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| Team Sam signs Kelly Kapowski to 1-yr deal. No-trade clause waived in favor of "no-clothes" clause. Other terms undisclosed. |
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| Against Penn. state orders, Team Sam coach Sam Hong acquires Penn State guard Kelly Mazzante's e-mail address. Penn State Univ. Police has been contacted. |
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| Adam Sedrowski gives birth to baby hippo. Born 28 pounds, and 12 ounces. Sedrowski is listed in fair condition. |
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| 6-year-old Dutch boy steals Coach Sam's Feyenoord soccer jersey and promptly flips off a global audience. |
| A dancing bear with a tambourine is better than a bear with no tambourine standing still. |
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| According to a recent survey, Latin singing sensation Ricky Martin is no longer considered "cool" by the Age 18-21 demographic category. Paul Jaquez, president of the AMLP (American Men for Leather Pants), strongly disagrees. |
| January 17, 2003 |
| January 20, 2003 |
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| January 22, 2003 |
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| Two unnamed fishes owned by the Daily 1835 pass away. The brave souls took separate trips to heaven on consecutive days. |
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| Local coaches prepare for the 2003 Coach's Ol' Fashioned Dancing Formal by practicing dances which include the moonwalk, and an Irish jig. |