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February 7, 2002 LET'S BASH OPRAH-Marvin Gustermarsterson, spokesman for Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream, announced the company's plan to introduce a brand-new flavor in honor of media star Oprah Winfrey. The flavor is to be named "Toffee and Raspberry Egomaniac She-Devil Crunch." -"O" Magazine, in a break with tradition this month, will not feature a picture of its namesake on the cover. Instead, the cover will be a simple but elegant candle-lit photo of a stack of piping hot Belgian waffles smothered in syrup and butter with a big side of hickory wood grilled bacon. The lead article will be entitled, "Screw Your Diet, Eat All You Want, Feel Good About Yourself!" -The government of Cameroon is proud to announce that it will strike a new limited edition of solid gold coins honoring Oprah Winfrey. The front side of the coin will bear the smiling face of the beloved plus-sized talk show host. The back side will feature a portrait of her big, fat ass. -An Oprah Urban Myth "My best friend Stephanie's cousin was visiting Chicago a couple of years age and she got tickets to see the "Oprah" show. The topic was exotic animals. It was during that time when Oprah had lost a lot of weight and was starving herself to death and was wearing like a size four. Anyway, in the middle of the show, this zoo keeper came out with all these little furry animals in cages ... gophers, prairie dogs, desert mice and stuff. Well, Oprah was fascinated, but then one of the cages opened up by mistake. "Five or six of the mice got out. Then before anybody could do anything Oprah's eyes got really wild and yellow then these big, long, scaly green tentacles shot out from under her dress and grabbed the poor little mice one by one. She ... it ... Oprah dangled them over her drooling hungry mouth and a thick, pointed, blood red, studded tongue shot out and strangled the mice and pulled them in. "It was crazy and in less than a minute four or five of her handlers jumped out and restrained her as she hissed and bared these long, sharp fangs. Well, Stephanie's cousin said they dragged her backstage and then the producer of the show came out and laughed and said the whole thing was just a joke and that it would be on in October for a special Halloween show, but Stephanie and her cousin watched every week and they never aired any Halloween show. It was after that that they finally let Oprah gain some weight again."
Other Oprah pages you might enjoy:
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