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Step 11 (continued): The Cameo

Now that so many forces are conspiring to keep Cloud and Aeris apart, poor Aeris needs a friend, preferably someone who isn't scheming behind her back to have her killed. Therefore, it's time for you to create your very first Original Character. Now, some people may tell you to stay away from Original Characters if possible, and should you be forced to create one to fill a specific role, to avoid deifying it and turning it into a one-dimensional cliche. However, you should ignore those people. They are just jealous of you because they chose an author's name like Tifa Valentine or flowergur12456 that destroys whatever chance they might have had of attracting Sephiroth's or Vincent's attention.

Of course, this does not mean that you're writing a Mary-Sue, and you should deny it vehemently should some critic accuse you of it. Common sense dictates that if you're creating a character, you might as well make him or her as perfect and as wonderful as possible; this is what is known as good characterization. Besides, the role of Aeris's long-lost sister, or the mysterious benevolent witch, or the beautiful elf-maiden who appears out of nowhere is essential to the plot. It's not like this character is just an excuse for you to insert yourself into the story. Coincidentally, this character is named Jycellaemynthia.

I suppose it goes without saying that this is yet another opportunity to break out your good old thesaurus to describe your OC's striking physical appearance. This will be especially difficult because you have already used up your best adjectives to describe Aeris's hair, but you are the one and only Jycellaemynthia. I'm sure you can manage; invent words if you must. Just remember, people should break out into applause when they see your avatar enter the room. Trees should bow down to her. Her very presence should be able to cure cancer.

So, where we last left off, the amethyst-eyed Jycellaemynthia started on her mission to save Aeris. Some unexplainable force drives her to the Costa del Sol Villa, where the entire gang has reunited yet again for...because...well, let's say they're having a welcoming party for Aeris.

A soft, pale, delicate hand knocked on the door.
"I wonder who it could be," remarked Red XIII. He crawled to the door, and opened it with his front paws. He opened his mouth in shock.
Standing in the doorway was the most gorgeous creature they had ever seen. She had elongated, sinuous, evanescent, palpitating, and punctual hair the colour of ebony, which danced in the light of the room. She was clad in a silver shimmering robe that flowed to her ankles, at which assorted fauna gathered. Her blood red hair framed her flawless and luxurious visage, made all the more striking by her hazel eyes. In those sparkling violet pools, there was a mystical and ethereal quality, but also a certain sadness...
"Please," supplicated the girl. "I am weary and hungry. May I come in?"

Now, I could write you another Character Reaction Sheet, but it would be redundant:

Cloud: Whoa.
Barret: Whoa.
Cait Sith: Whoa!!!

Normal people would be suspicious of a strange woman showing up at their doorstep with a menagerie in tow. But Aeris has some form of sixth sense that lets her sense Jycellaemynthia's inner purity. She finds that she has an instant bond with the mystery woman, and invites her in for dinner.

Around the dinner table, all eyes were on the beautiful girl. Although she had said that she was hungry, she did not eat a bite. It was almost as if she were an otherworldly spirit who had no need of food or drink.
"So," asked Cid. "What's your name, anyways?"
He extinguishes his cigarette, because the mystery woman's presence has suddenly cured him of his nicotine addiction.
"My full name is Jycellaemynthia Tinfania Crystalwind," whispered the young woman. Her voice was like an exquisite, enchanting, narcissistic, and cromulent melody.
"#&%$, that's a beautiful name, but it sure is a mouthful!" Cid joked.
She smiled, a joyous light leaping into her jade eyes. "You can call me Jycei for short."

In case you're wondering, "Jycei" is pronounced "Hexadecimal".

"But why are you here," asked Cloud. "Where did you come from?"
"Damn it," you think. "Better stall for time again."
"Oh," stated Jycei melodically, precariously, and anthropomorphically. "I'm afraid that I have amnesia. You see, I woke up on the beach of Mideel, with no recollection of how I got there. But a mysterious voice in my head told me to come here, for some great task whose purpose I do not understand."
You pray that none of your readers wonder how she is able to remember her name if she suffers from amnesia.

Everyone was spellbound by Jycellaemynthia's luminescent personality, her entrancing and lively sapphire eyes, her silky strawberry-blond hair, and the halo of light shining around her head. Only Tifa seemed to be less than thrilled by her presence. Tifa is inherently bad, of course, so she has a natural aversion to anyone who represents goodness. She eyed the new visitor with suspicion, and scowled yet again.

So the meal is over, and Jycellaemynthia moves to leave, when Cloud stops her. "Wait, Jycei," he cried. "Please don't go."

It should be noted, of course, that in spite of "Jycei"'s prodigious beauty, and in spite of the fact that Cloud is instantly captivated by her, he only cares about her in a platonic way. Right? Come on...be strong. Yes, I know he has a nice body, but resist the urge to make him leave his one true love for you...this is an Aeris Resurrection Fic, remember? Just behave this once, and trust me, you can indulge your fantasies later.

Jycellaemynthia accepts Cloud's invitation to live at the Costa del Sol Villa until she remembers her identity; the Villa is now shared by Cloud, Aeris, Tifa, and Jycei; and your fic is sounding more and more like a primetime soap opera.

Step 12: The Ridiculously Ill-Conceived Nefarious Plot

As you may have noticed, Tifa is not content to sit idly by with two other women competing for Cloud's affection. No, it is time to put her nefarious plot into action.

Notice that, like Step 9, it might be a good idea to repeat Step 12 several times, with each plot becoming more outlandish and ill-conceived than its predecessor. Feel free to make up your own, but here are a few suggestions:
-Tifa sends Aeris to the beach at exactly 12:17 PM to buy a popsicle from Reno's ice cream stand. While she is distracted, Reno or one of his subordinates shoots her.
-Tifa cuts off all of Aeris's hair when she is sleeping, to make her look ugly for Cloud.
-Tifa buys Aeris an exploding Materia for her birthday.
-Reno plants an illegal Death Penalty gun in her room, and gets her framed for her involvement in the weapons smuggling ring.
-Reno arranges for a messenger parakeet to attack Aeris and peck out her eyes.
-Tifa and Reno drop an anvil on her head.

Needless to say, all of these plans go awry. However, you are permitted to allow your last plan to cause a grave misunderstanding between Cloud and Aeris that nearly breaks them apart, paving the way for Jycellaemynthia to mend the rift between them.

Example of a Ridiculously Ill-Conceived Nefarious Plot

"Oh, Aeris," called (slutty) Tifa ever-so-sweetly. "Could you do me a bit of a favour?"
For a second, Aeris was a bit surprised to have been addressed so politely by Tifa.
"Sure, what is it?"
"Well...you see, I'm dying to have a popsicle. Could you go and buy me one from that stand on the beach?"
"You mean the one that Reno works at?"
"Yes, as it just so happens, totally by chance, that one. Now, normally I would go myself, but I, uh...need to help Jiss or Jyce or whatever unpack her belongings."
"It's Jycei, but sure!" Aeris was always happy to help people (AN: Isn't she great?). "What flavour do you want?"
(Hideous and repulsive) Tifa grinned. "Believe me, it doesn't matter."
Aeris gave her an odd look, but decided not to press any further. "Okay, then, I'll go get it now..."
"NO!" cried Tifa. Aeris turned around, mystified. "Uh...now it's only 11:58, and...it takes roughly five minutes to get to the beach, so...why don't you wait until around 12:10ish to leave? So that, um...the popsicle doesn't melt."
Aeris secretly doubted Tifa's sanity, but she tried not to show it. "Right," she said.

What Aeris doesn't know is that at 12:17, a messenger parakeet equipped with an international global positioning device has been instructed to fly towards the coordinates exactly eight and a half inches to the left of the ice cream cart and peck its target to death.

But you weren't really expecting evil to triumph over good, were you? Aeris ignores Tifa's advice and leaves too early. She arrives at the beach at 12:08, where she notices Reno and Elena (who has traveled from Midgar by plot hole).

"Are you ready?" asked Reno. "Did you make the necessary arrangements?"
"Sure, boss!" Elena chirped. "I've sent a message to the parakeet to close in on...oh no, there she is!" She pointed at Aeris and panicked.
For some reason, Reno and Elena were acting a bit suspiciously. "Why, it was almost as if they were planning something," Aeris thought, but she dismissed the notion as paranoid.
"Oh, hey Aeris," said Reno, cool as a cucumber. "Who'd have thought that you'd come here?"
"Yeah, especially since you weren't supposed to be here until about 12:16...I mean..."
"ELENA! So, uh, are you here to order an ice cream? What would you like?"

Aeris orders a cherry popsicle, only for Reno to say that there are none left, and that the next shipment will arrive at 12:20. He indicates a spot for her to wait, eight and a half inches to the left of his cart. Now you could make Aeris ask for a grape popsicle instead, but then Reno would have to come up with a plausible excuse that sates her curiosity. That means that you would have to think, and you are better off using your brain as little as possible when you write fanfiction. You don't want to strain it, or you won't be able to think of good adverbs.

Anyway, Aeris agrees to wait, unaware of the not-so-subtle hints that something is up. "But Mina," you protest. "I thought that we were portraying Aeris as a perfect being! Why is she so stupid?" Ah, you may think that she is gullible, but that is just because Tifa and the Turks are so beneath her plane of thought that their schemes are unworthy of her. Besides, now that Jycellaemynthia is in the picture as the new omniscient and wise divine entity, you can afford to sacrifice some of Aeris's brain cells for the sake of contrast.

For a minute, Reno almost felt bad for Aeris, as he was not an inhuman monster like Tifa. Sure, he had felt no guilt whatsoever about dropping the Sector 7 plate on the heads of thousands of people, but none of them had been as sweet or as pretty as Aeris, or had worn as much pink. Maybe he should spare her life...but no, a job was a job.

"Oh, no," you think. "I've gotten Aeris into a horrible mess, and there's no way I can get her out of it."

Now before you resort to having a giant plot hole swallow the killer parakeet mid-flight, remember your caricatured version of Elena. Wonderful, wonderful Elena. Thank whoever wrote the script for Final Fantasy VII for including her in the cast. Her convenient inability to keep a secret makes her a useful plot device both in the game and in fanfiction.

As Aeris sat around and waited, she noticed that Elena, who kept on sneaking glances at her watch, looked a bit uncomfortable.
"Is something the matter?" asked Aeris, giving her a concerned look. She moved forward.
"No...um, everything's fine but...DON'T COME CLOSER! It'll be 12:17 in 21.5 seconds!"
It took much to make Aeris distrust someone, but Elena's tone of voice made her feel a little uncomfortable.
"Uh...I'll be going now...hey, look! There are ten more cherry popsicles left! I guess you didn't see them." She placed a ten-gil bill on the cart, reached inside to take one, and ran away.
"Bye," she called, waving to the former Turks. She skipped along home.
Reno and Elena were horrified.
"Wait, come back here," yelled Elena, running after the Cetra. "You need to... AAAH!!! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF OF ME!"

Now, most people would be suspicious if they had just seen a rabid parakeet attack someone at the spot where they were standing two seconds ago. But Aeris has spent so much time sending psychic messages to her Cetra brethren that her mind no longer works in mundane mortal ways, and common sense is beneath her. In true soap opera fashion, you should keep her oblivious to even the most obvious clues that Tifa is trying to kill her. This is a good way for you to beat the RICNP subplot to death.

So she brings the cherry popsicle to Tifa, who throws a tantrum in Jealous Evil Villainess Tifa style, complete with hair-pulling, screaming, and clawing at walls, leaving poor Aeris wondering whether she should have bought her a grape one instead.

Summary (Typical structure of all of your future RICNP interludes)
a) Tino (for I defy ReTi, even if the rest of the world makes fun of me) brainstorms.
b) Tifa lures Aeris into a trap.
c) Everything appears to be hopeless.
d) Aeris is saved at the last second by a plot hole/deus ex machina/Jycei's wise advice/Elena's big mouth.
e) The plan backfires on the organizers (usually the ex-Turks or crime syndicate).
f) Tifa throws a fit.
g) Aeris remains blissfully unaware of everything, thus allowing the cycle to continue.

Next Part: Winning the hearts of the masses, and flaunting your 1337 Japanese skills.

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~Evil Mina

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