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Pleeze aksept my aplikayshun fur conciduration fur martur uf da munf. I nefer thot I wud find myself inturing such a kontest, but az yew no, things awr bad arownd heer. I gotz sum mats in mine fur dat, becuz of my egstreemlee muskuwlur bild (sorta lyke da hooman Arnold Shwartzenagger), I cud not reech tew grum. I did twy my bezt, az yew kin see in dis pictyour (da hed is tew da lef, da tayle is tew da rite...): |
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Finelee, aftur tryin to chaise me down and cut and komb da matz owt hurself da Meowmie Williegurl gave up (I can owtrun hur an I kin BYTE tew!! she can scratch but Iz bettur at it!!) and told me eye wuz goin to da Booty Shoppe fur a furr do. Booty Shoppe MYE EYE, it wuz da vetz, and da tek had it in hur mynd dat she wuz goin to shaf me wif a buzzy shaffer and gif me a BAF. I thot no waye and chewed da hawlter, skratched, and bit dat gurl gud. Awl tew no avayle. Dey cawled da Meowmie fur purmishun tew put me ta sleepy fur da grumin and da Meowmie sed YES!!! Mine own Meowmie let da tek dew dis tew me!! Dey awlso gave me a BAF, juzt lyke dat kewt Pigwet haz tew haf efery week, poor gurl.Onda top uf efferything elze, a BAF !! And I aint no Hapi whin it kums to bafs.
Sew, I cumed home looking lyke Iz waz SKALPED and I iz still moztlee sleepin frum da nap-shot and smellin lyke a strangur tew da ufer kitteez bacuz uf da baf. Nokitty haz efur had to endur such hoomiliation. I am now nekked onda bak and awound da tayle. (See da tewwibul picyour below....) Liddul Willee wuz nyce and tooked cayre uf mee az yew kin see. Ifun I winz da kontezt I will shayre all stuffs wid him. Awl da ufer kitties haf been gud tew help me keep da bare bak warm awlso. Sew, i got a bare nekkid kold bak where once i had booteeful furs. Did I get tweets or da such? No, i got a sillee gurlee skarf wid pink kittees on it. In fact, I cud not eet fur a daye becuz uf da sleepy shot. Whyle I wuz at da sew kawled Booty Shoppe da Meowmie wint and bot da bigist new litturbox wifout askin nor tellin me; dis wuz anufer shok whin I waked awldaway up. Den juzt whin I thot things cud not get wurse she startz taykin pictyours uf mine bare nekkid kold bak ans showz dem awound da hole inturnet. She awlso thinks da bare nekkid Darlin' bak will bring gud luk if she feels it or sumfin an is awlwayz pettin dat bare spot, kind lyke sum peepul dew wida liddler peeple cawled dwarfz.Maybee shez juzt a purrvurt wif a kat bare nekkid bak fetish. Discustin, hoomilatun, unbeleefuble, mineown Meowmie !!! I shud haf nown that sumday it wud kom to dis whin she naymed me "Darlin' " insted uf a moor fiting nayme such az "Big Red". And ezpeshulee aftur da incidint in mine infansee az a tiny kittin whin she shut me inda kold fridgidator ofernyte whyle she slept inda warm bed. She haz no shayme dat Meowmie Williegurl !! I kannot efen eemagin whut iz next. Iz reely hopin Iz winz bacuz wee nefer gets any tweets heer egsept a mere tayste of wet fud acashunally an awl ower toyz iz owld. Fanku fur yur cunsidurashun, and fank awl of yew fur maykin DaFURR a playce where awl kittiez kan find da rezpect dey kommand az felines, and maybe win sum stuffs dey deserfs fur havin tew put up wif da stuf deez hoomanz kin think uf tew do tew uz nobul beezts. Heer iz Darlin' enjoying sum uf his winner'z rewardz: |
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Flat Polly |
Fuzzer |
Vancouver 4 |
Piglet |
Jacob |
Teddy |
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pizza pi |
Oliver |
Darlin |
Dominique |
Annie |
Dolly |
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Tell uz whut yoo thynk! |