Nate's Take
#1 SF.....I was a NYG here guy, but frankly after using the
niners for a whole season i've found the wonder that is michael carter. Carter
is so dominant its ridiculous. He can single handedly shut down a running game
and he's the best defender against the pass in the league (i'm biased) he's got
ridiculous speed and comes from a great position in the middle of the field
rather than lt coming from the bottom. There offense is obviously dominant and
some how crawford is a good returner. Though as a lifetime niners fan in real
life, i find that puzzling since the guy blew goats, but hey he's just like
fred young in that respect. Also with carter and lott there kickoff coverage is
great and they're passable at punting and field goal kicking.
#2 NYG.....Ummmm, their defense, uh, its pretty dang stellar. Unless you got
the niners the giants in the hands of a skilled craftsmen are lethal on d. You
can't return kicks, you can't kick field goals or extra points, basically other
than kicking off to them your kicking game is shut down for the whole dang
game. You have to score touchdowns against them to win, problem, its all but
impossible to go the whole distance of the field on them. If a smart player has
them and plays field goal position against you, YOU WILL LOSE!!!! But against
the niners the niners have the juice to score on em, and the juice to shut
their offense down. If the offense was more than decent, nyg would be hands
down the best, problem, they're offense isn't more than decent. Niners get the
nod.
#3 CHI......Ummm, payton run 1-good. Payton run 2-good. Pass 1 and 2-good.
Michael singletary-pretty darn good. The computer controlling hampton,
mcmichael and the gang-absolutely stellar. Gentry is ridiculously awesome at
kick returning. Their defense rocks, their offense is really good, and their
kick return game rules. Problem is you really need to be duersen or somebody
against the run, and their offense can be shutdown by a dominant D
team-(wash,nyg,niners).
#4 DEN....Its just unfair playing john elway, is arm rules, but even worse he
can run like a crackhead going to a mr. money. His speed out of the back field
just sucks, you play perfect defense guarding his receivers and BLOOOP he's
breaking a 10 yard run on yah. I put em ahead of cleveland because they got
three good defenders, not great, but three good defenders and most importantly
they're at three different positions on the field so you can really mix it up
and play matchups with em. Dorsett if he gets past you can fly, he can be
stopped up till the line of scrimmage rather easily but once he hits open
country, we'll see yah. Their kicking game leaves quite a bit to be desired but
hey, you got elway why you punting and kicking field goals anyway?
#5 CLE......Mcneil returing kicks as our league found out this season is a
beast. Mack popcorning computer controlled players is awesome. Problem is if a
human player has a fast defensive guy macks limited a bit. THe passing game is
mediocre at best but they run decent routes. Kosar can run a smidge. The defense
has one awesome safety on top, and one really good safety at the bottom. If you
can use matchups and play cat and mouse with your opponent the defense can be
lethal. If you pick the wrong matchup however you can get the ball moved on you
frequently.
#6 SEA.....I love seattle and wanted to put them up higher. If they had a good
kick returner they'd be like 4th or 5th. Krieg is not allowed to fumble which
already makes him better on the game than he was in real life. He can scramble
like crazy and the pass routes are good. Warner is a quality rb. He won't be
confused with bo or walter payton on this game, but he can do some stuff. He
can be shut down rather handily by a quality run stopper like lt or carter
though, so if you have a great defender you can shut down their run game.
Edmonds again sucks as a kick returner. As far as the defense goes, they have
fred young. Whose fred young? He's the most ridiculously over talented player
on the game. He can single handedly shut down a run game and if you don't have
pass routes that are spread out, he'll stop that too. In the hands of a skilled
craftsmen, you can score much on seattle.
#7 LA...Everyone knows about BO's run. Problem, Marcus allens can be just as
lethal. Sometimes if you get all the planets aligned properly, bo blocks for
allen run 2 and if he does, uh, see ya, touchdown!!! Surprisingly for as packed
as the formation looks on offense, their pass routes are pretty good too. They
have receivers going long, one going middle and one coming out of your butt,
its silly. Their defense isn't as bad as everyone makes it out to be, you have
to play matchups and choose the right time to use matt millen, adn the right
time to use howie long. Tim brown should be the best returner on the game, he's
just decent, and their whole kickiing game in general is all right, nothing to
write home about.
#8 MIA...Miami is here for one reason only-offense. Marino is brutal, his
throws are lazor beams which even the craftiest of defenders in the perfect
position have trouble snatching away from the receivers. The run game should
suck, but they block really well on it. The defense leave A LOTT to be desired.
But you can play enough cat and mouse using offerdahl on passing downs and
using different guys to defend the run. Their punt game rocks but the rest of
special teams is adequate at best.
#9 DAL....Lets see herschel right, herschel left! Sounds like a strategy to me.
They have two pretty good passing plays as well. Their kicking game is okay. I
think their defense gets a bad wrap cause though they have no team speed
whatsoever you can use jones, and downs pretty effectively. In the hands of a
master dallas is lethal, in the hands of a novice, their the 9th best team on
the game.
#10 MIN.....Contrary to popular opinion minnesota is not the worst team on the
game, and they shouldn't be for a beginner either. They have two quality
defensive guys in browner and doleman, but you don't need browner. Chris
doleman can pretty much shut down any run game on the game. He is also very
good in pass protection. He is against certain teams suceptible to being taken
advantage of on the top run, which is when you switch to browner and
everythings fine. They have, the second best returner on the game for my money
in carter. Which i could understand if his first name was chris but its not.
Their offense unfortunately has the reverse which is a waste of a play but its
better than the redskins reverse so their is that. Actually if you do a
downward arch with your player you can get 3-4 against most teams on that
reverse, its all about geometry. Their pass plays are good, they have good
routes, and the top run ain't bad. You play field position and return kicks
well and you can beat almost anybody. Problem is, if you don't do that, their
offense doesn't have enough juice for a long drive against ANY team.
#11 IND.... Their offense can be good but both pass plays suck and trudeau has
the slowest ball delivery on earth so even if you have a slow defender he
can get their in time to pick it off because trudeau throws it when your open,
and two days later when the paint is done drying on your house, the ball
finally lands. Dickerson is a scary player and his speed is tough, but if you
can get past his run game, get some play calls and or have a decent run
stopper, they're offense isnt half as scary as it should be because they can't
pass. Their routes are horrible. Worse yet, though bickett is a lot fast than a
lot of other guys in the league. He comes from so far down the screen he could
be the coach on the sideline. If you have a top receiver you can throw it their
all day long, he's also blocked on some run plays. I fear nothing indy has,
their offense sucks, and so does their defense. Defense is a bit better if you
mix it up between bickett and wilson the top safety.
12. WSH.... domiant defense, and unfortunately that is literally it. you don't
have to call run or have a good defender to shut down timmy smith or that awful
reverse play. Basically you should have a 50/50 chance of calling the right
pass play, and you shouldn't ever have to call a run play. Worse yet their
passing routes suck so they can't run and shouldn't be able to pass more than
5o% of the time. Barring a great return which is unlikely cause green sucks for
smoe reason on this game, they just cant score points. Their only shot at
winning is to keep it close, have their d pick off a pass in your territory and
kick a field goal to win 6-3 or 3-0. They suck.
Eric's Take
Scoring! Four categories, scored 1-5. (Playbook x 0.5) + (Offense x 1.5) + (Defense x 1.5) + (ST x 1.0) = Final Score
#1: SF
Playbook: 4 – With a QB like Joe Montana, you sorta must have three pass plays. However, being the fan of diversity that I am, I had to knock one point off (hey, I like two runs, what can you say?).
Offense: 5 – Joe Cool at the wheel, Jerry Rice going deep, some RB whose play I always call… er, I mean, who’s good. Sounds good to me.
Defense: 5 – Dammit, Ronnie Lott and Michael Carter are where it’s at.
Special Teams: 4 – Punting is good, kicking off is good, and returning kicks is good enough to put an awesome offense in decent field position.
Weighted Final Score: 5.25
#2: CHI Playbook: 5 – Two runs with Walter Payton, two good passes. Perfection.
Offense: 4 – Jim McMahon is OK, Walter Payton is great.
Defense: 4 – Mike Singletary has shown flashes of brilliance, and Dimitri Duerson is an underrated safety that can do some damage.
Special Teams: 5 – Excuse me, but did somebody say “Mr. Asshole”? He is the mizzan fo’ shizzan. Butler is the man at FG kicks. Everything else just falls into place.
Weighted Final Score: 4.875
#3: NYG
Playbook: 4 – Two runs, two passes; the runs are both good, the passes are fair (I’m not afraid of curl routes, and the top WR slanting on Pass 1 doesn’t deter me, either).
Offense: 4 – Phil Simms is a strong QB, Joe Morris has some fancy feet when he feels like it, and Mark Bavaro is the man at WR; the other WRs do their jobs fine.
Defense: 5 – What more needs to be said than “Carl Banks and LT”?
Special Teams: 3 – Landeta and Allegre are perfect punters and kickers, and they’re tough to return on; if McConkey could return a kickoff farther than 28 yards, then BOOYAH.
Weighted Final Score: 4.625
#4: IND
Playbook: 5 – Custom-made for Eric Dickerson, and rightfully so.
Offense: 4 – Three plays involving mad-man Dickerson? For fuck’s sake, they re-released the game just to put him in!
Defense: 4 – Bickett is good, but if you pass to the top, forget about it; he’s no LT, that’s for god damn sure.
Special Teams: 4 – Bentley returning kicks was a good idea. And Biasucci kicking FGs is damn good and scary, too.
Final Weighted Score: 4.625
(NYG gets the nod here because, well, fuck Bickett compared to LT)
#5: CLE
Playbook: 5 – Two runs for slow-but-popcorn-making Kevin Mack is awesome, and two passes with which I beat the hell out of MIN.
Offense: 4 – If Mack was a little faster, and Kosar was a little quicker on the trigger finger… plus, I couldn’t tell you the name of one WR, so they need to do some more work.
Defense: 4 – Minnifield and Dixon rule; it’s too bad they’re so far out.
Special Teams: 3 – McNeill is another “the man” and the rest, I think, will be all right; punts are only slightly an issue.
Weighted Final Score: 4.375
#6: SEA
Playbook: 4 – Two runs, two passes… good enough for me.
Offense: 4 – In the right hands, they can shake some shit up.
Defense: 4 – Fredd Young, once again in the right hands, can do the devil’s work. Fuck Fredd Young.
Special Teams: 3 – When I just don’t remember, I give out three’s like candy-coated razor blades at Halloween.
Weighted Final Score: 4.25
#7: LA
Playbook: 4 – Two runs, two passes; for fuck’s sake, look who’s running… their passes are OK but it looks like there are too many guys running into each other and such.
Offense: 5 – Bo. Allen.
Defense: 3 – Howie Long & Co. are serviceable, but I’ve seen better. Hell, I have better.
Special Teams: 3 – Just a stab in the dark, I’m really not sure.
Weighted Final Score: 4.25
(SEA gets the nod because Fredd Young did more last season than Bo and Allen)
#8: DEN
Playbook: 5 – WOW. Two runs for Tony Dorsett, AND the best pass in the game, AND a shotgun pass! Forget about it!
Offense: 5 – Elway + Dorsett + some of those WRs = 5.
Defense: 3 – Alright, here’s where things get shifty. I had more INTs with Karl Mecklenburg than God has custody of Nate Merz’s brain cells, yet I hate him. Rulon Jones can get his ass in gear, but he’s still at the line when I need him to snag a pass. Jim Ryan is butt-fucking evilly slow. There are no other options. Damn them.
Special Teams: 2 – Field goal kicking and punting is butt. They can also be run down, for the most part, when you return a kickoff against them.
Weighted Final Score: 4.125
#9: MIN
Playbook: 3 – WR Reverse is BUTT! Except…
Offense: 3 – … these guys, as opposed to WAS, can make their WR Reverse work! Other run is good, two passes are alright.
Defense: 4 – They wouldn’t have been undefeated for so long in our league without good defense. Browner and Doleman are to be feared and respected.
Special Teams: 4 – Anthony Carter & Co. are awesome, nuff said.
Weighted Final Score: 4
#10: MIA
Playbook: 4 – One run that’s almost devastating, and three passes including a shotgun. Definitely a QB’s playbook.
Offense: 4 – Marino and his laser-guided passes are hard to do anything about… unless you’re Mecklenburg and intercepting everything. Still better than good.
Defense: 3 – Heh. I’m surprised I gave it this high of a score. Offerdahl is OK, and everyone else is on the same plateau of sucktitude. However, they can work for you.
Special Teams: 3 – Pruitt is hellacious at all the right times. FGs are do-able, and everything else is OK.
Weighted Final Score: 3.875
#11: WAS
Playbook: 2 – I can make the passes work. The ONE run play is alright, considering who’s doing the running. But I can’t excuse this WR Reverse. F THAT!
Offense: 3 – RB is OK, QB is OK, and again, I can make the passes work, for the most part. Thank you, Gary Clark.
Defense: 4 – DOOOOOOM COMBOOOOOO! They will stomp your ass!
Special Teams: 4 – Great punter and field goal kicker. Also, you cannot run on them.
Weighted Final Score: 3.875
(MIA gets the nod over WAS because, umm, they’re MIA)
#12: DAL Playbook: 5 – Two runs, two passes; doing the running is Herschel Walker, so that’s huge, and one (I think) one pass, Herschel receives. Plus, depending on the rules of your league, you could Jew with Herschel on that pass all day (or twice in one game).
Offense: 3 – One Herschel Walker does not maketh a good offense.
Defense: 2 – If you can switch it up and just make the most of what you’ve got, then fine. Otherwise, it feels like you’ve got a thousand-pound weight on your thumb when trying to get these jokers to run and cover.
Special Teams: 2 – Just a guess, I really don’t know.
Weighted Final Score: 3