Hey there! Hope everyone had a great Christmas! I spent mine in the hospital with my wife (broken foot - Her, not me) Thus, part of the reason for no column for so long. (Incidentally, I was also abducted by aliens, but they got mad and returned me when I kept saying that they smelled like they just came from Uranus)!
Enough excuses! You know, I once dated a girl who was so ugly, (HOW UGLY WAS SHE?) that she had marks all over her from people poking her with a 10-foot pole.
I noticed that all the flags are flying at half-mast. Must be because the country is in mourning for the democrats winning control of Congress.
I heard that if you peed on your athlete's foot that the ammonia in the pee would kill off the athlete's foot fungus. Must be why certain people in our family never got jock-itch until they were 16...
Ya know, the health insurance industry is such a racket. They only want to insure healthy people, the people that don't need their insurance. Imagine if other agencies did that. This shows how ridiculous we have allowed the insurance industry to get. Imagine an insurance company calling 9-1-1:
"Hello? This is the insurance company. We have a mob of angry insurance customers rioting outside our office because of high premiums and limited coverage! Help us!"
"Ma'am, this is the police department and we only deal with calm, non-trouble-making people. We're sorry, there is nothing we can do to help you."
Or a mechanic:"Your car won't start? Sorry, we can only help you if your car is running smoothly."
Or a doctor:"Sorry, Mr. Dooley, I can only operate on you if your leg is NOT broken."
Speaking of that, my wife Shanon broke her foot over Christmas and we spent Christmas Eve and Christmas Day in the hospital. I tell people that she broke her foot off in my butt. (But she actually just fell down outside.)