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Things I would do for the Divine Leader DAN
If they weren't actually a law against it in the following states
I researched the following things I would like to do do my Almighty Master of Manly Breasties and found the following things are actually illegal in some states. Some . I didn't list the really naughty stuff. I figure those types of things were just crimes against humanity and would arrouse Our Great Leader a bit too much and the goats would never get any rest after that.
I would whip myself into submission and roll my wounds in salt on a railroad track.
(but not in Alabama where putting salt on a railroad track may be punishable by death.)
I would get on my hands and knees on the steps of a Cathedral while whippering like a poddle in heat and let him "walk" me.
(Except in my home state of California. Animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship.)
I would get a whole bunch of moose really, really drunk and cover them with
chocolate and have a parade in His honor.
(In Fairbanks, Alaska, it is illegal to feed alcoholic beverages to a moose.)
I would buy a really sexy suit and a fake moustache and get Him a hot looking, low-cut cocktail dress and take Him to a Junior High School dance.
(Just not in Tucson, Arizona, where it is illegal for women to wear pants.)
I would make Him my lovely Bride and allow Him to have the first turn at the nightly
spanking-with-a-live-fish ritual.
(So living in Arkansas wouldn't be so good since a husband can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month. Of course gender deffinition might be a little tricky there.)
I would wash His car with my bras and panites in my driveway in the middle of winter (and if he didn't have one, I'd steal Him one. A car of course. We all know that He has His own bras and panties.)
(One problem here... In San Francisco, California it is illegal to wipe one's car with used underwear.)
I would fly Him away an Aspen resort and take Him out for milk and 'cookies'.
(In Durango, Colorado it is illegal to go out in public dressed in clothing "unbecoming" one's sex. What the hell is wrong with those people!)
I would double dare Him to be my Bride and worship Him as the Queen of my castle till my dying day.
(Which wouldn't be a problem in Deleware, where getting married on a dare is grounds for an annulment.)
I would buy Him a ball gown and a limo and trip the lights fantastic during Spring Break in Florida and recruit many mindless, drunking college students for Him to have His way with!
(But we'd probably not go to Miami, where it's illegal for a man to wear any kind of strapless gown. Doesn't say anything about cute little spagettii straps however)
I would cover myself with the juice of 1001 Georgian peaches, sit on a porch in a Yoga position and receit Hakuis of love and jell-O to Him.
(Will have to stay clear of Columbus, Georgia; it is illegal to sit on one's porch in an indecent position.)
I would buy Him a dozen happy mongooses trained to lick on command and place them in His pants.
(But that getaway to the Hawaiian tropics might not work cause it's illegal to own a mongoose without a permit in Hawaii. )
I'll add more weird illegal stuff when I have more time....
But besides those silly things, I would do
ANYTHING For the Almighty DAN!
And you should too! Don't Think! Just DO HIM!
Ah, the joys of having an enslaved mind with an IQ of 42.
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