COMPLETED REPORTS
A loud, raucous cheer erupts from the main hall of the building, and then someone shouts: "Well done mate, we've been after that bugger for months!" Curious, you step inside. Various members of the guild are celebrating after a tough and long-running mission has been completed. A prefect walks up to you and takes you by the shoulder. "Come and listen to what this lad's done. He's only a beginner you know!"
Want to send in a report or a mission? The address is:
GUILD AREAS:
MISSION 1 : REMSTER : 15 DOLLARS
"Well gee I guess this is just gonna be toooo easy." I thought to myself. So I accepted the mission from my superior. He says I have only today to do it because someone else will beat me to it. Well that suits me fine. I've got plenty other things to be doing anyway.
I see him wondering, apparently aimless but to the trained eye looking for something. So I decide to find out. Dressing myself up as a humble servant, I ask him whether he is a guest of the Guild, and if so then would he like to stay for dinner? And if he already is, then what would he like to eat? And my name's Bill. "What's yours?" I ask him. I talked so much that there was no way he could suspect me of being even a shite assassin since we are so quiet - we stealth. We do *not* go up to their face, have a chat, then kill them. Until now. Or soon, at least.
Anyway, I eventually let the poor bugger answer me. It turns out that he is a tourist to Ankh-Morpork. Strange, I thought, the only one I am even vaguely aware of is Twoflower from the faraway lands by the Golden Sea and so on. Hmm. (I feel so light for some reason..it really is quite Fantastic!)
"A tourist you say. What makes you come here?"
"Well," he answered, "I've been all over the disc and I thought I'd conclude my trip here. I saw this fantastic guild building, and, well, just thought I'd satisfy my curiosity and have a butcher's."
"Oh. Well well well that is fine that is so if youz just likes to come this way I can show you something really fine."
"Ah. Thank you. I think."
"Right you are sir."
I decide to keep this one to myself and away from the other assassins as they might try to steal the claim. So, taking him to the brightest corridor I could find, just to really throw him off any scent he might be sniffing (a dark and mysterious one might be obvious) I continue the conversation.
"So, what d'you think of my home?" I ask. "It is fantastic. I am really curious to find out more about the assassins - who they are, why they do what they do, and so on."
"Well, from what I have gathered, it's a job."
"Oh - is that *it*?"
"As far as you're concerned it is, yes."
I take the dagger from my overalls, shaking slightly as this is my first job and look him straight in the eyes. It's at this point that my cruelty extends further, for as he turns to bolt it, my foot is stuck out and he unceremoniously hits the brightly lit stone corridor wall.
"Bloody ouch," he mutters, slowly getting to his quivering feet. To which I retort, "Curiosity, dear boy, has killed the cat." Taking my knife to his throat, I knee him in the groin for the hell of it and finish him off with a terrible joke, so terrible that I dare not say it out loud. But just to make sure, I stab him in the belly as well. I check his pockets for the pen and paper needed to make it clear who killed the git and find a treasure of his home-made maps of the buildings.
So I take them, sign them (under his signature) with my name to say I killed him, and leave them with Lady Downey's secretary.
It turns out that he was from the Shades, and in communication with what may be a fake Assassin.
Oh, and the body? You might find it somewhere on the river if you look hard enough.
RULES OF ASSASSINATION
Or you could go
MISSION 2 : REMSTER : 15 DOLLARS
You know, I can get so annoyed when I think of all the fuck-ups some mere students can make. I as Prefect I suppose should be one who clears up their more major mistakes. Oh well never mind. Shouldn't take too long to sort this one out. I was out on the streets and gossip was that it was that fat bastard Sergeant Colon, wheezing after a panicked student assassin who realised his reputation would have completely run to ruin had he been caught by the most reluctant of Watchmen.
I guess I'll just wait until it gets dusky - just before his 1856 tea break.
It's now 1855, and he's not here. Oh no, I am mistaken - he is the blob that
is cutting out all the light in this sorry alleyway. Oh, he's alone. Hmm.
Nobby must be behind him a bit. Okay. No bother. Oh yes, this *will* be a
good laugh.
Here he comes, waddling along like the duck that has eaten far too much
bread and realises it too late. I won't bother killing him - he's too much
entertainment for that.
You can almost shut out the noise he makes if you close your eyes hard
enough and think of tons of Music With Rocks In. Long time since that that
was around.actually, what *was* that? I don't seem to remember.anyway.back
to Fatty.
I let the big guy pass me by, and then I do as instructed. I basically spring like a frog and cling to his back in the same way someone would do were they to be given a piggy-back. What next? I think to myself. Hmm. Why not threaten him? Nah. Instead I simply murmur the words, "No more food for your tummy tonight.you've been a naughty boy," the thought of no food sending him into a frenzy. Funny - he wasn't aware I was there until I spoke softly in his ear. Looks like I got him nicely.
"And by the way," I add, "if you are still curious about the failed assassination attempt, remember what happened to the metaphorical cat."
"Which one?" he asks back.
Mildly surprised, I decide the direct approach.
"The dead one."
"Oh.umm.shit."
"Have a good night :"
With that I leave him to waddle away into the depths of the Watch House. And Nobby? Oh he saw Colon in a little bother and chose to happen to have just walked out of the alley. Backwards. And not afraid. At all. I decide to glare at him before disappearing in front of his eyes. They were closed mind you, but I did so anyway.
MISSION 3 : ALISTAIR LAWRENCE : 8 DOLLARS
"Go and get those daggers from God Street!" Screamed Lady Downey. "Err..." I said. "Where, exactly, in God Street?"
"How am I supposed to know? Just go and find them!" Not wanting too hang around when Lady Downey was in a mood, I rushed back to my dorm, to await nightfall.
When it arrived, I decided to cut across the roof of The Fools Guild, to get to God Street. "Well I might as well start at the top of the street and work my way down," I thought. So I started at the post office. Fortunately the Watch didn�t seem much of a problem. Hardly any of them saw me and the ones that did, pretended they didn't.
An hour after I set off, I found the daggers. They were in Leonard of Quirm's house, you could see them from the window, but you could also see hundreds of caltraps glinting in the moonlight. The window seemed safe enough, so I slipped on a pair of priests, took a diamond tipped compass out of my pocket and cut a hole out of the window. Once inside I noticed a strange smell, it was- no, it couldn't be. I grabbed a pair of tweezers out of my pocket and picked up one of the caltraps. Some evil bugger had covered all the caltraps in bloat. I'd only ever seen it once and that was in class, it was way, too expensive for me to afford, so I picked up as many caltraps as I could with the tweezers and put them into a glass phial. And that was it. I grabbed the box of daggers, left the house via the window, took of the priests and went, silently, back to the guild.
MISSION 3 : EZAKIAL : 8 DOLLARS
Reading through some old reports I came across this one stating that the stash of daggers had been found in Lenoard da Quirm house. Not possible I thought to myself. Anyone whose anyone knows that Leonard is ** *** ******* ** *** ********** ****** (censored as this information could be deadly in the wrong hands), safely locked up. So of this I thought that I should look in to the mission myself to see weather this mission had been carried though properly. I sought permission of one of the master assassins to reinvestigate the mission. "And why would you want to do that?" He asked, "The lad did a good job in getting those daggers from God Street."
"Sir, its because I believe that there may be another stash of daggers in the street, as he stated that he found them in Leonard da Quirm house. Everyone knows that he has not been scene in years sir." I didn't want to give away my information, or lead anyone to its source (namely a drunken pair by the names of Sgt Colon and Corporal Nobbs).
"Very well then, go and see if you can find anymore of these daggers which he brought back with him."
"Yes Sir, thank you Sir." And with that I went on my investigation of God Street, of course via the rooftops and alleyways. I entered God Street at the tops end and started to work my way down towards the other end. After an unsuccessful search of the street and the adjoining alleys, I decided that there were either no more daggers, or that the daggers were being stashed indoors. After an unsuccessful two hours of searching though the rooms above street level, my eye was caught by a gang of men emerging from a lockup. I quickly scurried up to the roof and along to were the men were coming out of the building. I trained my acute vampire hearing onto their conversation. "The Boss will be please with this hall, hey lads!"
"Yeah! Right you are Murry, Chryophase will be pleased." Chryophase's goons? I thought to myself, what would they be doing with here? And what was there hall that they had?
"Right, Burt you lock up and we will collect these in the morning."
"Okay Murry. But I still cannot believe that the fools who took the daggers that we planted in that room thought that they were the real stash."
"Yeah, well you know what the Boss said about us planting a false stash so that those who found it would be thrown of the scent."
"Well we better get going then before someone spots us."
"Yeah! Like the Watch!"
"Ha Ha, thats a good one Murry, lets go." They then locked up the warehouse and left moving down the streets and ending up in Treacle Mine lane.
When they had gone I went down to the entrance of the lockup and proceeded to extract my roll of lock-picks from my pouch and open the door. I managed to get the door open quickly and I slipped inside. To my surprise the whole room was filled with weapons, not just daggers but swords, crossbows, flails, morningstars, and even collapsible spears and one of Miss Band's exploding bustles. "Flipping heck, I thought these things were banned!" I exclaimed to the
world at general. Thinking fast I grabbed what I could carry and travelled back to the Guild
building as fast as I could. I ran into the hall and grabbed the nearest Master Assassin, who turned out to be the one I got the permission from earlier. "Sir I've found I huge stash of weaponry in God Street!" I told him as I offloaded my gathering of prizes onto the floor in front of him. " I'm going to need help to bring it all back to the Gild Sir!"
"Calm down lad, tell me were you found them."
"In a lockup, about halfway down the street, we'd better hurry as they are coming to collect them in the morning."
"Don't worry about it, I'll get some people together to help you."
A while later, I found myself leading a squad of assassins to the lockup and
transporting my find back here to the Guild. It's because of the Exploding
Bustle that you find me here giving this report in person my Lady, as they
thought that I should tell you in person. Now can I go as there still more to
bring back and I want to help.
By the way, when do I get paid again?
MISSION 5 : REMSTER : 22 DOLLARS
Well this is the story about how his life got twisted round. Before you get done for copyright infringement I'll leave it there.
This story begins, most unusually, on a dark, stormy, but most importantly of all, humid night; the kind where somebody passes wind most distastefully and it lingers for a good half an hour.
His name was, or is, rather, knowing the nature of life in Ankh-Morpork, Shady Pom-Pom. Not a very shady name, but his nonetheless. He was also the sort of person whom you might find selling washing machines in the day time but leading a very different lifetime by night. By night, ironically enough, he was known by his, shall we say, associates, as The Ray Of Light In An
Otherwise Dark Plaice. From the name one can rightly enough presume that he is of an oriental nature, and hangs around the kind of people that find more wisdom in a cookie jar than one might find lurking in a classroom full of teachers. Nothing new there then. The pun on 'Plaice' is a pun that only the raven could explain to you - die and ask Susan for instructions on where to find the aforementioned creature. Not even he nor they quite know why they use that pun. But there we go. That's UHT as they say.
Shady Pom-Pom sees a likely victim and walks up to him. Sadly, however, it turns out to be C-M-O-T Dibbler selling what can only be called remains of a very bad meal indeed, "inna bun", which makes it all right. Everyone supposes. When talking to anyone else about his cuisine.
"Wok-arr, Gweetings Dibbler. How's twade?"
"Not too good tonight. A speciality too - want some, urr, stew-inna-bun?"
"I fink I will leave vis for tonight fank you. Anyway. Ummm."
"Nice, tonight, isn't it?"
"If you say so. Yes."
"Right then. I'll be off. See you later, maybe."
"Indeed."
Shady and CMOT at that point parted ways, and any body can understand why. Spirits can't because they can't smell CMOT. But that is beside the point. It's his 'food' that smells so bad you can't bear to be near it; at least you can get used, eventually, to a person's aroma. Except maybe that of Foul Ole Ron.
"buggrit buggrit."
"Wok-arr, gweetings beggar."
"buggrit buggrit. Spare a few pennies?"
"wok-arr, no, arr, sowwy. No can do vere."
"buggrit buggrit. I'll bug you till you (buggrit buggrit) gimme some. buggrit."
"oh, all wight then. Now BUGGER OV YOU FOUL PIECE OF.OF.FINGS."
"heheheheh."
And so it was that Foul Ole Ron had succeeded in getting pennies off victims in exchange for the privilege of being left alone.
Anyway, Shady turned towards the Shades, a nasty part of Ankh-Morpork at the best of times. And there - a lonely character. Pulling out a very thin blacked out blade, Shady carefully moves towards the solitary figure. Suddenly it all seems so quiet. Nobody is around, even to the clothed eye. You can smell death a pace away.
Just not here, that's all.
"Ah. Hello mum."
"hello darling Cuthberty-werty."
"my fwends call me Shady by day and Ray by night. Don't call me that again. Pweese."
"oh, darling, can you open the letter for me?"
"why, yes, mum. Vats why I bwart my blade wif me."
Cuthbert Pong's mother was in fact a very gorgeous woman, and not a woman of the night by profession. She liked to see it as by choice, anyhow.
"how is your invisible friend, then, Fishy?" his mother asked. "he is NOT invisible. Everyone can see him if they want to, it's just that he is blind so if he can't see you then he thinks that you can't see him and he's right. Cos it's true. So there."
"Ah. Yes. The illegal invisible highly infamous assassin of the Shades."
"Mum!"
"I told the guild about this. They've sent someone after you."
"what???"
and very soon after that was said a very hysterical assassin made too much silence for her own good and got stabbed by an assassin staying alive the Guild way. His clothing: Black. His name: Fererro Remster Rocher.
And watching a two faced Shady later stalk CMOT with a special nose-plug, the aforementioned assassin decided simply that enough was enough and used the cunning knee-inna-groin CMOT-style attack followed by the unrepeatable joke garnished with a stab, this time in the groin itself for excruciating pain, filling the verbal void with an unhealthy helping of Dibbler's Special of the Day to keep him quiet. Oh, yes, quite - why would anyone want to saveDibbler?
Cos he's in every story, and at the end of the period, we all like Dibbler at heart. Until the next morning when we experience the delayed effects of his, not goods, but selling points.
Oh - the rumour turned out to be false. The card was actually a real one, just not his. A cruddy first year by the looks of it. Signing my name across the back of it, the card was carefully slipped under the door sealed in a vacuum packed polythene bag to save embarrassment from being ill from the reek of the aforementioned Dibbler's stuff.
The Missions are not over yet.I am here to stay.
MISSION 6 : FLAMEDEMON : 12 DOLLARS
A shifty looking, old assassin approached me and whispered in my ear, "Lady Downey wants the head of the Guild of Plumbers assassinated!" He then continued along the corridor as if nothing had happened. I wondered who this was for a while but then thought, "Why look a gift horse in the mouth?"
I crept out of the building and up the side of the nearest house to the rooftops. From here I made my way steadily to the house of the head of the Guild of Plumbers. I passed several assassins on the way and so arrived a little later than I had hoped and the head was already gone for the day. Peering down to the street below the crowd of people made it impossible for me, only a student after all, to creep into the house unobserved. My huge skills of perception led me to the same conclusion again and again. I would have to use the chimney!
My descent was very cold and sooty and I emerged without the need of my black robe. As I removed myself from the fireplace I heard footsteps approaching�I moved behind the door with my dagger ready and the door opened�inside walked the butler. He tutted at the mess and noticed my footprints. Without turning around he said, "You may as well come out, I know you're here!"
Now you must pardon me here. I nearly broke one of the rules of assassination, I considered killing him there and then, but thank my quick thinking I came up with another plan, "I'm the chimney sweep m'lord!" I muttered in my most appalling accent I could imitate. Then I considered what I had said. I was a man covered with soot, all right so far, without any brushes, in an assassin's outfit with a dagger in my hand, Oh Dear! Then he turned and looked at me.
"Okay, carry on" he said, "and be careful not to get any soot in the lowest draw in the safe behind that picture," gesturing towards the wall to my right.
Of course as soon as he had gone I went straight to the draw in the safe, behind the picture. I couldn't believe some of the things that I found there. There were some documents inside with hastily scrawled writing on them. It seems that the head of the Guild of Plumbers was considering branching out. He had drawn up plans for the taking over of all the other major guilds (including the Guild of Assassins and the Guild of Butlers). Metal pipes were to be used as the weapon (how savage). I have now passed on these plans to Lady Downey so unfortunately they cannot be included in my general report.
Anyway I sat around waiting and eventually I got bored and started snooping round some more and it was just as I was preparing to change rooms that I heard footsteps again, only this time they were a lot heavier and there was the sound of heavy breathing. I hid behind the door again and as the door open I pounced. Closing the door with one leg, standing on the other I managed to get my dagger round the man's throat. Quickly removing his wallet I checked his status and there it was, "Head of the Guild of Plumbers".
My heart started to thud, "Here it is, my first kill!" Then I thought, "Hang on, this is too good for him. He was trying to put us all out of business by taking over the other guilds. What is more fitting?" Then I had it. I led him out of the door and down the corridor to the bathroom. I considered making him publicly take back all his slander of the guild but I thought, "What better way to make him take it back than to kill him? If anyone doubts us after this, they will at least keep their mouths shut."
When in the bathroom I laid him upon the floor. Using the plugs from the bath and sink I plugged his orifices and began siphoning water through a spare pipe (it was a plumber's house after all) into his mouth. He began to inflate and got larger and larger. Eventually after he had turned bright red and was twice his usual size, I plunged the dagger into his stomach releasing the water and then finished it by slitting his throat.
Feeling rather pleased with myself I left by the same way I entered and returned to the guild where I deposited my report and went for a soak in the duck pond.
MISSION 7 : EZAKIAL : 15 DOLLARS
I entered the great hall and was reading a poster on the wall advertising a guild trip to Quirm. I was considering applying when I heard someone behind me trying to approach while making no noise. I turned and was approached by a master assassin with his purple teaching sash. "You," He addressed me, "I think are ready for you first mission. This one I believe will be a sufficient test off your skills, besides you being a vampire I suppose that you could be doing with the top up on blood."
"Sir, no sir I don't need the top up, as you put it, as I am only part vampire. True I need it to survive, but I don't need it like the true vampires crave it, Sir."
"Well then, this will still be a test of your skills. Someone has stolen all of the poison darts from our armoury. I want you to find out who it is and get them back."
"Sir, do you really think that this is a proper test to give to only a student sir?"
"Do you refuse to take up the challenge?"
"Sir, No Sir!"
"Well get on with it then boy!"
"Yes Sir, Thank you Sir."
He then left me to get on with my task. Well, I thought to myself, Who could have taken them? I decided that the best way to start would be to start by checking the scene of the crime, which meant a trip to the armoury where they were stored before they were taken. At the armoury I found no sign of break in, no prints, marks or anything else to suggest that the culprit had been there. "Its just too clean," I found myself saying, who could have taken them?
"You, student, what are you doing in hear?"
I found myself being addressed by the an Armoury Master. "I was asked to find out who took the poison darts from hear Sir," I replied to him. "Well clear off, for all I know its you who has been taking them".
"What would I do with all those darts though Sir, I have no reason to take them."
"You could always sell them off for large amounts of money to the unlicensed thieves in the city, They are always looking for decent new weapons on the cheap. Now clear off and don't let me find you loitering around hear again".
With that comment I left the room and proceed back towards my room, via the external wall the roof and a skylight. (As everyone knows, Assassins don't use stairs).
Back in my room I started to consider what facts I had found. Number one, no traces of entry meant someone who knew what they were doing and that they were being careful, so as not to leave any trace. Number two, the Armoury Master had said that the unlicensed thieves of the city would buy them. Number three, logic told me that it would have to be someone that knew the guild building well, as they would have to get in and out quick, and would have to avoid all the Assassins. This ruled out any thieves in the city as they would have been inhumed before they had even got past the metaphorical welcome doormat. Which meant, one of our own Assassins! But who? My mind raced, and then it hit me! Of course, it was the Armoury Master who had found me earlier! He'd literally given himself up when he told me that the unlicensed thieves in the
city would buy them at high prices. A mistake of over confidence there, as I'd been lectured, It always leads to your downfall. He must have seriously thought that he could get away with it!
I knew that I must act fast as there was still one box of darts left as I had learned, so that would be his next target. I quickly grabbed what weapons I could and made a run for the window to make my way to the armoury. I paused quickly to check how I looked in the mirror, a difficult task with no reflection, as its bad manners to kill someone when you are badly dressed and
then raced onwards.
I got to the armoury just in time as he was leaving through an opposite window at the time, the box of darts concealed under his cloak. "Stop you thieving bugger."
"Too late student," he sneered back at me in a voice dripping poison, "I'm going to retire I rich man and there is no ways that your going to stop me!" He raced up his rope and disappeared onto the roof. I reached the window and was greeted by a lump of falling masonry. I duck out of the way just in time and continued to chase the rogue assassin over the roof of the Fools Guild and onwards towards the Shades.
I could see him ahead of me approaching the Shades at speed. I was almost loosing him when he turned and loosed a blowdart towards me. I dodged and saw a pidgin that was behind me suddenly decide to redecorate the rooftop in an interesting new colour called hint of exploded
entrails. The sod! He was using bloat darts, no wonder he was selling these darts as bloat would get quite a high price for its seller. He kept on running towards the shades. I caught up to him. He stopped to turn and face me. "So this is how it shall end will it? A student beating the master? I don't think so!!!" He dived towards me in an insane leap, wild and out of control. I easily dodged such an uncontrolled dive and pushed him over from behind pulling a dagger from my clothing. He stumbled on the uptake and slashed wildly at me. I parried and dragged my dagger along his ribcage leaving a long gash. He swiped at me again, but missed as I dodged and slid on a loose tile falling of the roof. He managed to grab hold of the gutter with one hand to stop himself from falling. I walked down the roof and loomed over the traitor Assassin. "Help me!", he cried out as the gutter began to work its way loose. I could see the terror in his eyes at the thought that he was going to die. "Who are you selling to?" I demanded. " I'll help you if you tell me".
"The Death Angels, they operate out of a flat next to the Trolls Head pub."
"Thank you," I said, and with that I drove my dagger through his hand and watched as he fell to his death. "There is no place for a traitor in the Guild," I called as he plummeted. I went down to the body to remove the darts and to leave the obligatory receipt. I then continued onto the flat were the gang were holdout and listened through
the door to the conversation. "Where is he? He's late."
"Perhaps he go delayed?"
"Of course he not delayed! He knows we need those darts for our plan."
I looked through the keyhole to survey the scene. I could see the darts In a corner of the room next to a tall, thin looking man. There were two others in the room with him. One looking out of the window, and another by the fireplace in the room. Considering my options, I went for the quick dispatch. I pulled two pistol crossbows from there holsters and a number two throwing knife from it boot slipcase. Summoning all my vampireic power, I turned myself into a thick fog, (a lesser trait of my so called kin), and oozed myself under the door. I quickly reformed and aimed the bows.
"I believe those darts are guild property gentlemen!" They turn to face me as I loosed the bows killing the one by the boxes of darts and the one by the widow outright. The one by the fireplace grab his sword that I'd not seen lying on the table. "You killed my brothers you b*****d!", he screamed and plunged towards me. With a deft flick of my wrist I sent the knife sailing through the air and into his chest. This sent him spiralling and he ended up with his own sword through him.
"Death Angels?, more like Dead Angels."
I collected up there stash of darts and left the guild receipt before proceeding back here to present my report and bring back these poison darts. Now where's my payment and I want a receipt for that report and those darts. Oh,
and one more thing, take head, in chaos some people find there order.
MISSION 10 : FLAMEDEMON : 23 DOLLARS
As I was eating a very enjoyable lunch one day the same elderly gentleman came up to me again. "Lady Downey wants to see you" he muttered and immediately meandered away among the crowd. A pang of fear hit me, "Oh no, what does she want? Have I done something wrong?"
I approached the office and I stopped, I could go no further. Then the door opened and Lady Downey looked out.
"Who the hell are you?" she yelled, "You can't be an assassin, I heard you stand up in the cafeteria!"
"S..s..sorry," I stuttered "I was told you wanted to see me?"
"Oh you're Flamedemon are you?"
"Yes sir...I mean...ma'am."
"Call me Lady Downey you dolt, anyway come in."
I stepped inside and found the office to be ****************************************************************** with a ************************* near the ********************** (sorry censored, would lead to an unfair advantage for some one trying to assassinate the Lady).
"After your last mission was so successful, I decided to let you try a slightly more difficult task this time," Lady Downey said. "Some one is selling off our special rapiers on the cheap. Find out who it is and dispose of them."
"Yes Lady Downey" I had lost my stutter now I knew that I wasn't going to die.
"Oh and be back before sunset, complete this and I'll make you a Teaboy."
"Yes Lady Downey!"
I left the office and immediately went out into Ankh-Morpork. I knew exactly who was likely to be selling this and my stomach turned at the thought of what I'd have to do to my only friend. For those of you who have not read my bio, I was with Dibbler for a time before I became an assassin. He was a great friend to me but who else would be selling these things.
As I approached him I noticed something different. It was only subtle and I couldn't decide what it was. He was in the market selling something or other, I can't remember what and so I approached through the crowd stealthily. As I neared I heard a twang behind me. Immediately I shifted my weight to my left foot and swayed to that side. An arrow buried itself into the back of the person in front of me. I headed away as fast as I could and got to the relative safety of an ally. Looking back I could see no one but that just proves in my mind that, that was a member of the guild. I am still looking for the name of that person and would pay 5 coins for anyone able to tell me.
Anyway as I was saying, Dibbler was gone now. He obviously thought that that arrow was meant for him and so I stalked off down the alley. I desperately wanted to go and look for my assailant but I had a job to do.
I found Dibbler again by the waterfront. He was standing with a rapier in his hand. "Got 'im" I thought to myself. I began to make my way towards him and suddenly I heard the scuff of feet behind me. Slinking into a nearby shadow I waited.
"So Cut-me-own-throat you've got more guts than I thought," said the man from behind.
"Sell-me-own-mum get on with it!" said Dibbler.
As "Sell-me-own-mum" walked in front of me I gasped. It was Dibbler, or at least it looked like him. The two Dibblers started duelling. Each had a rapier and they battled fiercely. Eventually my Dibbler, "Cut-me-own-throat" tripped. His rapier flew into the water and Sell-me-own-mum stood over him.
"Looks like I've got you old chap" he said. "Now I can sell my rapiers in peace."
"Look, you don't know who you're messing with!"
"You, you couldn't stop me, you'll be dead soon."
"Not me�"
Here I stepped out from the shadows. "No me!"
"Who the hell are you?" the shaken Sell-me-own-mum asked.
"I am death- well not actually death obviously although I have got the black clothes, anyway, I'm from the Guild of Assassin's. We hear that you are selling our rapiers, cheap!"
"No, no not me!"
As I was about to question him further a man shouted from above, "Hey Sell, hurry it up, I just got an order of 200 rapiers from the Guild of Plumbers."
With one deft flick my dagger flew into "Sell's" throat. He toppled over as I scaled the wall behind me to pursue the caller.
I eventually caught up with him by a rooftop shack. He begged and begged not to kill me and told me all sorts of things, what he could get for me, do for me, he even resorted to threaten me but after I had heard what I wanted to know I killed him and returned to the guild.
Here I wrote my report and sent a student to pick up the stash.