Woo Hoo!! HAPPY NEW YEAR! I can't believe that it's already 2002. Where did 2001 go? The year just flew by. I hope everyone had a very good Holiday!! Now we start a new journey. Get ready for a ride of your life!
Click on the links below to browse my thoughts for the other months.
..--:: [M A R C H] ::--..--:: [A P R I L] ::--..--:: [M A Y] ::--..--:: [J U N E] ::--..--:: [J U L Y] ::--..--:: [A U G U S T] ::--..
..--:: [D E C E M B E R] ::--:: [F E B R U A R Y 2002] ::--..
..--:: [Home] ::--..--:: [A P R I L] ::--..
If you want to quickly browse this page, click below.
..--:: [First Entry] ::--..--:: [Second Entry] ::--..--:: [Third Entry] ::--..--:: [Fourth Entry] ::--..
..--:: [Fifth Entry] ::--..--:: [Sixth Entry] ::--..--:: [Seventh Entry] ::--..--:: [Eighth Entry] ::--..
..--:: [Nineth Entry] ::--..--:: [Tenth Entry] ::--..
01-02-02 :First off I would like to say HAPPY NEW YEAR! This is the time of the year where we most think about the things that happened to us. Some may be bad and some are good. Some could even be life changing. I didn't experience such a thing. I for once though would say that my year all around was great. I did have bad moments at the beginning but at the end I believe that it turned out good. I was HAPPY again for once. I didn't have to worry about a lot of stuff. I guess you can say that the last couple of weeks of December I was worry-free. I owe all of that to one person. Only I know who that person is. Maybe one day this person will get to read this and know how much I appreciate their company and know that their presence in my life means so much more than they could ever imagine. I don't want to sound dramatic or anything but I believe that this person is my GUARDIAN ANGEL. Just by talking to this person made me realize what kind of person I am and for the first time I'm learning more and more about me. The things that I never knew I liked or even knew about are all coming out. Just for a short while, this person has made me realized how much I've grown up and how much knowledge I have about life. I've never had someone appreciate everything that I have to say and actually take it as a learning experience. Actually, it goes the same way with this person too. I too learn a lot of stuff just listening to this person talk. It's like we both enlighten each other's mind. I guess you can say that we are both fascinated by what each other is thinking and the view that we take on it. I like that a lot in a conversation. I guess I just got so used of not really talkig about any specific issue and instead just fighting over the phone. I guess what I'm saying is that this person makes me grow as a person. I do believe in my heart that I have found a friend that I will cherish for life. That is hard to find sometimes and I've been blessed to find a few of them. Everyone should take a minute to appreciate everything and everyone that is part of their life.
Just got this one page from a guy while I was on Migente: AnOnYmOuS78
One heart, one soul, one mind,
and an empty passage creating this void.
Where both walls unite,
Moist lips secret the nectar I`ve longed to claim as mine.
Moist lips as your ecxtasy blooms`
The heart of an ignorant man desiring you.
Let me introduce myself into this empty
Passage of yours leading to the inside of your being.
Let me feel you from inside;
One Heart, One Soul, One Mind.
Share each others thoughts,
Unite eachothers minds,
And fullfill that empty path,
A long lost fantasy of mine
01-04-02 :The feeling of nothing seems to be going right. How could something that you thought was right for you turn out to be so wrong. How could the one person that you thought rescued you from all the pain only add to it. I believe that we all had been disappointed at one point or another in our lifetime and you would think that after the first one or so, you will get used to it. I was wrong, the disappointment still hurts. I guess it hurts more b/c you would think that you already learnt from the first time but still let yourself be in that situation.
Before I go, I have one word REBORN VIRGIN I guess that`s two words huh. It`s just a little something between me and my friend hehehe
01-06-02 :I think the whole idea that a new year has started got me thinking a lot about everything. First, it got me thinking what ever happened last year. Last year just went by so quickly. What have I learnt from last year or the years before. I would say too much. Right now reading newpapers they have all sorts of horoscopes to tell you how your year is going to be. I never really believed in those things but I guess now I`m starting to think more and more about them. People say that the start of a new year is getting rid of the old and in with the new. Sometimes the old is what you are most comfortable with. Have you ever gotten to the point in your life where you start thinking about the significance of everyone you associate yourself with? I believe that at one point or another we will have to make a choice who we will keep in our life and who we won`t. The question is, how will you know which ones to keep and which ones to get rid off. I think it all depends on what your heart says. The scary part though is finding out that the one you thought was right and kept was totally the one you should have gotten rid of. I guess it`s the risk we should take right. Now it`s a matter of whether we have the nerve to actually say to that person, "I WANT YOU". What if the don`t feel the same way? What do we do then? Arrggh confusions!! Never a good thing right at the beginning of the year.
..--:: [Back to Top] ::--..
01-10-02 :Today I finally got intouch with the co-ordinator of my program. I wish i didn't though. I just found out that I wasn't able to take the course that I wanted because the class was already full and I will not be able to take it until next January. Damnit, it doesn't seem like anything is going my way. Work sucks like always b/c I have a stupid manager, now even school isn't going right for me... why is it that way? Why can't something right just go in my life? So what do you think I did to ease my little delema, if you guessed then you are right. That is certainly what I did. In less than an hour I have spent a little over $200. What the heck I figure that should have been money that I lost by taking that course anyways, so I might aswell spend it on ME right. It did make me feel a little better while shopping but right now I feel that I shouldn't have. I believe that everything happens for a reason and I believe that this is happening for a reason..I guess deep down I'm not really ready to finish and start working full time, I don't know. See it's weird b/c before I even talked to my co-ordinator, I already had the feeling that he will tell me that the course is already full and that I can't take it. I swear I hate it when my feelings are always right. Oh well, I guess I'll see them next semester.
01-11-02 :The thing ppl do to show they love the person they are with. Most often ppl mis-interpret how individuals show love. Some may say that if their partner showers them with gifts then they must really love them. Others on the other hand don't need to buy their partners lots of gifts to show how they feel about them. Personally, I don't need need someone to spend lots of money on me to show me they care. All I need to know is that they are always going to be there for me no matter what. I need them to support me with every decision that I make and trully understand me inside and out. Sometimes it takes a lifetime to really get to know someone, but really all we need is just a few hours talking to them to know exactly who they are. I believe that if you take the time to understand and listen, you will know more than you think possible. I believe that at one point or another, we will come to the point in our life where we will want different things. Now what I want out of a relationship are all the emotional part. Just knowing that the person is there for me and giving me their unconditional love is enough. Knowing that they are doing everything they can to make things right and make the both of us happy is enough. Why do you say am I talking about Love. I think I was inspired last night. It really got me thinking about past relationships and what cost them to deteriorate. All the mistakes. I guess with every person the comes into our lives we learn a few things here and there. No matter how things turned out, I don't regret ever being with those ppl b/c if i wasn't with them, I don't think I would have learnt as much things as I know now. Being with them made me the person who I am today. They helped me grow up and for that I am thankful to them. Everyone of them will always have a place in my heart and in my mind. They are always going to be a part of me like I'm always going to be a part of them.
..--:: [Back to Top] ::--..
01-13-02 :This week-end was fun. It was the only week-end that I had off work from Friday all the way through Tuesday. Talk about a 5 day week-end. Yeah it was sweeeeet! Since this was the only time that I know I will ever have this schedule I figure I plan something to really make it special. I figure since I haven't gone clubbing with my girls for the longest time, I will go ahead and ask them. See the plan was it was just the girls to go out but then my sister wanted to bring some of her friends too to make it a little bit more fun. This was the first time that I was actually going clubbing with her friends that is considered as a real club and I would have to say that it was fun. The music was good, the people was good. The first time that we didn't have losers trying to dance with us ehehehhe. The only thing that was bad though would be the fact that they didn't even play Reggae the whole night. I mean we stayed there until like close to 3 and they still didn't play it. I should've known b/c around 1:30 they would have played it already but at 2 there was no sign of it at all. Other than no reggae, the night was still fun. I would have to say that me feeling down on Thrusday is all gone. My friends were all there to cheer me up and lift up my spirits. I'm so happy that they were there to do that. Me love you guys!
Today since I was home the whole day, I came across my old photo album from 3 years ago. It's so sad how I started that album with a picture of me from my neice's funeral. Looking back at all the pictures brought me back to that time. How I wish she was still here and how grown up she would have been already. Going through the pages also brought me back to the good old times with my friends and when we were all still getting to know our boyfriends and not having to worry about full time jobs and just concentrating on having fun. Looking through the pictures got me thinking of all the people who I don't see or talk to anymore. I remember the relationship I had with that certain individual and wondered what happened to it. It got me thinking which person in the pictures that I have now that I will look back on 3 to 5 years from now and wonder where they are now and what they are doing. I thought about what could have changed things from how it was then to how it is now. It's funny how things change over time. It's true what they say that everything happens for a reason. I believe that we are meant to meet the people that we have met and was part of our lives to help us grow and if it's not meant for them to stay,then they will slowly drift off. I've had many ppl drift in and out of my life and each one I will say has taught me something valueable about life and for that no matter if we departed badly I will always be thankful to them for enlightening my world.
..--:: [Back to Top] ::--..
01-16-02 :Today was my first day coming to work after a five day week-end. I just found out what my schedule was like for the next week. I wanted to get the saturday off but unfortunately i can't b/c that is the only time that I actually have 8 hours to work. Gotta make up for all the times that I've been missing you know. Anyways, now I'll be working at two stores, well, just two branches of the same company. It's aight with me as long as I get hours. But today as usual I WENT SHOPPING. This time from my other favorite store Jacob. I got me a matching sweater and a purse. I wanted the long sweater/jacket but I figure what the heck I already have 2 of them so why get a third one right. I got crap from my sister again for buying a new purse, but what can I do, I don't have that color yet and I don't have that style yet. Besides, I don't think 20 purses actually defines me as being obssessed with purses does it? Really I only go shopping when I'm depressed. Right now, I feel kinda bad b/c I feel lonely. How bad is that? Right now it's so cold in my brother's room that I'm actually typint with gloves on. Now I look ghetto. Anyways, I feel lonely b/c it doesn't seem like there is anyone there for me right now. I want to smile and laugh and joke with someone but there is no one there. I know my friends are always there but I want a new face. I don't know maybe I'm just asking way too much from everyone. All I want is to be happy though :(
I got one good story today. It happened at work and it was hella funny. That made my day. One of my co-worker is Indian and there was this little kid who bought boots from work and she was wearing it out. Right before she was coming out the store, my co-worker said "Wow nice bootie!". When I heard that the first thing that came to my head was bootie meaning bum and I started to laugh. I told him after and he started to laugh. I told him that next time just say boots or something b/c the parent might think he's talking about butts ehehehhe. But yeah that was the highlight of my day. I believe that was the first time I actually got a smile on my face :)
..--:: [Back to Top] ::--..
01-20-02 :This week-end was hella fun. Although I didn't get to go to and see BabyBlue Sound Crew in Mac on Friday, I did spend some quality time with my sister. She has been dying to see Lord of the Rings and I figure what the heck it doesn't seem like I'm doing anything tonight and she did come out with me on Saturday, I agreed to watch it with her. She went and got me after work at 9:30 and we were suppose to catch the 10 o'clock show but the line up was so damn long that 10 after 10 we were still in line. So we ended up just watching the 11 o'clock show. The movie was good though even though it was 3 hours. It was actually funny b/c 2 hours into the movie, I heard someone snooring. I don't know how anyone can sleep in that movie since it was exciting. I can't wait to see the next 2 movies.
Yesterday after such a long time I went bowling. This time I was with my sister and her friends. It was good. I don't think I've ever bowled so good in my whole life. We were there for 2 hours. My friend met us there after and brought some friends too. I even saw some of my cousins there as well. It was so funny b/c of all places where I would see them it's in a bowling alley. It was so good to see those guys again since it has been awhile since I last seen them. I guess yesterday is just another addition to one of my most fond memories.
01-27-02 :Why is it so hard to accept that you have made a mistake about your perception of a certain individual? Is it so hard to say NO to someone that you need to avoid them. I mean if you don`t want to see them or talk to them, why do you need to avoid them, why not just come right out & say it. I know it`s mean to do but it`s better that we are all upfront about what we feel other than leaving that individual in the dark & make them wait for something that will not happen. I guess we just don`t say mean things like "I don`t want to talk to you" or "I don`t want to see you" b/c we want to leave a good impression to that person. It`s hard to have enimies b/c you never know when there will come a time when you will need the help of that person. But isn`t it still better to say what you feel other than leaving that person hanging and expecting something.
Why is it that everytime I let someone into my life it always goes wrong? Why is it that they always seem do everything wrong after I start to give their presence meaning? Why do the ppl that we thought care about us hurt us? Some do it unintentionally and others just do it to get out of the situation they are in. Why is it that when we start caring for someone, they turn around and hurt us? Does that mean they don`t return what we feel about them, or do they simply do it b/c they are unaware of their actions? Why is it that I`m not good with change? Why is it that I want everything to stay the same? Well, this is what say "If it ain`t broken, why fix it?". Why can`t the good things we have in our lives ever stay the same? Why does everything good have to go bad & why so soon? Too many questions left unanswered. Maybe I already know the answer to them, it`s just hard to accept them right now. It`s never good to be in the state of mine that I am in right now, it`s like I`m questioning everything around me. I even question myself sometimes about what my purpose is in this life of mine. I need to get away from all of this! Can someone please take me away. Blah blah blah.. I don`t want to hurt. I want to be happy again & content! I want things to go back the way they are! Could it? Is it possible? STOP THE MADNESS!
last nights events -- first our we went to my friend`s son`s first birthday, the baby is the cutest baby you are ever going to lay eyes on. he`s a mini-me of his daddy and it`s so cute. after that we hit 108. the club was aight, the music is better but dang they don`t play reggae. WHATS UP WITH THAT! anyways, it sucks to have ppl bump into you & they don`t even care. i don`t think today was he time they should be bumping b/c i`m ready to get me some action and kick some *bleep*. gotta get the anger out somehow right. yeah anger towards someone redirected somewhere else. but it`s aight my girls got my back & they were trying pull me away. it was all good..
01-28-02 : Ever had the feeling about something that you aren`t quite sure about & when you get the answer it hurts? Well, I just had one question that I had answered. It`s not the answer that I was looking for but I guess it`s better that I found out other than not knowing right. I should have believed what my gut was telling me. I guess I already knew the answer, it`s just that I was on denial. Now I won`t be anymore! I just don`t understand how someone who told you that they were going to be there for you when you need a friend will do such a thing that will hurt you. I mean if they told you that they were your friend and all, then why couldn`t theytell you that they don`t want to talk to you anymore. Either that or they were just lying when they told you about how they feel. I HATE LIARS! I hate them with a passion. I can`t believe that I will actually know someone who will lie to me. I thought i knew ppl better. I guess I was wrong. I`ve never been wrong about anyone before, I guess there is always the first.I was always so sure that before I let anyone in my life, I will make sure that they will not hurt me. I guess I let this one in too fast that whatever Ithought they were, they really weren`t. It`s funny how your perception about someone can change in such a short time. I guess this person wasn`t showing me their true self and now the real one is coming out. All I can say is that I`m very disappointed with how things turned out. I thought it was going to be a beautiful thing, but I was wrong. Too bad! Life goes on and now who gives a syet!
..--:: [Back to Top] ::--..
