Marriage and Family stage

Marriage is an intimate partnership between male and female in which sexual union occurs, thus total integration of personalities becomes possible.

There is a mystery which is very real: two become one flesh (cf Ephesians 5:31,32a) upon sexual union. This mystery is so profound that the only time a person may be married to another is if their first spouse (ie sexual partner) dies. If their first sexual partner is still alive, then being united to another is considered adultery in God' sight. (It is no wonder, therefore, that in the Old Testament, adulterers, molesters, etc were stoned to death, the only way for the innocent person to be able to go on afresh. The question is, however, are we faced with a new scenario in the New Testament? Consider the case where Jesus does not condemn the woman caught in adultery to death [John 8:1-11] - this, I sense, has a profound impact on our thinking concerning divorce, adultery, molestation, and the way for the innocent person to be free again to have sexual union with another person).

Whilst physical union is to be expected and not withheld from each partner (cf 1 Corinthians 7:3-5), it is not the only expression of love between two married people. In fact, love is communicated through at least 6 'love languages': Word of affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, Physical Touch, Obedience, and each partner does well to finding out from the other which language(s) best communicate heartfelt commitment to the other. Remember, it is no good just giving flowers if what the other person really likes or needs is a good long talk!

When talking about marriage, we need to also be clear that a marriage is complete with husband and wife. Full stop. Children are not to 'make a marriage', nor were they designed to 'hold it together'. Children are to be seen as a blessing from the Lord, as a welcome addition to your family, but children are not the centre of the family. God is the centre. And children are to be seen as a blessing and as a responsibility - entrusted to you by God for their development into the people that God wants them to be, and finally to be 'released from the nest' into all that God has in store for them.

So what about 'family planning' and contraception? I don't know. All I know is that children are a blessing, not a curse, and I agree with the person who said "Blessed is the man who has his quiver full of them" (Psalm 127).

Finally, a married couple is to be separate from their own parents. The Bible says 'leave and cleave' (Genesis 2:24). True cleaving can only be had upon 'leaving', which means at least that you are no longer under their jurisdiction. Where once you had to obey your parents, now they no longer have the right to direct your affairs. Their words to you become advice to be highly regarded.

But this leaving does not mean abandonment! You never stop being the child of your parents. You never stop being a part of the human family you were brought up in. The Bible says that it is the responsibility of children and grandchildren to look after their relatives and immediate family when they can no longer do so themselves (1 Timothy 5:3-8).

Parenthood
As already indicated, the key role in parenthood is the training of children in the ways of the Lord. This, in light of this document, means to help them come into fullness of life.

As parents one has the privilege of truly gaining an insight into the heart of God, learning firsthand the meaning of long-suffering, forgiveness, and how to exercise discipline in love for the greater good of the child.

Parents also have a key role in the education of their children. No where does the Bible, for instance, invest the authority of education to the state. Evidence also exists to say that key people who have 'changed the world' have been with their mothers till the age of 7 years, and after that have sat under 'the body of elders', listening to their wisdom.

Grand-parenthood
This stage is not to be confused with parenthood, although being in this position definitely accords a measure of respect. There is an accumulated body of wisdom here that ought not be neglected.

Concluding thoughts on family life
Edith Schaeffer paints a helpful picture of what family life actually is:

A Changing Life Mobile
An Ecologically Balanced Environment
The Birthplace of Creativity
A Formation Centre for Human Relationships
A Shelter in the Time of Storm
A Perpetual Relay of Truth
An Economic Unit
An Educational Control
A Museum of Memories
A Door that has Hinges and a Lock
Blended Balances

Furthermore, I can see that the basic elements which comprise family are:

parents: father, mother
children: brothers, sisters (either same, older, younger)
I would also venture to add that once you become a father you join the ranks of fathers (ie you join the level of your own father).

And what of age, maturity, spiritual maturity? I sense that maturity should be correlate with age; if not, it needs to be addressed (cf 'act your age'). Spiritual maturity has its evidence in life maturity (it cannot be evidenced otherwise). Therefore helping one to be 'mature' is ultimately helping one to 'act your age', which needs to be defined by biblical standards!! (Consider that the Jewish Bar-mitzvah was at 12 years old!, and the boys were then consider adult members of the synagogue, with the right to read and comment on the Scriptures.)

A person, however, may be a "baby in Christ", but in a "grown-up" body. They need to discover their identity in Christ, undo their old values, gods etc, engrain the values of the Kingdom, vision, mission, life, apply to daily life. The more they progress, the more I can treat them "their age"!!