Dateline: New York, NY In less than one hour the 2005 CDFL season will be upon us. The league boasts 12 powerful, well-balanced teams. Eight of these 12 will reach the playoffs and play in the league's "second season". There are definite favorites such as Tempe, Wilmington and Seibu, but this reporter points out a few dark horses to watch out for. First, Sexy Mama 69. Was the rest of the league on autodraft? How do they allow a team to take Marc Bulger, who has the weakest schedule and one of the best offenses in the league AND Shaun Alexander AND Ahman Green AND Curtis Martin??!! Wake up CDFL Owners! I also think this is the year that Moscow will finally break through to the playoffs. Trent Green and Edgerrin James form a quality tandem that will win at least 9 games for the Maulers this season. The wide receiving crew will give defenses fits too. Another team that has potential and is my sleeper pick is the Hayashi Silver Dragons. I look for Moscow to defeat them this week, but they have several guys capable of big seasons. LaDainian Tomlinson will be the main focus. If Clinton Portis and Kerry Collins can rebound, and wildcards such as Kurt Warner and Marshall Faulk put up numbers that GM Mark Trollinger is expecting, this team could be very dangerous come December. It will be an exciting, action packed three months.
Are you ready for some football?!

Dateline: Atlanta, GA The 2005 CDFL seasons begins six days from today. CDFL Insider has selected a dark horse to emerge as a serious playoff contender this year. In a season where competition will be tight and anything can go, a team needs an edge to stand ahead of the competition. As we saw last season, the Silver Dragons had zero luck and no edge. Moscow overcame a huge hole at the beginning of the season then piled on the wins, only to run out of luck during the final two games. CDFL Insider has tabbed Andi's Dandys (formerly the Cleveland Steamers) as a potential break through team this season. Why will the CDFL protege win? Is it second year QB Eli Manning? Probably not. A combination of RB Priest Holmes and WR Terrell Owens? Possibly. The emergence of RB DeShaun Foster and RB Tatum Bell or the support of a highly improved Kansas City Chiefs defense? That will help.

Andi's true edge comes from above. The young preacher's daughter was originally beside herself. When the letter arrived stating that her opportunity to become a foreign exchange student for her senior year was dashed, she was down. She half-heartedly turned back to the CDFL and the comfort of new friends. With the name change suggested by GM Mark Trollinger of the Silver Dragons, she did not have a mascot. How could she rally the fans and win support without a fan and what exactly is a Dandy? Not a Jim Dandy from Friendly's. The answer came on a family trip to Indiana. While visiting Notre Dame University, she was inspired by the school and student body. Like a beacon of flight, the answer called: Touchdown Jesus! Yes, this season Andi will use her father's connections and summons the power of the Almighty on the sorry asses of the CDFL opponents. She especially has circled a date with Hayashi as payback for the bet last season that cause her to expose her supple assets. Yes, Touchdown Jesus will reign upon the fields of Hayashi as he once did Sodom and Gamora. Beware, league owners! Watcha gonna do when the Messiah of the Gridiron comes calling for you?!

Hayashi / Chandler, AZ(AP): The 2005 - 2006 CDFL Season kicked off with
the annual live draft on Yahoo this morning at 11:00 am ET.

Dateline: San Diego, CA & Seibu, Japan Tim Brehm held a press conference today to make an unexpected announcement, his new team the San Diego Illegal Immigrants was being disbanded. As you may remember, Brehm's team had called Japan home over the last two seasons, as the Banzai Bombers in 2003 and as the Banzai Kamakazi in 2004. However, Brehm moved the team back to the states for 2005 and settled into beautiful San Diego. He renamed the team the Illegal Immigrants in honor of the largest population in San Diego. The excitement about his new team soon began to tarnish though. Brehm has brought in a largely Hispanic front office staff, cheer-leading squad, scouts and players. However, the language barrier was soon to be Brehm's smallest problem. It seems the front office had forged most of the players papers which allowed them to work in the US. Once the U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services (formerly the INS) caught wind of Brehm's team, they swarmed in like a plague of locusts. In the end Brehm had only two choices, move the team to Mexico or disband the franchise. As Brehm has had bad experiences with Mexican water and prostitutes, he chose to disband the team. However, after long meetings with CDFL Commishioner Mark Trollinger (also the Hayashi Silver Dragons owner), Brehm decided to start again in Japan with a new team, the Sebu Samauri! In a public announcemennt in Seibu, Japan, Brehm stated "I am very happy and proud to be returning to Japan! The fans here have been great and my rivalry with Hayashi will remain strong with my presence in Japan. Plus the hoes here are hot and better than those in Mexico. At least these bitches don't have crabs or suck off donkeys!" Brehm's Seibu Samauri will play their first season in the Seibu Dome, 30 minutes west of Tokyo. Brehm has accepted a minor partner in Yoshiaki Tsutsumi, the president of the Seibu group and one of the world's wealthiest men. Brehm also announced the front office will be headed by Tomouki "The Tomonator" Tanaka, also a graduate of URG. Asked about his feelings after being brought on to the team, The Tomonator said "Excuse me a moment, I'll Be Back..." but he never returned to finish the interview. ---end---

Chris Komandt, owner and founder of The Shakers; a charter team of the CDFL, and one of it's most legendary franchises announced today some sweeping changes of his franchise, that will most assuradly create shock WAVES throughout the league. He officially announced the team name change confirming rumores reported on EPSN last week by John Clayton. THe team formerly known as The North Coast Shakers, has changed it's name to The Great Lakes Shakers. This change was made in accordance to demands being made by the team's new head coach. In it's history, the shakers have had many caoches, from Scott "Disco" Wallace, to Squirrel the Archon, and "Wild Bill Medly", but Mr. Komandt has never had a general manager take over primary responsibilities of the team. That is until now. Mr. Komandt expressed frustration over the last 2 seasons, saying "after we one our championship, it just hasnt been the same, and I have no problem bringing the right people in to get the job done". He then stunned the press conference audience by introducing the team GM, who appeared from out of nowhere in a cloud of smoke. None other than C. Montgomery Burns, famed, respected, worshiped yet loathed by some billionaire. Mr. Burns adressed the stunned crowd with a sly, devilish grin stating "I'm proud to be a part of the piddly little rink a dink team, I was brought here to make chamions out of these creampuffs. As my first officail act as General Manager, I'm bringing in sombody that put the fear of God into these lazy bottom feeders. Not just the fear of one God - the fear of all the Gods; litteraly a God himself". He then introdused the New Coach of the Great Lakes Shakers, who appeared from the heavens over Lake Erie..........."King Neptune - God of the Seas". Neptune bellowed from the heavens "I share the same winning attitude and commitment to destroy all other teams in the league that our owner & GM posses. I will do everything in my powers to motivate my team, and take us to the chanpionship level". Among the questions coach Neptune was asked, regarded the type of offense the shakers would be running this year; after a few lightening bolts, and large waves hit newly renamed TIM DWIGHT STADIUM, Neptune bellowed "we will be running the Coast offense". It was also a suprise to see Shaker stadium renamed TIM DWIGHT STADIUM (the most legendary Shaker hero of all time, who is treated like a God himself) seeing as how Mr. Dwight hasnt even retired yet.

The 2005 - 2006 draft was originally slated to take part in person at Columbu's Homewood Suites Hotel. Next it was moved to a private location secured by Tim Brehm. It then moved to an online draft at Yahoo. General Manager Mark Trollinger moved it to online at ESPN, but when Moscow's Ed Rollins couldn't log on, it was decided to move back to Yahoo. The date and time changed a few times as well.

Bodily harm threats to Trollinger and smack talk ensured. The draft was finalized as Saturday August 20, 11am on yahoo. The end results were satisfactory, but the season started off on an unorganized note.

2005 Regular Season Schedules