One | Two | Three | Four | Five | Six
301.) "No throwing fruit at the instructor." - Mr. Newell
(I don't remember what was going on. ^^;)
302.) "Andrew, if you get that plastered off water, woe to you." - Phil
(Indeed.)
303.) "Weightless does not equal massless. If I threw this book at Cole on the Earth, it would hurt. If I threw this book at him in space, it would hurt just as much." - Mr. Player
(So much abuse in that class. XD)
304.) "'c' is a special 'x'. It's one that's... 'c'." - Newell
(You'd laugh too, if something like this came up in a class like Calculus.)
305.) "You nibbled! Knee-nibbler!" - Aundrea
(Kiri's new identity.)
306.) "I can see my world when I close my eyes... it's black!" - Brenna
(For the sake of people who saw this happen, I put it up.)
307.) "It looks like a snowman had an orgasm in my backpack." - Gabe
(Apparently his shampoo exploded.)
308.) "You know, litmus paper tests. Dip a strip of paper into a liquid and it turns red, you've got acid. Dip a strip of paper into a liquid and it catches fire, you've got a really strong acid." - Newell
(This is why Mr. Newell doesn't teach chemistry.)
309.) "Whoa, whoa, this is anarchy! We're all having side conversations and touching Kris!" - Mr. Workman
(I'm sure Kris didn't mind.)
310.) "Cameron, I'm making fun of you. Pay attention to me when I do this." - Fenn
(Such encouraging words from an educator.)
311.) "Momentum = mass x velocity. If you're going to avoid a truck, you have a few choices: big ones and ones moving fast. Big ones moving fast really hurt." - Player
(If only other sciences could have been explained in such a way.)
312.) "You're just going to remember that she's in love with Osama bin Laden and they have a love child together in the caves of Tora Bora." - Workman
(Why remember anything else about politicians?)
313.) "Excuse me, I'm the player king."
"He wishes." - Brian and Ms. Ringold
(Reading Hamlet. This was about ten minutes after we were told not to think like that.)
314.) "That's what apples are, they're homosexual oranges!" - Aundrea
(Not that I recall why.)
315.) "Pumping iron and baking muffins. Oh, yes!" - Phil
(Hermaphrodites have all the fun.)
316.) "These guys... girls... I guess stick figures are pretty unisex. I'm thinking out loud. I need to stop. Just because you can't see them doesn't mean they're not there." - Workman
(Diagram on congressional hierarchy turns into feminist-ish babbling.)
317.) "Sean Connery is babelicious!" - Workman
(Here we have Mr. Workman trying to deny his obsession with Will Smith.)
318.) "Why am I obsessed with Will Smith? Is it because I saw his butt in I Robot this summer?" - Workman
(That's a really good question...)
319.) "To do list: Get even with John." - Mr. Newell
(John keeps falling asleep in class.)
320.) "I'm a little piece of pork!" - Workman
(This was combined with my teacher jumping onto a rolling chair and wheeling across the room making pig squeals. But hey, I still remember what pork projects are because of it.)
321.) "Kamala's not down hookin' on Sprague." - Ms. Ringold
(A lesson in the difference between courtesans and prostitutes through Siddhartha.)
322.) "See those blue fibers? I took this paper from the U.S. Mint; don't try to copy it." - Mr. Newell
(The reasons to not make copies of hall passes get weirder and weirder.)
323.) "Wouldn't that be cool, to have a house full of dogs named for presidents' middle names? Hm. Herbert Walker, that's more of a hamster." - Workman
(I completely forget how this tangent even came about.)
324.) "What, skanky government?" - Greg
(I don't know either.)
325.) "You get this weird sense of power up here, like you are Baron de Montesquieu... with a yardstick." - Workman
(I think we were talking about presidential powers, believe it or not.)
326.) "Hey, this guy got them all right! Looks like my handwriting." - Mr. Newell
(Yum, quiz answers!)
327.) "All the light focuses to one point, which is good, because we can kill ants will a magnifying glass!" - Mr. Player
(Again, sadism makes science easier to memorize.)
328.) "If I want to have a conversation, it's in the car where he can't escape." - Ms. Ringold
(Conversations with teenage son.)
329.) "Let's say Congress is trying to pass a law that all cribs should be eight feet tall because mothers are drinking too much caffeine and their milk is super-charging babies." - Mr. Workman
(And so we begin our journey into how a bill becomes a law.)
330.) "This is a wand with metal leaves. This is a plastic rod. This is Thumper. I'm going to rub Thumper with the rod." - Mr. Player
(And so our chapter on electrcity began!)
331.) "What be up, homefry?" - Kerry
(IT HURTS AND STINGS)
332.) "You don't need education! You can come live in a cardboard box in my back yard!"
"I'm going to bed."
"I can't believe you don't like my cardboard box. You're all like . . . anti box." - K and me
(A box would get cold. ._.)
333.) "If music be the food of love, then I have indigestion." - Kellie
(Joke based on song we had in spring.)
334.) "I'm gonna say this now, it was the nicest concentration camp I've ever been to." - Dan
(All State choir sounds more and more fun all the time.)
335.) "I always thought Peter Pan was a dick, but at the same time, I'm like 'dude, I want him!'" - Aundrea
(The confessions that happen at lunch. Rawr.)
336.) "While you're wasting time, can I go to the bathroom?" - Stacey
(Calculus has its dull moments. Can you imagine?)
337.) "Ellensburg is the rest stop of Washington." - Greg
(If it's there for any other reason, I certainly don't know.)
338.) "If you had a penguin, I would totally go over to your house every day." - Josh
339.) "Jessica, I'm failing miserably at drawing you a birthday squirrel!" - Aundrea
(The birthday squirrel had enough problems without being badly drawn.)
340.) "Fear the bunnies..."
"The pink ones are especially dangerous. If you see one, kiss your butt goodbye." - me and Bethany
(The Easter Bunny is coming to get you.)
341.) "When I spin, it goes poof! And it makes me feel like a little black flower." - Bethany
(These are the self-same band dresses where you have the range of motion of a Barbie with her limbs jammed tight into the holes.)
342.) "Clare, my purse has been violated by both sides of Eumeen's butt." - Bethany
(Yeeep. The front and the back.)
343.) "Now the birthday squirrel will eat the owl feces because they look like acorns." - Jessica
(It was a good morning.)
344.) "Brenna's a man-witch."
"You're a man-witch."
"Mmm... Manwich." - Phil, Kiri, and Greg
(So... Brenna's tasty?)
345.) "I know The Emperor's New Groove like the back of my hand. Of course, I don't know the back of my hand very well..." - Greg.
(Braaaaavo.)
346.) "Clare, there are cows in your soul!" - Brenna
(Even Brenna was surprised that this came out of her mouth.)
347.) "He's married to the town bike." - Phil
(Yay, Othello.)
348.) "Dude, it's napkin karma!" - Bethany
(We'd made a paper airplane out of a napkin, and it kept attacking her. Even when she threw it herself.)
349.) "It was saturated with death."
"What are you guys reading?"
"B.S. Mountain." - Zahl and me
(Cold Mountain. Great literature isn't necessarily good reading.)
350.) "It's like when our forefathers invented the guitar... it impressed all four of them." - Mr. Newell
351.) "Glenn, you can do some silent sustained... shutting up." - Mr. Newell
352.) "That was great ventriliquism, your lips didn't move and it sounded like it came from John!" - Mr. Newell
(Roughly translates to "shut up" in Newellese.)
353.) "'Reasonable liberals' may be oxymoronic... ah, never mind. Look at that, I insulted half the class, and they didn't notice." - Bowman
(Coming from him... well, Jarrod calls him Comrad Bowman.)
354.) "What's that on his head?"
"It's a tattoo."
"Well, I know that, but what is it of?"
"It's a sign. Of the gang he was in as a child."
"... Greg, you're not allowed to explain things anymore."
"Comg on, you know Othello's from the 'hood!" - me and Greg
(Whoot, Laurence Fishburne.)
355.) "Father Time has a temporary uterus!" - Kiri
(Time is usually referred to as a man, but in Othello, there's something about the womb of time. So, combining that with bad m-preg fiction...)
356.) "She could have seen Mykah get sunburned, but NO, she had to buy doughnuts!" - Mykah
(... I don't know.)
357.) "Clare, you have totally changed political stereotypes." - Phil
(I was a white boy!)
358.) "My pants are in the wash."
"Wait, did you say 'pants' or 'cancer'?"
"My cancer's in the wash!" - Brenna and Jessica
(Skirt day for Brenna.)
359.) "Shaniqua, that's all I ask of you." - Sather
(Phantom of the Ghetto somehow didn't hit it off with the class.)
369.) "Do you want me to resave your hobo?" - Lime
(All this got was a frantic "wrong window!")
370.) "Do you love my foot in your ass?" - Lime
(Oh, baby.)
371.) "Limey, stop making out with Cookie Monster and say good night to Aya!" - Megan
(Rawr.)
372.) "We're having barbeque rubs for dinner." - Brenna
(No, that's not my typo. If it were, it wouldn't be here.)
373.) "I'm going to continue illustrating my pants." - Rachel
(Calculus boredom.)
374.) "Pollen is Mother Nature's period." - Anonymous
(I don't know the guy's name. ^^; Someone e-mail me.)
375.) "I want to be enbalmed... but not right now." - Jessica
(Sadly, I was out of the room and missed the context.)
376.) "There are many moods of her ass." - Brooke
(... Ew.)
377.) "Cassius, Judas, Brutus... and Greg." - Phil
(We love Greg. Really. But abusing him is so much fun.)
378.) "Too many freshmen looking up dirty pictures in the library." - Workman
(Not an inaccurate accusation for the slowness of the server.)
379.) "They're breeding secretly." - Rachel
(How else do you explain Legos mysteriously growing in numbers?)
380.) "I'd rather kill people than fluffy animals!" - Kiri
(Oh, THANKS.)
381.) "And dear God, thankee for my penis." - Fenn
(Fenn explains through parody as to why boys' hands are always hovering near their pants.)
382.) "Let's go to DQ! Pecan Mudslide, baby! I will BATHE myself in it." - Workman
(Right.)
383.) "I have a matriarchal society and a feral pig. Go home." - Mr. Keiser
(Description of a book.)
384.) "I have po' people's cable. I can't afford the other 'o' or the 'r'..." - Workman
(I want Ebonics cable!)
385.) "NASA's gonna blow up a comet on the Fourth of July. You could blast that sucker open and GOD could be waiting inside!"
"Or Osama bin Laden!" - Workman and Rashwan
(My bet? Jimmy Hoffa.)
386.) "I tried to put food in my mouth and missed." - Megan
(Talented, eh?)
387.) "They should use an Easter egg to teach reproduction." - Lime
(Easter Bunny, bringer of STDs.)
388.) "I found a dog hair on my keyboard."
"This is surprising?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
"I didn't expect it. Probably from my pants."
"Do you often keep your dog in your pants?" - Lime and K
(Shhh! Don't tell!)
389.) "I didn't know milkshake meant boobs. I thought it meant ass."
"Do you milk your ass?" - Megan and Lime
(It's the cool thing to do.)
390.) "What's with the 'f'?"
"It wants to have your love children."
"Love children with my letter f... what a concept." - Bethany and me
(Typo goodness.)
391.) "Does drawing a kite being flown by a dancing cake under a constipated sun constitute a person as being high?" Nosha
(Not if you re Willy Wonka.)
392.) "It's so soft and angelic and it broke under my devilish touch!" Eumeen
(It was a doughnut. XD)
393.) "I wanna be badass!" Jessica
(Well... if you know Jessica, it s hilarious.)
394.) "Hey, hey, language! There are ladies in here! And not just Dan." - Ms. Rowan
(Guys swearing in the hall during BIP on checkout day. This concludes the high school quotes.)
395.) "SEE IT NARU. YOUR LOCAL THEATER IS BEATING DOWN YOUR DOOR WITH A DESIRE TO SEE YOU. IT LUSTS. IT LUSTS AFTER YOU AND YOUR $7.50." - Lime
(Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.)
396.) "MY CAMEL FELL. HE LOOKS SO HOT ON MY SPEAKER" - Megan
397.) "Fighting yaoi by daylight, looking a yuri by midnight, never having any common sense! He is the one named Sailor Brick!" - Kerry
(Oh, Kerry... Je t'aime.)
398.) "I always have a hand job ready to go. I keep it in my purse." - Nosha
(Um... thingie?)
399.) "Boy, Bill Gates and Michael Dell probably get together in a hotel room and stroke each other." - Dad
(Ordering my laptop wasn't THAT painful, Dad.)
400.) "The spiders are eating the monkeys?" - Naomi
(Imagine this coming out of the mouth of a four-year-old child. Megan, your niece rocks the planet.)
One | Two | Three | Four | Five | Six
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