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| December 5, 2003 One down, four to go... That's right! Oh so lovely exams. The most frightening thing right now is that even after writing my frist exam, I still think it's midterms and classes will simply start up again soon! Very strange feeling... makes it very hard to "get into the groove" as it were. I really don't want this term to end, but I'm looking forward to going home at the same time. This term has just been so amazing, and so fulfilling. When I take a look though at what gives me the most joy, I start to question again whether or not science is the thing for me. I suppose that I may as well finish my degree and decide later... maybe I'll start to like it again in third year. And if I wanted to do something like go to Bible college, I could do that after graduating instead of going into a master's program. I guess that God will give me direction by then.. I hope! It's all so confusing, but at least I know that whatever I end up doing, I can do it for the glory of God. I must start to pack up my room... I have to move a bunch of stuff to Toronto this week. The problem is that I still don't have a ride. I hate asking people because everybody's so busy with exams right now, and I understand that many cannot afford a 4 hour chunk to be sacrificed to driving me to Toronto. I'll get there somehow! Twenty days until Christmas! And even sooner until my family is heading down to Nova Scotia. It's kind of cool that we're going as a family, as we haven't been together in so long. Well, got to keep this short because I'm meeting Dawn at the plaza for a mutual birthday celebration lunch! We're going to East Side's and we're going to treat ouselves afterwards to a snazzy dessert... mmmm... dessert! And homeloaf..... and lasagna.... and.... well, shower time! May He who gives strength sustain you all through your exams! God bless. Mari-J |
| December 6, 2003 Yesterday I had lunch with my Dawn Dawn to commemerate (hope I spelled that correctly) both our birthdays. It was quite nice! Nothing beats lasagna man =) We exchanged gifts, and along with some very scrumptuous baked goods (done by Dawn herself!), Dawn picked up the guide to "Fantastic Beasts & Where to Find Them" (it's so cool!) and an awesome bookmark with the Chinese characters for happiness, harmony, tranquility, and prosperity. The harmony character also appears on the tablet by the tassle. I love it! Now I know 4 more characters. Thanks my Dawn Dawn! Lunch was excellent. CCF last night was really nice. It was informal, so there was no program, but we had a time of praise and worship. We sang some old favourites, and I learned some new ones. The lyrics to every song really hit a spot in me last night. His presence was totally there with us last night... it never ceases to amaze me how much He loves the creation that betrayed Him. It makes little personal conflicts seem unimportant. Well, I must study for embryology... sooo much information! I think today calls for some Ovaltine! (thanks to dearest Victoria ^_^ ) Maybe I'll write again... and maybe not! |
| December 9, 2003 Sigh! I'm starting to really stress, though I know that instead I should trust. Plans keep falling through for transporting my stuff to Toronto. I understand it's hard because of it being exam time and all... and I feel so bad everytime I have to ask someone. I think I've annoyed a couple of people, but what else can I do? I can't transport this stuff by bus or anything... I mean, it's my computer and such. Maybe it's time to buy a laptop! I wish! I guess the very heavy feeling in my chest is only accentuated by the "not-so-stellar" Embryology exam I wrote today. I found it really hard, though I had studied a lot. I don't think that I could have done much better had I had another year to study that stuff. Lots of it wasn't in our notes. It's just so discouraging, you know? But once again, God is trying to tell me it's not about marks. I just feel like Embryology was a waste of time... kind of like OAC finite. Oh well, I guess in the greater scheme of things, at least for interest's sake, I know a lot about how we're formed and stuff... which is pretty cool. What helped me get through it was something Sam said at CCF. He said that when we study, remember that we're studying God's creation. That puts things in a totally different light for me, at least with science. They say if you know how to worry, you know how to meditate. Well, I'm worrying right now! I wonder how I transpose that into meditating. There's still so much I have to learn about spending quality quiet time with God. He's helped me make some leaps this year, but reading "Courageous Leadership", I really realize that there's so much more. By the way, I'd like to post a special thank you to Yu-Ling for giving me that book... I think the lessons in it I will carry with me always. They are certainly quite the challenge. And they answer a lot of questions too. It's amazing how reading can deepen your perspective on things, and make you think of things you wouldn't otherwise even ponder. Maybe another reason I'm feeling down is because all my posters are down! My walls are so bare... and they're blue! Well, one thought to brighten up the day is I'll be home one week from tomorrow. Can you believe it!? Sleepy time! ~ Mari-J |
| December 11, 2003 Different type of sigh! (Sigh of relief!) Praise God for always providing, and Chris for offering me a ride to Toronto =) It's amazing how a seemingly little thing in the grand scheme of things can cause so much stress. Everywhere I turned, everybody was too busy, and understandably so. Mom and Dad were starting to consider cancelling the trip to Nova Scotia since we couldn't afford both them driving to UW and go to Nova Scotia... and I didn't want to be the cause of that! I racked my brains thinking who else I could ask, and God seemed to whisper to me, "Hey, you haven't asked CCF yet!" So, I wrote Chris (who is the communications contact for CCF) an e-mail asking him if he could send out an announcement to the Yahoo group (if he was allowed of course!), and he replied saying that he could give me a ride himself. Wow, you wouldn't believe the relief... it's awful what stress can do to your body! I suppose that's why God asks us to turn to Him first and trust that He won't abandon us. I don't know how many times I have to learn that lesson before it will sink in... hopefully this is the last! On another bright note, my stats exam went well today. The long answer were easy of course. The multiple choice was tricky, and I don't know if I got it all right, but I think most of it. It was weird though because some of the answers clearly had more than one answer, so I called the prof over, and she said that for some of the questions, we have to fill in more than one bubble on the Scantron sheet, which is a first for me! She told me that they would be handmarked, which made more sense, except for the fact that it's a waste of Scantron cards. Oh well.. it's over with, and so this concludes my mathematics career! Yay! Last math course of uni! It's odd though because I like mathie stuff, you know? I like scientific calculations and stuff, but i don't think I could ever do pure math... all those proofs and stuff... not for me! As much as I always liked math, I'm happy it's over because it always took time away from my more important (or relevant?) courses. I do recognize however that math is a priceless tool for any scientist. Well, tomorrow for lunch, Alex and I will be handing off LifeSeekers to its new leaders. My prayer is that it will grow and blossom, and become what it is designed to be, at the hands of any member who takes it on. May God's presence always oversee it! I still can't believe it's almost Christmas! Now with the ground green again, it feels like October... not helping in giving me the feeling that I truly am in the middle of finals! Well, back to Analytical chemistry! God bless everyone =) ~Mari-J |
| December 13, 2003 Time for a break! I've been saving this blog for between my analytical chem and organic study times... unfortunately, it's 10 pm, and I"ve just got around to it now. So analytical took me a lot longer than I expected, but today was an amazingly productive day. I've been studying since 9:45 this morning, with a couple breaks in there to eat and stuff, but all totally, I think I've studied around 9 hours already today! Nuts I tell you! And the most amazing thing is I actually got all this done at home ^_^ I made a deal with myself... that if I wasn't being productive before lunch-time, then I'd have to walk into Dana Porter to study there. I guess it worked, because I've been really focused, and I'm still here =P The last couple of days have been an emotional roller-coaster for me... maybe you could tell that by the different mood in these last couple blogs... I don't know why exactly. I'm usually quite emotionally stable unless somebody says something really hateful or something like that, but I can't explain the conflicting stuff inside the last week. Don't get me wrong... finals are never a walk in the park, and stress does bad things to the body. Personal stuff has been tough this week too... I've been doing a lot of soul-searching and self-examining trying to figure some things out. The thing I dislike most about these little emotional stints is the way I treat my parents during them sometimes. I'm so patient with everybody but them, and they are the ones who love me most. I'm sorry Mom and Dad! I hope that you can forgive me that I've been a little less than pleasant! The one thing that has been constant over the past little while the (and I truly say "the one thing" because nothing else was) was God's grace. Even though this time has been rocky, I can't thank God enough for what He has taught me through this. I think, especially in the last couple days, it's one of the first times in my life that I've been faced with a big challenge and handled it the way I think that Jesus would have handled it. And God totallly orchestrated it this way too! There was absolutely nobody else to go to! He showed me so clearly that He should not be the last resort, but the first. I can't stress how totally true this is! Boy, do things feel different when you start conflict resolution with Him instead of looking to other people for advice. Don't misunderstand me... I'm not disregarding the importance of sharing your struggles and stuff with friends who are there to support you... not at all! But that should always be the second step, so that in those times when you've got nobody around to help you or even listen to the cries of your heart, it will already be totally ingrained in you to go to the One who understands your heart even better than you do! It brings new meaning to the words: "What else can I do but worship? What else can I do but bow? Cuz all I really long for is you." What else can you do but love God in return when you come to that point where it hits you JUST HOW DEEPLY he loves you? Thank the Lord who keeps His promises to those who put their trust in Him! Amen to that! ~Mari-J |
| December 14, 2003 Looming over the horizon.. the notorious chemistry exam duo. Analytical tomorrow (eek!) and organic on Wednesday. I know this sounds really stupid ^_^ but university is so different from high school! In high school, whenever we had tests, I wouldn't even waste a second stressing about it. I was always confident walking into the classroom and couldn't understand why everybody was freaking out so much... but I understand now! Don't get me wrong, I'm not freaking out right now. I just mean that there is a sense of urgency present in university that was absent in high school. I think it stems from the fact that there's just so much more to know! And some of the concepts of course aren't all that easy to understand, and even the easy(er) ones take "memory-juice", which I am convinced there is a steady leak programmed into us. I used to be able to remember so much stuff! Now I have to struggle to hold onto what I read two days ago (or mintues =P) Maybe it's just information overload, but I've heard stuff like after people have kids, their memories never the same, once they started working full-time, their memory was never the same...etc, etc... I wonder how much truth there is in that. Personally, not only with school, but I've experienced it with piano. I used to be able to play something through twice and have it by heart. Now I have to analyze the chords for tough sections and commit the progression to memory. Very odd! Anyways, back to good ol' chem! And thank you Jim and Donna for the lovely Christmas dinner tonight! It was super-yummy ^_^ |
| December 19, 2003 Home for Christmas at last! Getting here wasn't all that easy though... I had to truck 5 bags through the Toronto bus station. It was not easy. I was quite worried about it, but then a verse popped into my head along the lines of don't worry about anything, instead pray about everything, so that's what I did... and God sent me helpers every step of the trip to help me carry my stuff. Praise God! I went to see Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King today... oh my goodness! So good!!! For a full review, see the review section (eventually). I was a bag of emotions the whole way through though... I cry so easy. I think I cried 5 times. Either that or I was just constantly crying for quite a long time =P But not all sad crying, you know? I cry when I see really beautiful things too, but oh man! What a great conclusion to the trilogy! I won't say anything more so as not to spoil it... I'll only say this. I was thinking to myself "There's not enough Legolas in this one!" but that was all balanced and accounted for in this one scene. Eeeee! Legolas is so cool!!! It's really nice being home. My family had our Christmas exchange last night so we can pack our stuff for Nova Scotia. Adjusting back home isn't always easy though... although it's so nice to be back together again, I guess it's normal to run into speed bumps along the way. I'd just like to thank Mom and Dad for the wonderful Christmas gifts. They are truly appreciated! Tomorrow, it's off to Smith Falls to see Becki (probably my only chance the months to come). I'm looking forward to it ^_^ And then I'll hop onto the plane to NS on Sunday! Time passes so quickly! Bought AntiTrust today! I've been looking for the DVD forever, and I found it for $13.99. Yay! |
| December 31, 2003 Hello hello! Apologies for lack of updates, but I didn't have internet access at my Nanny & Poppie's place in Nova Scotia. Speaking of Nova Scotia, it was a great time! I just kicked back and relaxed, you know? I enjoyed the company... it was really nice to all be together for Christmas. How was your Christmas?? Like I said, mine was relaxing. The only thing about being in Nova Scotia is something about the climate (whatever stirs up my allergies), also makes me perpetually tired, so I slept A LOT! I think my body doesn't quite know how to truly relax either. One day, I got really antzy... I didn't want to watch anymore TV, I didn't want to sleep... I was in the perfect state of mind to study chemistry. Weird, eh? The only thing was that my chemistry books were 1600 km's away =D So, instead, I taught myself how to play guitar! After a couple days of figuring out chords and fingerings (and building up my finger-tips), I can play Somewhere Over the Rainbow! (Inspired by the Wizard of Oz on TV). LOL ^_^ I bought myself a new Bible on Christmas Eve. I had of couple of gift cards for Chapters that I wanted to use, and I've had my eye on this NIV Student study Bible for a little while now. It's so awesome! It's about six inches by 4 inches, leather cover (rust and mustard colours), and it's got three reading tracks, book overviews, a subject index, maps, a quick reference to miracles and parables of Jesus, and a timeline! The best parts though are the intro pages to each book. Oh my goodness! They're so well written. They put you right in the correct state of mind for reading the particular book. I read the book of Galatians one day in one sitting just like a novel. The intro set up a scene in my head. It said to picture this... Paul is on trial and in his own defence. The prosecutors are the "Judasizers" of Christianity (ie: they put following the law up there with salvation through Jesus), and the jury are the people of Galatia, with whom Paul once shared a deep friendship, but now they are doubting him, and he is defending his own credibility before the town, and subsequently, the credibility of the Gospel message and Jesus himself. With this in mind, now re-read Galatians! It's amazing! So, to make a long story longer, I just love my new Bible! And it's small enough to bring to Bible study at CCF =) So, tonight I'm off to a New Year's sleepover party at Sarah's house. It should be really fun... some good ol' fashion gaming, charades, board games, etc... Well, wherever you are, I hope you have fun tonight as we say "Goodbye!" to 2003 and "G'day!" to 2004! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year =) |