Daily Headlines
Letters to the Editor
Article Archives
Election Coverage
Back to Main
Head Coach: Matthew Paul Cozza
Alias: MPC T.E. (tournament edition)
Expertise: FILM, Soccer, Ironing
Home City: Shorewood, Illinois
Likes: Well developed calf muscles, and pirates
Dislikes: Plastic baggies, warm milk, and wafers
Personal Web Page: 1835mm Films
Boyd, Oil Can
This dude is a serious bad-ass. Just look at him. Don't fuck with this guy.
Jesus
Hailing from the Holy Lands of Nazareth, Jesus is the moral support behind Team Cozza. He always makes the right calls on and off the field and is by far the most important player on the team.
Krang, with Android Body
The evil genius of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles fame has replaced Tetsuo as Team Cozza's evil go to guy. In his andriod body, he can't be stopped. Coach Cozza has yet to find a way to control him.
Quintano, Jesus
"Nobody fucks with the Jesus." Jesus Quintano is awesome at bowling. His latino flavor is so hott, that even the manliest of men fall to kiss his bowling shoes.
Van Peebles, Mario (aka Solo)
As captain and fearless leader of Team Cozza, Mario Van Peebles is the reason for Team Cozza's ability to laugh at itself hysterically. Solo is the best movie ever.
Wilkins, Dominique
If one thing is for sure, it's that no one can slam dunk like Dominique Wilkins. He led the Atlanta Hawks to several mediocre-to-good seasons and now provides the same dependable power to Team Cozza.
Williams, Pharell
No one defines cool better than Pharell. Right now he's in the studio producing Team Cozza's entrance and warm up music. Word is it's gonna be bounce. He's so hot, Coach Cozza has asked him out on several dates to 'discuss team business' but Pharell was not interested.
