I know ya'll be politikin behind my back so I'm bout to set ya straight. Dr. Dre's "Da Chronic" is bumpin. It was the schiznick back in nine-three, but now its old like Bob Hope, yo. Tell that to my paunch pattin neighbors.

    First a little background for all you folks out there. Mr. Lizard lives in a guest hotel. Mr. Lizard's room used to be a suite back in the days of the pyramids and disco and such. So there's a door in my wall that used to lead next door, but is now nailed shut thank God. Mr. Lizard's house is made of concrete block so no sound can come through the walls. Unfortunately just like you and me, sound uses the FRONT DOOR! That balsa wood piece of gopher guano amplifies everything my ghetto fab cracker neighbors do, especially when they listen to "Da Chronic."

    Now don't get me wrong, I've got much love for the west side just not at four in the mfnxn morning. Now you might say "But Mr. Lizard you sleep til two in the afternoon, stop moanin you cold blooded prehistoric throw back." And I say go lick a light socket. Mr. Lizard has court dates in the morning because he put liquid acid in the punch at his sister's wedding.

    Back to the point, my weeble wooble neighbors stopped peter puffin long enough to buy "Da Chronic." But thats all they bought, thats all they listen to. So while they were getting their gangta pimp on all tuesday night Mr. Lizard was lying in bed thinking how easily he could do ten years in the penn for double-neighbor-manslaughter, and he formulated a plan. If they stay up til five, they have to sleep all day. So when my alarm went off at nine in the morning they were sleeping like babies, well until I unleashed Beck's "Odelay" at 120 decibels. That woke them up. Then I accidently left the TV at full volume on MTV, the most annoying network on television (trust me here, I've done the research) and went to court with the TV blaring. When I got home I pissed on their airconditioner.

    What's the moral of this story? Revenge is a dish best served to a groggy, hungover, son of a russian mailorder amputee whore, with a side of piping hot kick in the nuts. Word.