweaterVest. I got the Buckeyes big... we'll say, 44-23.
I guess i should go back downstairs & teach these stupid gits & loose nymphs how to drink & do drugs. The Banshee is screaming for Meat, once again... & who am i to disappoint her? We've got games to play here...
-cpb, completely sober, 1/8, 7:38 PM EST {link}

I'm fucking sick of nutrients.
-cpb 1/7 {link}

Am i the only person that is sick of seeing Notre Dame get their asses kicked in big Bowl games? Actually, that's not true... i love seeing them get their asses kicked, i'm just sick of them being in the games. Notre Dame Football is the definition of Overrated. But how about those Boise State Broncos, huh? That was quite possibly the best college football game i have ever seen. Well played, sirs.
Anyway, it's NFL Playoff time, which means more meaningless & poor predicts from me:

AFC:
Indy over KC & NY over New England
Indy over Baltimore & San Diego over NY
Indy over San Diego

NFC:
Dallas over Seattle & Philly over NY
Chicago over Dallas & New Orleans over Philly
Chicago over New Orleans

Super Bowl:
Indianapolis over Chicago
-cpb 1/4 {link}

The end of the year gave us a quick whirlwind "famous deaths" session. At worst, we lost a drug addict, a bumbling idiot & a tyrant. At best, we lost The Godfather of Soul, a good-hearted man & a tyrant.
As far as Mr. Hussein goes, he probably got what he deserved... but unfortunately, just about anything that happens in & around Iraq now-a-days has an odd smell & taste to it, mostly due to our wonderfully obtuse Administration who just can't seem to keep their grubby little red, white & blue fingers out of the Justification cake mix. Right & Wrong hung up their White & Black suits long ago... & Grey seems to be the flavor of the day. But i digress...
As for Mr. Brown, well... he was a true Legend who will be missed. But he was old, plus he spent much of his life doing drugs. Frankly, i'm amazed he made it into his 70's. If i could, i'd do the splits in his honor. But since i can't, i'll just blast Please, Please, Please & sing along like i was a black man.
Which brings us to the G-Man. I think Gerald Ford was a decent man, & on top of that, i think he was a good Congressman... but if i have to see or hear one more ass-kiss session about him, i think i'm going to puke. I think Ford was a fairly honest man & i do believe he truly wanted to do what was Right for this country, but his Presidency was basically a three-year Fuck Around. That may or may not have been his fault, but he should never be forgiven for pardoning that rat Nixon. But so it goes when Presidents die... even Nixon. Death is the ultimate Forgiveness, i guess.
-cpb 1/2 {link}

It's 2007. The Fat is in the Fire. Horatio Alger lives. The Death's Head is smiling back. Res ipsa loquitur. Let the good times roll...
-cpb 1/1 {link}