Hey ya monkey lovin sons of pastry chefs listen up cause if I have to say this twice I'm comming out there. The other day I was winding down from a hard afternoon of drinking and community service so I decided to go see a movie. I saw me one of those old school horror movies where the monster is a giant crab or spider running through some miniture city until they blow it up with the A bomb.

    Come on people, you call this cinema? So I did what any God fearing American would do, I threw my popcorn at the screen and started booing. Some pansy ass behind me was all "hey, quiet down!" So I ate him.

    That monster was about as scary as the seafood buffet at Red Lobster, frikkin wussies. The A bomb? I mean come on people if those trucks with the missles on them don't hurt the monster, get bigger trucks with bigger missles. If some fruity spider was galavanting round my town and the mayor wanted to nuke him, I be rampaging cross town too! No dirty, thrift store suit wearing, underpaid, afternoon alchoholic tubbo is going to flip the switch and turn my town to glass!

    Seafood monster, gimmie a break. Give me some opposable thumbs and I'll show you a monster, one with four barrels of buckshot fury. Bring it on Hollywood, you'll never get my $6 again.