Toxin found in student house; UN inspectors sent in to investigate

Aunty Gherkin

UN weapons inspectors have been sent in to search the house of a group of Collingwood livers-out after the discovery of a potentially lethal virus found growing in a saucepan on the top of a large pile of washing-up in their kitchen.

"We are not in a position to dismiss such matters lightly," says Chief Weapons Inspector Hans Blix. "Deadly toxins are being found in the most unlikely of places, toxins which could potentially be used as weapons of mass destruction. For all we know, this group of students may be international terrorists."

If this is the case, the students in question are being deviously cunning regarding their terrorist activities; so far, the only behaviour reported by the UN inspectors in which the students have indulged is drinking beer continuously and endlessly watching daytime television programmes. The inspectors have thus far been unsuccessful in discovering any further lethal substances in the house; however, many have developed an unhealthy addiction to Bargain Hunt and have prolonged their search until they can find out if the 19th century mahogany nasal hair remover bought by the blue team will make a profit at auction.

Despite the lack of evidence implicating the group of students with Muslim extremists or other terrorist organisations, US President George W. Bush has expressed his determination to, should any further weapons be found, "nuke the whole Saddam-loving lot of them." On being informed that such action will in all likelihood wipe out the rest of Britain as well, Mr Bush is said to have remained "unconcerned."

"Oh, yeah, the mould," said one of the students vaguely on being questioned by the UN inspectors. "We were going to wash out the pan but we thought we'd keep it instead and see how big it would grow. It was kind of a house pet. We called him Terry. Hey, if you liked that you should see my friend Monty the fungus who's growing down the back of my bed."