Who did you kill on your holidays?
You walk into the games room of the Assassins' Guild. Gathered round one table in the corner are some students, who seem to find something very amusing. You pull up a chair and ask someone what is so amusing. "Amusing? It's hilarious! They're all saying who they killed on their holidays!"
Who did YOU kill on your holidays? We want to know! Send in your stories and you will get between 5 and 15 dollars. [email protected]
REMSTER : 20 DOLLARS (2 STORIES)
once upon a time there was a girl called patty,
but she was so very chatty.
She had goofy teeth
and caused a lot of grief
so I scared her with a ratty.
It was a very cruel joke,
maybe I went too far with that poke;
but she was so large,
reminded me of a barge,
and her voice was a croak.
Now, I am an assassin at home,
and it is *me* who chooses where I roam.
It's not that cow,
and certainly not now,
maybe as a zombie she should read this poem.
She learned the hard way when she ate my toast
that was when I decided she would roast.
I took out the turkey,
and put in Perky,
now she lives only as a ghost.
How I laugh and hear her cry,
I really am superbly sly.
If I want to win,
which is no sin,
I simply make others fry.
Sheep. How I hate them. They reek of each others bottoms and even then they still want more. They just follow each other around, looking for next shepherd to come along, which is strange as in my land it's usually one of the sheep. How I despise such low-lifers. They are so shallow that sometimes I think about how many sheep I will use to test out my theories with regards
to the efficient killing. Or how to make others suffer without putting much effort into it.
Parasites. How I hate such creatures. A life of living off others, loafing on their backsides until they find another victim to live off. They do not think for themselves - they are like the herd of sheep that wander through
life without even a passing thought to things that really matter.
My colleagues from the world before I became an Assassin were sheep and parasites, feeding off each other, living lives of role models that didn't exist. Their lives were meaningless. So I performed as I envisaged before qualifying as an Assassin.
One group of them can be found if you look over the rim of the disc - hanging by a rope attached to a part of their anatomy that they used as their brains.
Another group can be found if you go to the bowling alley near the Unseen University, a new joint which like everything else in the area is affected by the high Magical Field surrounding the University. Go to aisles numbered 7 and 8. It reflects the skittles mental ages at the time of being forever enshrined, thanks to some help from a wizard who shall remain nameless. When you bowl that ball, think of the pain they go through.
To find the final group of SAPs (sheep and parasites; though sap is a good description) go to main street - the Ankh - where on the hubside you will see a collection of statues. They are the other saps. Oh - you can't put
your finger on what is wrong with their bodies? Let's just say that you could have a great time working out to whom each limb, organ, head, and so on, belonged originally.
Life can be cruel, but only to those who cannot work out how to have the loudest laugh and still be the last one laughing.
A lot of effort - it took up plenty of my holiday when I was not away on holiday baking a fat chicken - but worthwhile nonetheless.