In brief . . .

Claims of pretentiousness on DUO dismissed as "exceedingly erroneous"

Dinner lady sacked over extra hash brown incident

Hollywood to hold "Collingwood Heroes and Villains" Oscar party; Danny DeVito as Steve Rayner

House hunting chaos: panic-stricken students sign up for 2-bed Ford Galaxy

Rumours Crab Mayonnaise sandwich stockpile is getting out of hand denied as one found in bag of crisps

"Infamy! Infamy! They've all got it in for me!" screams Rayner after last Gherkin issue

Loud, drunk, offensive student is "bloody nice bloke really"

"Gruelling" lecture timetable puts English student in Dryburn

Ron devastated at repeated election failures

Headache, memory loss and mysterious garlic kebab leads student to "alien abduction" verdict

JCR president John Barker condemns Hatfield and Castle's "axis of evil"